The Sunday Mail
Emmanuel Kafe
We all know Dickson Chingaira Makoni. We all know him better as Cde Chinx, the legendary musician whose voice inspired a liberation struggle and who after Independence continued to sing the songs of freedom.
Many readers of The Sunday Mail Society will not know Rodrick Mashawa. That is because he is an unassuming, 30-something, self-employed carpenter living in the teeming Harare suburb of Kuwadzana.
But they have something in common. The thing they have in common is something that is increasingly not talked about despite its prevalence.
Both are polygamists. And both live with their wives under one roof.
Mashawa believes polygamy is something best practiced openly, with the women all staying with their husband at the same place.
Last Wednesday, we visited Mashawa just as he returned from work.
His two wives were jointly preparing his supper. The meal ready, one kneeling to wash his hands and the other, in the same posture, presenting his dish to him.
“This is how I live. They (his wives) are the best of friends and I have never had a problem with them. Our children call them mother and not ‘mainini’ or ‘maiguru’,” he says as he digs into his food with gusto.
The triad is blessed with four children, three from the first wife and one from the younger one.
Mashawa firmly believes polygamy is part of Zimbabwean culture, and it is better to practise it openly rather than resorting to mistresses, or “small houses” as they are now called in colloquial parlance.
He believes the agenda to outlaw and/or stigmatise polygamy is driven by values borrowed from Western societies. But how do the women feel? Mashawa’s older wife, Shuvai, says as co-wives they discuss the welfare of the family and look out for each other.
“Resources are kept within the family. We believe that as long as our husband is able to support all of us financially, and is also able to treat us equally, especially in relation to conjugal rights, all is well,” she says.
Polygamy has long been a feature of many societies, not just in Africa, with its critics saying its subsitence is a reflection of patriarchal social systems that subjugate women.
In the traditional set-up, the first wife was “consulted” when the husband wanted to take in another spouse. The reality, opponents of polygamy say, is that she was merely informed and hubby dearest would go ahead and do what he wanted regardless of her opinion.
The families would stay together, not necessarily under one roof but at least in the same yard.
We have often heard and read about how some polygamous set ups resulted in bad blood among the wives and their children, fueled witchcraft and could lead to murder.
There is no need to expound on what such an environment does to a growing child’s psychology. But others have spoken of happy polygamous homes, pointing out that even those people in monogamous relationships fight amongst themselves and have their own problems at home.
Research by Women and Law in Southern Africa showed that
some women support polygamy, accusing their urbanised counterparts and NGOs of claiming to speak on the behalf of all women without getting their views.
Some said they were comfortable with a co-wife as long as it was someone they knew, like a relative. Emilia Marema, a marriage counsellor, says she finds it strange that some women support polygamy.
“It is men who created this arrangement to quench their never-ending, often selfish, desire for sexual exploits with various women. My advice to women is simple: polygamy is degrading and all it does is steal away one’s happiness and joy,” she says.
Marema adds that churches should help end polygamy, especially by targeting men with messages against the practice.
Dr Sekai Nzenza — a cultural critic, social commentator and columnist for our sister newspaper The Herald — says traditionally there was openness where a man would inform his first wife
that there will be a helper coming into the household in the form of a second wife.
“If a man could not gather the courage to tell his wife, the elders of the family would be emissaries with the message to inform the first wife that a helper was on her way into the family. In doing so they avoided quarrels with the new wife.”
Today, she says, there is less openness and courage among menfolk, hence the scourge of small houses.
“A scenario where a wife in Chitungwiza doesn’t know of another wife in Budirio becomes very difficult for the man to balance as the small house would want to be known to the husband’s family,” Dr Nzenza says.
