The Sunday Mail
Mudzimba
Dr Chisamba
Hello amai. I hope I find you well. I am an 18-year-old girl who is employed and financially stable. I live with my mother and two siblings — a little sister and younger brother who is in Grade Two. My mother is mean-hearted. She hates that I get along with my sister and even support her financially.
My little brother is spoiled and untouchable. I once raised an issue that he stole my money and nothing was done to him. In fact, she said she did not want to hear of it. After this altercation we have not spoken to each other for two weeks. Is this normal? I am now thinking of taking my little sister and moving out.
Response
Hello writer. I am very well and thanks for asking. Please slow down. You are too young to think of moving out and, let alone, being a guardian to another child, especially one that has a surviving parent. You are gainfully employed at 18, hats off to you. I hope you are in a legal and stable line of work. In your letter, I noticed there is no father figure around, what happened? Is she your biological mother? Why is she so mean and divisive?
We know the problem but unfortunately do not know what is at the root of it. I will get you in touch with an organisation that looks into such issues and try and map a way forward, especially for your minor siblings.
If children are being abused, the State has a right to intervene. I urge all readers who are parents to try and cultivate a loving atmosphere within the household despite challenges you may be going through.
Your actions and words may have detrimental effects on your children and generations to come, if left unchecked. I will do my best to help you weather this storm.
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Father putting unnecessary pressure on me
I am a 47-year-old man and lived a very hard life. My parents divorced when I was two. My father wanted nothing to do with me. I went to school up to Form Two (then known as ZJC) before I stopped due to lack of school fees.
Well-wishers later helped me go to Ordinary Level, Advanced Level and tertiary education. I have a decent job and my two children are both graduates. Whenever I go to the rural areas, I go with groceries for my father. Recently, he sent his friend to tell me to give him cash instead of groceries.
I was very disappointed because it took my own drive and well-wishers to be what I am today. He has no right to tell me how to assist him. I am even of the view that he may want to bewitch me if I give him hard cash. Must I stop assisting him altogether?
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Response
I am sorry about the hardships in the early stages of your life. Your father was selfish and he left you to fend for yourself. I am thankful to your mother’s side and the well-wishers. What was meant to put you off-track strengthened you.
Your children are doing well. You stopped what could have become a cycle if you had given up at ZJC. You have a kind heart and you forgave your father. He is in no position to make demands. If you believe he wants to bewitch you, then do not give him the hard cash, although there is no way of proving it logically.
I think you must speak to him man-to-man and tell him if he does not want your assistance, he must just say so. Continue to do well and give to people with an open heart. Whatever your father says or decides must not stop you from continuing to be a good person. If anything, his absence in your life over the years has proven that you are capable of being your own man. Stay positive; It shall be well.
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Is my wife
cheating on me?
Greetings, Mai Chisamba. I am a 45-year-old man and my wife is 42. We have been married for about 21 years. We have not had any major fallouts until recently. I suspect there is a guy from church who is having an affair with my wife. This guy came to spend Christmas with us in 2019 and it raised a lot of red flags.
Then recently, I called in sick one morning and this guy showed up unannounced.
My assumption is he thought I would not be home. We had a huge fight and ended up going for counselling. Some of our relatives tagged along. My wife is very secretive and refuses to leave her phone where others may access it. I am fed up. What do you think I must do?
Response
Greetings writer. My first thought when I read your letter was that there is no smoke without fire. Why is this guy keen on befriending your wife? Or coming over when you are not around?
Your wife needs to stop entertaining such advances. I take it counselling did nothing for the two of you. Try and get tete involved. Give her an ultimatum to stop what she is doing.
Love is about trust, she must not play cat and mouse games. You do not have to go through your partner’s phone. The fact is that you want to show that you do not trust her and she has given you good reason not to.
Also try and talk to the priest and other senior church members to reprimand this guy. His behaviour is unbecoming of a Christian. Lastly, ask your wife if she still wants to be with you. All this fighting and fussing over her may be a waste of effort if she has decided to call it quits. I do not condone partners who step out of marriage in the wake of STIs and HIV. Her behaviour may also affect her children. This needs to end now. You need to put your foot down and get to the bottom of it. As far as your marriage is concerned, you are at crossroads. It is either you save it or you move on. In all that you do, please think of the legality of your actions.
Do not be provoked to violence or do things that will make you end up losing your children. Keep a cool head and try and resolve this as swiftly as possible. I am sorry about what has befallen you and your family at the hands of a parishioner.
I hope you did not do anything in the past that has made your wife become this person after 21 years of marriage. However, such behaviour is never justified. Please keep me posted.
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