The Sunday Mail
PUNDITS are not giving Dynamos much of a chance this season but Yours Truly reckons the team which seems to be allergic to professionalism is in with a huge Premiership shout.
Most things about DeMbare are exaggerated but it’s never advisable to write off this club; they can do anything – waking up the dead at that cemetery just opposite Rufaro Stadium included.
Dynamos’ seven-million-fan-base-claim is at best pub talk and at worst hallucination by those who once claimed “God made the sky blue because He loves Dynamos”.
Anyone who believes that DeMbare has seven million supporters might as well believe Phillip Chiyangwa when the Zifa president bizarrely claims – with a straight face – that over 600 coaches have applied for the Warriors job.
The lot which believes this gibberish might as well join the church led by “Prophet” Talent Madungwe who late last year claimed to have had a braai with God before sending the Big Man back to Heaven with meat for the angels and the likes of Moses and Elijah.
Back to Dynamos.
Granted, the club hasn’t lived up to its Chazunguza nickname over the past years and has been bullied out of the park by the likes of FC Platinum, Highlanders and Caps United.
However, unlike in the past seasons when Dynamos started league campaigns amid misplaced belief that they were good enough to grab the title, this year such talk is only playing up on social media – never in the club boardroom.
Lloyd Mutasa has reportedly been tasked with collecting 23 points from the first 10 matches but when it comes to such things no one takes Kenny Mubaiwa – the brains behind the target – seriously.
Expectedly, Caps United are featuring prominently in the early season predictions but the defending champions will have to do it the hard way this year.
Their Caf Champions’ League group campaign will be taxing and Lloyd Chitembwe will be forced to juggle his squad a lot.
FC Platinum have the best squad on paper but Norman Mapeza has not improved his relationship with the Zvishavane godfathers and chances are his boys once again find playing at Mandava a mission-and-a-half.
One fine day I will delve into how some Pure Platinum Play lads claim not to see the goal when playing at home. Today is not that fine day.
Mapeza also appears to have had his head turned by the Warriors.
Highlanders are in with a shout but the Bulawayo giants don’t appear to have the depth needed to mount a successful title charge. An injury to one key player may spell doom for the whole campaign.
So what’s special about Dynamos?
For starters, Mutasa has been given room to build his own team, kicking out the likes of Rodrick Mutuma, Sydney Linyama and Stephen Alimenda in favour of youngsters who are eager to impress.
The young lads will play without the added pressure of the championship contenders’ tag and once they get going you can expect their fans will give them wings.
The arrival of Nzou – Biggie Zuze – gives Mutasa a man he can trust with making sound tactical calls.
Unlike his predecessor Murape Murape, Zuze will not lose his cool when Dynamos score and run onto the pitch shouting the words that pre-school kids use when one of them “poops” in his pants.
Yours Truly is no prophet but a DeMbare smash-and-grab looks possible this season.
Sir exits the scene!
Sir is social media commentator and writes this satirical column in his personal capacity. Feedback [email protected]