The Sunday Mail
Mai Chisamba —
Hello Mai Chisamba, I hope I find you well. I am a mother of six and I am happily married. Our children are married so tiri sekuru nambuya. We have a house in town but now we are retired and we currently reside at our home in the rural areas. I am a very smart lady and I am fussy about what I eat, what I wear and where I stay.
I am very hygienic, unfortunately my house in town has been turned into a pig sty by my daughter-in-law. She is very lazy and very untidy it is unfortunate that my son now dances to the same tune. Each time I go visit I clean the house and yard but this does not ring a bell to her.
Mwana ane tsvina iyeye and haadi nayo tsvina yake. I regret having left them in charge of our home. The flowers and the plants are all gone. Baba is also very upset about this but we just do not know what to do. I thought it was a better option to let them stay at the house than renting out to strangers.
I tried to speak to her but she is the stubborn type and shows no respect. The state and the condition of my house has reduced my love for my daughter in-law. When I visit them the truth is it is not for them but for me to go clean up.
She does not even assist when I do this instead she gives me a ndeyekwako look. Now she hardly visits us, only my son comes with his children once in a while kana pacho paaimbouya taito shuwira kuti achaenda rinhi kumba kwake, chapa yemakoko. Please I am confused I do not know what to do I am very unhappy.
Response
I am very well, thank you for asking. Congratulations it is very refreshing to hear of happy marriages especially in your old age. That is what it should be. People are born different to some you have to convey the message and to others you may use subtle actions and they will read in-between the lines.
Be a good communicator, however, so that you all operate on the same wave length.
As a mother you are the back bone of the family and you have to stand firm. You should always work hard to build the family, do not worry about small things like the ndeyekwako look. Such things are not important.
Good hygiene preserves life so never compromise. Tell muroora as it is.
Mukaita chiramwa muchiita mega do not think she will be affected since she is the stubborn type.
Tell her the house needs to be cleaned for the sake of her family. Diseases like typhoid and cholera can affect the whole family if good hygiene is not practiced. You also need to convey this message to your son, he too must take a keen interest.
This is not a divisive issue it should actually bring you closer.
Your idea of allowing your son and his wife to stay at the town house is very noble. Accommodation is hard to come by. Family relationships are very important and should last a lifetime. If you and baba are so unhappy about it do not let this continue to tear you apart.
Have the candid talk with them as I suggested earlier sooner rather than later. If they think otherwise give them the stipulated notice time and let them look for alternate accommodation. They are majors and they can stand on their own two feet.
Please point out that it is not good for muroora to stop visiting your rural home when the children and their father do, it confuses the kids.
Keep up the good work.
Always remember there is immense power in prayer so many problems are solved amicably and without much effort. I wish you all the best.
