The Sunday Mail
WE had a great relationship with our neighbours until their son was badly hurt by my son while they were playing. The two are both aged eight years and go to the same school.
On this unfortunate day, they decided to play dodgeball. Nobody understands why they used stones instead of balls. My neighbour’s son was injured and ended up with four stitches on the head. We took over the medical bills and gave the neighbours some money to buy him a fruit basket. They did not take this well.
They do not talk to us anymore and have stopped their boy from interacting with our son. We even went down on our knees to apologise on behalf of our son to no avail. The boys were great friends, and this has affected them negatively.
Their teacher even wrote to us, saying this episode has affected their schoolwork. Our son is always asking when they will be allowed to play together again. When our neighbours are away, their son climbs their mango tree to talk to his former friend. We are prepared to do whatever it takes to restore our friendship. This was just an unfortunate accident. How best can we go about this?
Response
It is sad to hear what happened. I think all parents were in the wrong because eight-year-olds should not be left unsupervised. The child could have lost an eye. Fortunately, the child was able to make a full recovery. I think you did the noble thing by paying the medical bills and apologising.
When the dust settles, the adults need to act like adults. The children have already moved past this incident. You should, too. I appreciate that the teacher has reached out to you. Perhaps, you can persuade the teachers to help broker peace. Try to make sure the kids are always supervised when they interact with other children.
Another potential hazard stems from the fact that the other boy is climbing a mango tree to speak to your child when his parents are not around. This must end immediately. Continue to make efforts to patch things up. I think, eventually, the tide will turn. Good neighbours are an asset to have in life because they are often the first responders when anything unfortunate occurs at your home. You need each other. Letting bygones be bygones will serve you well.
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Family members battling to host diasporans
I am a happily married man and a father of two teenage boys. One of my sisters is married and stays abroad with her Zimbabwean husband. Our family is based in Harare while her husband’s family is based in Gweru.
My sister and her family are coming home for Christmas and they have asked if it is fine if they stay at our place and then visit friends and family as per their itinerary.
Christmas is still a few months away but there is a war of words already between our families on why she chose to come and stay at my house.
Her in-laws are breathing fire; the siblings are not happy. I do not understand what the big deal is. Surely, they can only stay at one place and this is their choice. I have a big place, and, maybe, that is why they chose my home. I do not want news of all these fights to get to their ears because this may disappoint them.
The person who sent an email, requesting accommodation, is my sister’s husband.
I hear my sister’s mother-in-law has threatened to come and stay at my house because she would want to be with her grandchildren. This does not make sense to me, Amai. My wife said it is not about love. Some locals have a misconception about relatives from the diaspora; they assume they are loaded.
All they think about is receiving money and gifts, which may not even be the case. How do we calm the storm before these guys come over?
Response
There is quite a lot to unpack here. I think you have done the right thing by taking a step back and analysing the situation at hand. Oftentimes people tend to opt to go to the husband’s family home because that is the family they were married into. In modern times, people tend to go back and forth.
They go wherever they are welcomed. Both sides of the family tend to play hosts. You are innocent in all this. You granted their request. You can, however, notify your sister in private of what their decision is stirring back home. I wish people would desist from this notion of trying to get handouts and gifts from people who reside abroad. Life is hard everywhere. I think once your sister speaks to her husband, they can then tweak their itinerary to best please everyone. They can even start by visiting the mother-in-law, so she does not feel she is missing out. Keeping the whole family happy at times is a delicate balancing act.
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Where there is
smoke, there’s fire
I have had a torrid time with maids since the Covid-19 pandemic. The crop out there is different from what we used to have back in the day. Most of them lack commitment and some are even thieves.
The phone is their gadget of choice and it never stops ringing. You wonder what other businesses they have out there. My mother-in-law brought a maid from our rural home four months ago but the situation is the same, if not worse. I am particularly writing to you because this maid seems to be very close to my husband.
They talk and laugh but the moment I walk in, they keep quiet. My husband is the type of guy who never wants to get into a shop and help with buying groceries.
However, just last week, he went to the shops and bought some items. I was shocked when he said the maid had given him a list of goods that were out of stock at the house. Why is this being done behind my back?
The other day, when I was speaking to him over the phone, he mentioned that a power cut was affecting our area. I then asked how he knew this. The answer was the maid had called and told him about it. Amai, are these not red flags? Am I overreacting? What do I do to stop this?
Response
I am sorry that you have had a bad time when it comes to getting helpers for the home. It really is a coin flip. Some are sincere while others are simply chancers who use the opportunity as a stepping stone. You can try to do a thorough vetting before letting someone into your home to minimise heartache.
Phone addiction affects all of us, and not just maids. We must strive to notify our employees to reduce screen time. You said where there is smoke, there is fire. In this case, there is no smoking gun. It, however, seems odd that the maid is closer to your husband than you. The short fix is to let the maid go or reassign her elsewhere.
If she came through an agency, try to get her to another home while you work towards getting another one. That will put your mind at ease.
You can always cook up a story about why you need to replace her or purposefully seek out another one with the competency she does not have. As I said, you do not have any evidence of wrongdoing. You will need to make this a just dismissal.
The long-term fix has to do with striking a conversation with your husband about how uncomfortable all this makes you feel. Draw a line in the sand as to what is acceptable and what is not.
Until he understands this and tweaks his behaviour, you will forever have problems. He may even remain in touch with her long after she leaves your house. The root problem also needs to be addressed. Once you do that, you will have resolved this issue once and for all.
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