My father is a hypocrite

Thank you so much for your column. I am 18 and doing my A-Levels. I come from a family of three – two boys and a girl. My sister is the youngest in the family. Our parents have been married for over twenty years.

The reason for my letter is to seek help on behalf of my mother. We go to church because we are forced to. My dad makes a mockery of why we even attend the church. Believe it or not he beats her up when he is angry and annoyed.

We go to a Pentecostal church and he is a very popular elder. What he does at church is the opposite of what he does at home. A few weeks ago my mother spent a week sleeping in the lounge because they had misunderstandings over gogo whom he deemed had overstayed at our place.

Gogo is my mother’s mom, when she came over my mother had asked if she could stay for a week since she was not well. Instead she stayed for two weeks because she had become worse. I asked my mother why she cannot tell her brothers and sisters about this vakati zvinonyadzisa.

My father likes to pretend, people love and respect him but he is very cruel. My mother did not want me and my siblings to know that she sleeps in the lounge when baba is angry. She would pretend to be busy then sleep there when we had retired to our bedrooms asi ndakazvibata.

I do not know whether my sister in grade seven will pass because whenever she sees mum crying she joins in, even if she does not know the problem. Gogo is old and frail and she feels at home when she is at our place but this puts my mother in trouble.

How do I help? Some time I wanted to beat my father up because vairwa and my mother was getting over powered and he threatened not to pay fees for me. We are a very unhappy family because my father is a bully, always complaining and smoking.

My mother works hard and makes sure we have what we need, she is never appreciated for her efforts. I do not want gogo to know this because I do not want her to die sad. How can I help my family?

Response
Your letter made me teary, I cannot imagine that some people in 2016 still physically fight. It is worse when people pretend to follow the Lord and do wicked things behind closed doors. A church elder beating his wife for looking after her sick mother.

Oh God forbid! People who have been married for this long must not behave like kids. I know your mother is just a victim, I feel sorry for her and she needs help as soon as possible. Your dad also needs help and guidance.

I want to say thank you for being a good big brother and showing concern about your parents and siblings. Fighting is very dangerous, some people have been maimed or killed in the process so it has to stop forthwith.

Your mother is protecting your father’s reputation at her expense so I doubt if she will report him. Go and talk to a reputable pastor from your church so that he will intervene before something fatal happens. Kunyarara kune ngozi.

Domestic violence is against the law so amai should use the law to protect herself. As an individual she should go to organisations that give free counseling to women who are abused.

I know this will not go down well with baba that is why I said let us start with the church. The two of them need to go through counseling as a couple so that they are assisted. It is terrible because it is now affecting the children.

I do not want to leave the children out of this because they have been hurt too, this we can talk over the phone and see when and where you can be helped. Baba mubereki havarohwi kunyangwe zvikaipa kungotakanutsa nekudaidzira rubatsiro.

The gogo issue is very tricky because she will keep coming and overstaying. I suggest your mother talks to one of her responsible brothers in confidence so that he watches the movements and timing.

Your father is being very unfair, pamwe gogo vanotosarudza kuti ndoenda kumukuwasha wangu elder ndiye anonamata. You have shown great responsibility, I think you are good enough for the task.

Always make sure the family is functioning well, it may look like a tall order but with God all things are possible. Change your attitude from being forced to go to church to voluntarily going because you know the benefits. It is my prayer that God gives your family peace. Work hard and do your school work. I wish you all the best.
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