Pangs of abuse

02 Jun, 2019 - 00:06 0 Views
Pangs of abuse

The Sunday Mail

Life Issues with FGK

In the previous articles, we talked about how ethics and morals are an integral part in all forms of religions as they seek to instil an ideal persona within human beings.

As humans, over the years we have been evolving mentally and rationally such that we are constantly drifting away from barbarism; and propelling towards the finest forms of civilisation. This quest has seen humans advocating for courtesy and respect of one another and concurrently denigrating the abuse of another.

Cruel and inhuman treatment of one another is abuse. Every one of us has this trait within us by nature; we are potential abusers of our fellow neighbours or loved ones.

We tend to be selfish due to the fact that survival on this planet requires us to think of ourselves first and its normal; but this should be controlled. Therefore the aspect of self-control comes into play as a virtue we all should foster in order to suppress every rude expression intended to potentially offend or hurt others or infringe on their rights. A right is a freedom that is protected and respected. When lines are crossed, abuse kicks in.

Abuse is the neglect or mistreatment of others (such as a child or spouse, the elderly, the disabled, or anyone else) in such a way that causes physical, emotional, or sexual harm. Most of the negative behaviours of society or its dysfunctions have the most vertical extent effect on children. Children suffer the worst from our weaknesses and ills since they are the most vulnerable and the weakest.

Abuse is one of the ills that has destroyed the future of many children. They fell victim to creatures which we thought were civil human beings. Many parents who have conceived children out of wedlock for example – never really get to take care of the child properly. Fights and the blame game gets most of their energy instead of focusing on providing a life and a future for their child.

Neglecting your child is a form of abuse. The neglect of a child’s fundamental needs definitely harms the development of the child and his or her physical, mental and emotional health. Other parents do not abuse by neglecting their children, they over-invest themselves onto their children. They do not give them space to express their creativity and to be themselves.

If we look at this kind of child abuse, parents inflict it only because the child is young or under their financial care and cannot choose what they want from what is before them. Many parents tend to think what is good for them is what the child should always enjoy in the name of “tisu vakuru, tinoziva, uye takabva neko”.

Parents forget that the success of parenting comes when children become more successful than their parents. That can only be achieved when they don’t think like us.  If they think like us then they can only become what we are.

Therefore, the manipulation of children either by enforcing what we believe is the right career for them against what they think are their strengths should be done away with. We should school them and trust that they are capable of making good choices for themselves. What we can only do as parents is to guide them as they navigate the ocean of options that life and education has offered them.

Husbands also abuse their wives. This is common. These are usually men who have failed to deal with the real challenges of the jungle who then turn their aggression towards their spouses. They become monsters, throwing anger bouts and tantrums at their loved ones, especially their wife and children. They are manipulative in all kinds of ways.

Verbal abuse and manipulation are forms of witchcraft.

Their impact and effect on the emotional balance of the victims is like juju. Most of the married women who are depressed have suffered abuse from their husband in one way or another. But society is not ready to accept husband abuse or the abuse of a husband by the wife. Most times men are screamed at, scolded and even assaulted by their wives but the make-up of men does not allow them to advertise their pain.

When a man is a victim of his wife’s physical abuse, he is both shamed by the assaults of his wife and shamed by society or the church for not training her into a better wife. Husbands tend to stomach the pain of being abused and move on with life. Those men that dare tell the story of how they are being victims of spousal abuse usually suffer criticism.

The tides always turn against them. Society declares them liars; rather monsters who are trying to come clean from the guilt of abusing their wives. Our people are yet to believe that men are also victims of abuse within marital relationships.

The perpetrator of abuse might never know the scars they leave behind, therefore society and the judiciary often struggle to classify abuse that is not physical, therefore those that are guilty continue to roam the streets looking for their next victim. Abuse should land the perpetrators in jail.

Statistics of suicide victims show that many of them have been victims of one form of abuse or another. Abuse crimes that are not sexual and physical often go noticed.

Titles have also been used to chocolate-coat abuse. Many pastors who are called by various titles tend to exalt their selfishness above the needs of their followers. I once mentioned how women can be abused by men of God in church in the name of religion. This slips the wrath of the law because even the victim is afraid to offend the “man of God”.

The same applies to other people in positions of authority, for example, politicians who might have connections that are abused to protect them from law enforcement.

Abuse of one another’s rights is almost everywhere and we see these things happening every day. Many leaders tend to see their subjects as pawns in a chess match. They use people and dump them, they manipulate the law using their esteemed offices to do so. The impact of abuse of office by any political figure becomes the worst of all abuses because it usually affects not individuals only but groups and masses of people. Therefore, corruption becomes one of the worst evil form of abuse.

Abuse of one another’s rights is evil. You may never know the torment and torture inflicted within a child who is sexually abused. The life of a neglected child is like that of one who has a candle but is failing to set it alight in thick darkness.

The suffering of a verbally abused wife is often unimaginable, the pain is greater than birth pangs. The inferiority complex that an abused husband suffers is often interpreted as his own inadequacy to face life as a man – his suffering no one else can tell. The life of a manipulated individual is like that of a slave whose master lost the keys to his chains  – there is mental and psychological limitation which is hard to deal with. Many begin to contemplate suicide. We all need to have our rights respected.

Freedom is necessary for mental health and progress of the human species. Never infringe on your fellow neighbor’s rights; including those of your children and loved ones.

May you not be an agent of abuse towards the other person. Before you abuse anyone, think twice. Tomorrow it could be you.

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