The Sunday Mail
I am in love with a guy I went to primary school with. I am doing a degree and I excel when it comes to my studies.
My boyfriend, on the other hand, only has one O-Level pass; a C in History. My mother was saying washayawo here kana ku University kwauri but the truth is I have made my choice. I do not see these other guys as potentials.
Mai Chisamba, what has education to do with love? He is not gainfully employed but he is looking for work and it is my hope that achariwana.
We are a Christian family and I do not understand why such a family can look down on someone just because he is not educated.
When I am given pocket money I give some to him so that he gets along. We talk about our future. He wants us to get married after I finish my degree. Please assist because kumba vakundiita kunge ndisingatereri all because of the love I have for this guy.
Technically, love has nothing to with education but for it to survive it needs so many other things including education.
I agree; nobody has a right to look down upon someone, but remember there is a saying which states that “birds of a feather flock together”. That’s why some people such as your parents believe in the power of association.
I think it is in your best interest to convince him to pursue his studies. You can even help him with assignments and so forth.
Help him so that you operate on the same wavelength.
Instead of giving him money encourage him to get four more O-Level qualifications at least. Teach him how to fish and do not just hand out the fish.
The job market is not performing well these days but that does not mean one must be reluctant to continuously improve their qualifications.
Money is hard to come by. Your parents will be unhappy to hear you are giving some of it to your boyfriend. You risk having this privilege revoked.
If school qualifications are used wisely they can lead to a brighter future. Some may survive on kiya kiya but there is no stability.
If you are an avid reader of this column you may recall a number of people who ended up regretting the academic opportunities they did not capitalise on.
Let your parents know of your intentions to improve this guy, they might support you. I wish you all the best.
My landlady is a bully
I am a very unhappy lodger. I am married and I have one child. We have been at our current place for a year. We stayed in one room and it was getting too small.
Every night our maid would go sleep at my sister’s house in the same neighbourhood.
In February this year the landlady said we could get a second room if we could afford it but on one condition – we should also take the storeroom as it was close to the two big rooms.
I ended up paying an extra US$20. I did not mind because it was more space for us. Ever since we took this space our landlady is now bringing stuff for storage.
The store room is almost full. Isu tinongoisawo zvigubhu zviviri for extra water. Now I do not see any reason why we should keep on paying for this room.
I told my wife that we should voice our concern but she says we risk losing our lodgings. Every now and then our landlady comes to do a stock take; is that fair?
I am very disappointed about what is happening. Mai Chisamba, should I just keep quiet ndichikuvarira mukati or I go against my wife and ask? My wife is scared to death mbuya yacho inotyisa futi.
Life is all about being happy. You can’t pretend to be happy when you are not. I have addressed several issues between landlords and their tenants on this platform.
One thing I have discovered is that most unhappy tenants do not get a lease agreement before they take up their lodgings.
It is a simple but very powerful document that protects the interests of both the tenant and the landlady. It is binding.
Do you have a lease?
I can tell you are being taken advantage of. You are paying for this storeroom and it is your space; varikuisirei zvinhu zvavo imomo?
When letting out your house or rooms, the mentality of doing as you please without considering your tenants feelings should be stopped. One has to respect the space they have are leasing out.
She is crossing your path considering that she is the one who forced you to pay for the storeroom if you wanted to rent another room as well.
My advice is ask for a meeting with the landlady and iron everything out. You have rights. You should pay half price because you are sharing the room.
It is better to lose your lodgings than be unhappy. Talk to your spouse and tell her you are going to stand your ground and clear this with the landlady. Why is your wife so scared mukati zvichiri zvestoreroom chete kana kuti pane zvimwe zvamusina kududza?
If the meeting does not yield results you are happy with look for alternative accommodation. I would be happy to hear the outcome of your meeting. I wish you all the best.
Hubby removes ring when going out
When I married my husband rumour had it he was going out with an old flame who happened to be a secretary at his workplace.
We talked about this seriously before we married and he told me they had called it quits. He even offered to leave his job so that my heart would be settled to which I replied there was no need to do that because I believed him.
We have been married for three years and are blessed with a daughter. I quit my executive job because I wanted to do something I enjoyed and I started a catering business. In short hupenyu huri kufaya.
The problem is I think they have rekindled their romance.
Sometime ago my husband went for a workshop and came back without his wedding ring. I asked him where it was and he pretended not to know about it ndikapenga. I threatened to walk out.
Two days later he said he had found the ring in his desk drawer kubasa kwake. Although we talked about this I was left with more questions than answers.
Three weeks ago when I was doing laundry I found the ring again mukahomwe kemukati in his jeans. I took the ring and hid it. There is no joy in our home. He has torn the whole place apart looking for it. I asked him why he takes it off in the first place, he was speechless.
I remember how he said “with this ring I do wed thee” on our wedding day. At the time he seemed sincere, nhasi ndiyo ring irikungobiswa biswa, why? Is he the one who takes the ring off or it is someone else?
He is supposed to rotate his secretaries when they go for workshops but he takes his old flame and says ndiye ajaira masystems acho. He is pleading with me daily because I told him that if he does not find the ring I will take unspecified action.
Please assist, what do I do if these guys are still going out? How do I tell him kuti ndini ndine ring? Should I ask him to either fire this woman or its better for him to quit his job as he suggested a few years ago?
It is very sad when young couples put all their energy into fighting each rather than doing something constructive.
Marriage, I repeat, is a lifetime commitment. There is absolutely no need to get married if one still wants to play the field.
If he loved his old flame so much why did he not marry her? It is sad that people at times fail to identify where their best interests and true love lie.
I can understand why you are angry, your husband seems to be a pathological liar and such people are not easy to deal with because you never know when they are telling the truth or not.
He told you it was over between him and his secretary and he even wanted to quit his job to convince you he was telling the truth.
He has been lying about the ring, what difference does it make whether it is off or on his finger?
Love, respect and being faithful are bigger than anything a ring symbolises no matter how precious it is. It stands for something and, yes, it must be worn at all times – but it is a token at best.
How you act regardless whether you have your ring on or not is what matters most. Ko vaya vanodanana asi vasina mari yekutenga maring?
Your husband, from my point of view, is a weak man who wants to enjoy both worlds — ane ruchiva rwakanyanya. His behaviour is very wayward.
You need to focus on the bigger issue that lies beneath this practice of removing the wedding ring. Making him quit his job will not necessarily make him change his ways or stop seeking his secretary. The answer to all these woes may sound inadequate but the truth is he has to commit to loving his wife faithfully.
He chose you and he should stand by that. Please tell him you have the ring and give it back to him. I advise you to engage a professional counselor who will work with you guys, someone who will take you back to the drawing board.
You said hupenyu huri kufaya, kana love inodawo kufaya. A happy home is necessary for you to raise your child the right way. I am sorry about what you are going through especially in the wake of diseases like HIV and Aids. Pray sincerely for your marriage. There is immense power in prayer.
Please let me know the outcome of your issue after sessions with a counsellor.
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