My husband says I am dirty and scruffy

Mai Chisamba makadii henyu? Thank you for your column. Up until now I trusted my husband and loved him wholeheartedly. For the past fortnight he was leaving his phone at home saying he was too busy with auditors and I believed him. A few days ago his parents came home to see our baby. I am on maternity leave.

I pleaded with them to stay overnight so as to get a chance to see their son after work, but they said no because kumusha kune basa. I drove them to Mbare to catch the bus; unfortunately we missed the only bus that passes close to our home. I then suggested that we pass through my husband’s office so that he sees his parents, ini ndobva ndavamhanyisa kumusha nemota yangu. I got the shock of my life when I was told that he was on leave, kunyara kunokunda kufa.

His boss was equally shocked and promised to talk to him. After this I was so upset I couldn’t drive. I then suggested that we go back to Highfield. When he came back the three of us cornered him, my in-laws are so good, Mai Chisamba. Mai vaitoda kumurova.

He confessed he was cheating on me and was spending time with another woman. His reason for this was that I was driving him away because I had become dirty and scruffy. He even said “wachembera nevana two chete, hapana order pamba pano kana iwe wangoti bvuu”.

I respect my mother-in-law, we talked after the confrontation and she echoed the same sentiments but in a very motherly way. We are already working on our dented relationship, but how do I improve myself?

RESPONSE

Ndinofara, wakadii hako? To say the least I am sorry about what you went through and most of it was uncalled for. I don’t want to rub salt on old wounds since you are already working on your dented relationship as you rightfully said. I am very impressed by the way you relate with your in-laws, makorokoto!

They are just as good as your own parents, if not better.

Your husband did not need to cheat on you first then tell you kuti tsvina ndiyo iri kumudzinga, that’s a terrible weakness. He should be advised not to play silly games because he risks ending up with HIV and AIDS or STIs, it’s not good for you as a couple. You have a lot of potential; you should protect one another at all costs.

I agree bvu bvu haiite, asi wabvunza, zvinoratidza chido nekuzvininipisa. Your last question almost made me cry, after all this humiliation you simply say how do I improve myself? You can phone me for details of where you can go for grooming. Looking good is not just for your spouse, it should be for your inner person first.

Remember the clothes and hairstyles you wear play a pivotal role in your life. Kunyange kubika, kukudza vana zvakanaka nekuchengata mumba zvinoda kuramba zvichivandudzwa, zvinodzidzwa.

 

Can I stand accused because of a dream?

MAI Chisamba, I am so confused, I don’t know what to say. I am being accused of having said my mother-in-law is a witch. I never said that, the truth is what I saw in the dream that night. I will try to be brief, as per your request, Mai Chisamba.

Six months ago my amwene came into my dream (ndakavarota), she was stark naked, she had different types of lizards in a wooden plate. She opened my bedroom door quietly, when I saw this I tried to wake my husband up, but I couldn’t.

She came straight to me and said “waifunga kuti wakangwara, ndakuigirawo yedu nyama nekuti yako yemufridge unotinyima, nhasi uchadya yedzvinyu”. I said no to this and then she tried to force me, we fought like two angry lions until I managed to cry out loudly. Tese nemurume wangu takavhunduka tikapepuka and I was all sweat. When I told him about the dream, little did I know that I was opening a Pandora’s box.

In the morning my husband called his mother and told her about the dream, nyaya yanetsa iyoyi. As I write you there is going to be an indaba between his people and mine. My problem is, what wrong have I done? I never accused anyone of anything, this was just a dream. Ndibatsirewo, kurota imhosva here? This has affected our relationship in both families.

Response

Thank you for writing in. Why this fuss about a dream? How was your relationship before the dream? I can’t believe two families are going to have an indaba because of a dream.

Am I missing something here? It’s common knowledge that one does not choose what to dream about. This is very tricky and most unusual. In dreams anything goes, pamwe unotorota uchibhururuka, kana uine pfuma yausina, etc. Some dreams are influenced by our lifestyles, environment and even the movies we see on TVs or elsewhere.

The issue of dreams is very complex, even during the biblical times many people failed to interpret correctly. Sei yakaita mhosva kumhuri yemurume wako? Why did your husband tell his mother about this particular dream?

Spouses do share their dreams, ko chii chazoipa apa? I will be very honest with you; my knowledge about dreams is very limited, I would be happy if any of our readers can help us out.

Things that don’t have scientific evidence don’t have conclusive answers in most cases. I suggest on the day of the indaba you rope in an independent professional counsellor who will talk to both families. In my view your husband’s family seems to be very superstitious.

Please let me know the outcome, I hope this will not tear you apart because hope hadzina mugano. Even after this you will continue to dream about whatever. Good luck.

He is ungrateful

Mai Chisamba, thank you for your column. When I married my husband so many years ago he was like the Moses of his family.

We had a small four-roomed house in the ghetto, but to his people it was like a palace. Whoever came from kumusha came and stayed with us, whoever wanted assistance it was from us.

I complied and gave my all. When my husband’s brother died, we took his son who was in Grade Two then. We had our own children, two daughters and one son, so when we took him it worked well, our son had a friend and brother. My children are all adults now, they have done well. In school they were average students, but Jim (not his real name) wekwa babamukuru was a genius, he ended up with a master’s degree. Mwana uyu haana kumboziva hunherera because we covered the gap.

I read your column last week and saw that someone was complaining about factions in families, churches and everywhere that pushed me to write to you. It’s true and mumhuri it’s so ugly and the worst.

This Jim is now very well up and most of my husband’s people rally behind him, haana chakanaka chaanotaura pamusoro pedu. He says he toiled nehupenyu, we were very mean and cruel to him, but this is unbelievable and the opposite of the truth. At times taidzidzisa vana nemari yechimbadzo zvaoma.

The four of them were in boarding school. He was very intelligent, we sent him to university even before our own children nekuti vaimbofoira. Zvinoitwa nevanhu vakaipa here izvi, Mai Chisamba?

He hardly comes to our house; we stay in the same town and suburb, but ndazvitya. I told my husband that I never want to look after other people’s children anymore, moyo wangu wakatoomeswa.

Response

Thank you so much for reading my column and thank you for your testimony. First I want to say well done for looking after babamukuru’s son and for all the good things you did for him.

What you should know is it’s not easy for most people to appreciate and acknowledge good things.

When you do good things you do for your God, this is why Jesus said “inasmuch as you have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren you have done unto me” (Matthew 25:40).

When we are blessed we just receive and we don’t ask why nekuti zvakatinakira. You said your children have done well, I think that’s God’s blessing kutendwa nezvakanaka zvamakaita muupenyu. Do not worry about these cheap family factions, the best is not to belong to any, just be true to yourself. Yes for now some may rally behind him for reasons best known to them, but it will come to an end.

Vakuru vanoti guhwa rinonakidza, asi haritane kushapa. My advice is continue to help the family if need be; people are individuals don’t liken everyone to Jim.

I think you should forgive him and be the bigger person, musarase mbereko nekufirwa ndapota. From the way you write I think you are capable of putting the family back on track. I wish you all the best.

 

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