The Sunday Mail
Many times, we only hear the headline news…”Shakira divorcing Pique because of cheating.”
We can witness a fight happening in our neighbourhood, and if you ask why the people are fighting, someone on the scene will say something like: “the husband was caught cheating.”
We get to witness the later stage of cheating, and we usually condemn whoever was caught cheating.
But how many times do we get to investigate or at least hear why the person cheated? If we have more information about the ‘why’, perhaps we can prevent it from happening. Maybe we can do things differently by observing others.
For anything to happen there is usually a cause. Cheating occurs because of something. Let us look at competition as a factor. Many people tend to relax once they get into a relationship. They act like they are the only ones under the sun.
Let us dig deeper into this. You see a woman married to a man with a thriving career, who is going up the ladder of success. As a man rises financially, it always means he starts getting attention from women who previously did not recognise him. This also means he automatically becomes a target for so many women that are looking for ‘a man’ with the capacity to take care of them.
These women will do anything to get him. They will not rest as they do anything to trap him. Back home the wife is relaxed. She keeps seeing her husband as the same guy whom she met 10 years ago. She might operate thoughtlessly, being moody, not doing wifely duties, yet other women out there are desperate to have her husband. Because of this negligence, the husband will start paying attention to other women resulting in cheating.
This can go either way. If you are dating or married to a woman who attracts numbers do not think she will stop attracting numbers because she is with you.
Crowd pullers will remain crowd pullers. You see a man neglecting a woman with a presence, beating her, not taking care of her, slacking in communication, and not giving her attention when in fact many men are seeking her attention.
Negligence will make way for another man who is proving to be offering commitment, care, and love. Many people don’t acknowledge their shortcomings, they want to appear as victims. They want the world to condemn the person who would have cheated, but did they earnestly play their part?
This issue is usually not addressed.
Some people cheat because they love the idea of sleeping with many people. You can do anything and everything for them, but they will still cheat. In this case, what makes them cheat is more to do with their past life. It is hard for a person who has slept with so many people to settle for one person for the rest of their lives.
These people usually want different things from different people. If it is a man, he might want a yellow bone on day, a dark-skinned woman the next, then a tall one, and a short one. One person will never have what this man wants. His interests always change. He just wants variety. That appetite for different women will make him cheat.
Moreover, we have people that cheat because they want financial gain, or they want to capitalise on a certain opportunity that keeps them ahead in life.
These are people that will never respect their relationships when confronted with an opportunity. They can do anything to upgrade themselves or to make their lives comfortable.
This group includes those who cheat on spouses with their bosses, or a girl who cheats with a married man for financial gain even though she has a boyfriend. These people get ahead in life by using their bodies. They are opportunistic.
We have those who worship sex; they are always thinking about it. They are always looking for opportunities to have sex. They will not watch anything that is not pornographic. They feed on sex whether they are doing it, or they are just watching it. These people are always looking for an opportunity to sleep with someone.
They are not restricted to certain people, but they are always looking for anyone who can say yes to their advancements. These people have the potential to be predators; they can prey on anyone. When they cheat on their spouses, it is more of pleasing their unquenchable appetite for sex.
Furthermore, we have those that are starved sexually. Their lovers are not always there, and if they are around, they don’t provide the required sex. The partners get to a point where they get frustrated, and as a result are forced to cheat. Usually, they don’t cheat by looking for someone new, but they track those whom they have dated before to quench their appetite. It is very rare for people to cheat on their lovers with their ex-lovers if they are satisfied in their current relationships. Nostalgia is real, it is the reason in this context.
In our next article, we shall look at other reasons for cheating, as well as solutions that we can apply to counter cheating.
*Brian Matsaira is a love and relationships coach. He can be contacted on 0773383687, or email: [email protected]