The Sunday Mail
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
Amwene exiled me
GREETINGS amai. I hope I find you well. I wrote to you because I have been living apart from my husband. This started when we got married recently. We moved into my mother-in-law’s place. In the beginning we had a normal relationship, but the problems started later on. She would say I was moody and was avoiding her. In truth, I was just pregnant and would often rest in my bedroom. Pandakaenda kunosungirwa she sent word that I should not come back and that I would reunite with my hubby when he had a place of his own. Please assist.
Response
Hello writer and thank you for writing in. I am very well, thanks. You find yourself in a very difficult position, but the truth of the matter is that it is your mother-in-law’s house and she has the right to choose who may dwell in it or otherwise. Property ownership aside, I think it is very heartless for her to do that.
Does she not want to see her grandchild? It is also very harsh on your hubby because he is living as an unmarried man when he has a family. He must speak up and fight on your behalf. If what you have said is true, then I think your mother-in-law is being unnecessarily mean. Your hubby must also try and get more of his senior relatives involved in the matter. If he loves you, he may have to seek permission to come and live with you. It is wise to live as a family once you get married but with the economy being what it is, the position you find yourself in is quite understandable. Stay strong; it shall be well.
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Relatives straining us
Mai Chisamba, thank you so much for your column in The Sunday Mail. You talk and touch the hearts of many people. Both my parents are alive and in their fifties. I am not the only child in our family. However, I am the one who took the initiative to go and take amai from kumusha.
She has not been well for some time. After a few months, I had to go and take my dad because my mother missed him so much. Instead of concentrating on her medication, she would worry about dad’s welfare.
My problem is real and true, I do not want to beat about the bush, hama dziri kundiremedza. I do not earn much, but I am comfortable.
My wife is a professional and she works for an NGO, so hazvina kunyanyoshata. I do not mind people coming to see amai, but the problem is they expect a drink or a meal. This is weighing heavily on my pocket. I run around to make sure murwere ane twaanoda. How do I tell my mother without upsetting her, vane chiramwa vanga tofuma voti ndoenda kwangu? I love her to bits but I cannot continue like this. Of late, my wife had to cut down on what she gives the kids to accommodate the influx of visitors. Mind you, the visitors are quite many from baba’s side and her side, even our friends and church members come. I hope I will get a fair answer from you.
Response
Thank you so much for reading my column and for writing in. You are truthful, it takes a man and half to pour out. Most people would keep quiet and pretend to be happy. I presume after writing your letter you felt relieved. First let me say thank you so much for being there for your parents. Some parents die or their health deteriorates while their families wait for contributions. We always assist in cash or kind. Do not stress yourself, you can only do so much. When visitors come, offer what you have. Asking from neighbours can be both embarrassing and inconvenient. There is nothing wrong with telling your mom your finances are strained. Cutting down on expenditure here and there is very normal and I commend your wife for that. I will also take advantage of your letter to encourage our readers to help each other in times of need.
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My wife is changing for the worst
My issue is about my wife. We have been married for 24 years and blessed with four children. I was gainfully employed until recently when I was retrenched. My wife is decently employed. However, I used to get ten times the salary my wife gets until December. Currently, I do consultancy work, which brings income more or less the same with my wife’s salary. Mai Chisamba, families have problems here and there but I do not remember offending my wife for the past decade. She is the administrator of finances and many other issues in the home because she is good at that. To me, she declares between $30 and $100. This happens a minimum of two times a month. Secondly, my wife now exchanges very dirty Whatsapp messages with workmates and former schoolmates of the opposite sex. Sometimes she forwards such messages to me, until recently when I told her I am not a candidate for that. We are Christians and she holds a respectable position in the church, Mai Chisamba. Zvinoitawo here izvi?
Response
Hello writer, marriage is like a garden, one is compelled to work it in different seasons until death separates the couple. Your wife may be financially superior for the time being but it is not set in stone. Tell her how you feel and how you are noticing this change in her. Also make her aware that you know about her under-declaring her finances. She needs to become a team player in this marriage. As for her flirting with ex-classmates, nip it in the bud immediately. Even if it means telling her tete or someone you trust from church to help counsel you. You need to focus on yourselves through this time. I am glad that you picked up consultancy work. Keep pushing and you could find yourself back in the big leagues again.
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