The Sunday Mail
Ex-girlfriend seeing my friend
I am a 16-year-old boy and I was madly in love with this other girl from school for about a year or so. We got along great and she was generous. She would even spoil me from time-to-time.
My problem started when she told me out of the blue that she no longer wanted to be with me. I was disappointed but I accepted it nonetheless. One of my friends asked if it was ok to date her and I agreed. I really should have said no because now I cannot stand seeing them together. I am now overcome with jealousy. Please help me figure a way out of this mess.
Response
You are only 16 and you are talking about being in a relationship. I think you are just finding yourself. If you felt so strongly about your friend pursuing your ex, you should have been more vocal about it. This predicament is of your own making. Your relationship ended as easily as it began. Lucky you are still young and have all the time in the world to develop and understand what true love is.
This is a puppy love affair and it will do you a great deal to move on. I hope your friend and this girl take it easy as well. They are still children. Focus on school and do not be in a rush to grow up. You will miss these days of your life. I wish you well.
Is 17 too young to date?
Amai, makadii? I am a 17-year-old girl and still in high school. I have written to you because baba vangu vanochengera and, as a result, I am suffering from lack of freedom. I do not know why my father is so overprotective. I have never given him reason to doubt me. I am not allowed to have a boyfriend though I think the time is ripe.
I cannot imagine having a boyfriend and having to explain why things are the way they are. My father gives endless lectures about how boys are not good for me. I get so irritated and I even think I will have to tell him to stop one day. Whenever he sees me talking to a guy, he always enquires about him. Is this normal? Any idea on how I can get him to stop?
Response
Ndinofara zvangu. At 17 I know it must be frustrating especially for you because you are at that age when you begin to interact more and more with members of the opposite sex. Your father is being overprotective because you are still under his roof. He is scared and wants nothing to ruin the future he has in mind for you. However, he is going about it the wrong way. Endless lectures, rules and frequent interrogations are not helpful.
Where is your mother in all this? You never mentioned if she is in the picture or not. Tell your father you would like to speak to another woman about these issues. It could be your mother or tete. Chances are they will take a softer approach and guide you better because they have been in your position before.
Growing up is scary but your father has to trust you to make the right decisions, especially since he is not always with you. I will tell you what I told another writer: you are young and still finding yourself. Try not to grow up too fast and take it one step at a time. As for whether you are old enough to have a boyfriend or not, that remains to be determined. Boys your age are just as confused and unsure as you, so do not expect much. I hope after you have spoken to female relatives your father will loosen up.
Parents want me to leave hubby
I am a young woman who is facing relationship troubles. Poverty is the main reason why things are the way they are. My husband and I moved in with his parents because we were struggling and he was unemployed. His mother was very problematic.
She would spread falsehoods about me in the neighbourhood and start silly fights. I was pregnant at the time and ended up having to go into labour. Afterwards, I went to stay with my mother while I recovered. In a fit of rage, my mother-in-law said she did not want to see me again.
My parents have advised me to end things with my husband because he is “a good-for-nothing”. I now work as a maid and my child anogara namainini kuChitungwiza. My husband is also staying there. He is still unemployed. I do not want to end things with him because we have a connection. What must I do?
Response
Your husband is really struggling and from the looks of it he is destitute. Leaving someone because they are going through a rough patch goes against marriage vows that emphasise the need to stick together for better or for worse. My concern is: was this guy ever able to stand on his feet?
He is bouncing from house to house without a job. Was he ever gainfully employed? When you select a partner you must always try to look for someone who offers a bit of security.
So much may be avoided if someone is financially secure. Your parents want you to leave him while his mother will not even sit down with you. He is powerless in all this.
Luckily relationships are for two. You and your husband must decide what is best for you.
As far as career prospects are concerned, it is a very difficult economy and he will really have to think outside the box if he has hopes to ever get back on his feet.
As far as your mother-in-law is concerned, try and rope in her brothers and sisters so that you have a sit-down and resolve your differences.
You are family and you need each other. They also gave you a place to stay when you did not have anywhere to go. That must never be overlooked. I wish you all the best.
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