The Sunday Mail
Guilty: I can’t forgive myself
Thank you Mai Chisamba for a column that is moulding families.
I write to you with a very heavy heart. I feel guilty but I cannot bring myself to say the noble word “sorry”. I am a mother of three and happily married. All my children are grown up, I have a set of twin boys and a daughter.
When I married my husband he had just lost his wife through a bus crash, their son a two-year-old then had survived. My husband got so attached to this boy and it made me very jealous. I want to pour out to you Mai Chisamba, ndashaya zororo. This is a true testimony please conceal my identity.
I ill-treated this child, beating him up, feeding him on leftovers instead of proper meals when his father was away. I used to create and lie about his behaviour to his father and most of the time he got punished for things he never did. I can say akatambudzika Thomas. He can write a book about his life if he so wishes.
Despite all this he was unstoppable, he excelled in whatever he did be it at school or sport. I made sure he was never in touch with people from his mother’s side ndichinyepera kuroiwa kana vambomutora.
To cut a long sad story short, this boy we are talking about has really done well, he holds a masters degree and is a very prosperous and humble businessman. I have prayed for forgiveness but I still feel empty. As we speak he bought a new twin cab for my birthday, the card was written “to the best mum in the world”.
Chengetero yaanoita mhuri yangu nababa ndizvo zviri kundinyadzisa. He speaks highly of me, takabviswa kughetto we now stay in a posh four-bedroomed house he bought for us. I know he remembers the way I brought him up, I was mean and cruel. Please help me, how do I rub this past? What do I do? I can’t move on I feel so ashamed.
Response
Thank you for reading my column and for writing in. Wow! It takes a lot of courage to write such a testimony. As usual we protect the identities of our writers. I read your letter with tears in my eyes.
I lost my dear mother when I was a teenager so I know how it feels to grow up without one’s mum. It’s sad that instead of embracing this poor boy who had survived the bus crash that took his mother away from him you made the situation worse. I don’t want to dwell on the negatives because the reason for your letter is how do you bury the past and move on. I am happy that you have a conscience although it took some years to be operational.
The truth about life is you cannot press down a great man or woman for some are born with greatness like Thomas. I also want to say thank you for bringing this boy up, remember his mother left him when he was only two. Although you were not the best mum you let him go through school – that is commendable.
My first advice is take courage and say sorry to your stepson, this will be the beginning of the healing process, do this in the presence of his father. Pouring out will not be easy. Taking Thomas back that memory lane is hard but it will set you free. You say you feel empty even after praying for yourself, engage some prayer warriors like your pastor, elders, etcetera and organise some prayer sessions, ko uchagotya kusviba iwe wakateya marihwa murutsva here?
Lastly get a professional counsellor who will talk to you and help close this gloomy chapter of your life. Continue to pray sincerely for your guilty conscience kubata kwaMwari kunogadzirisa. Thank you for trusting me with your testimony. Keep me updated. I wish you all the best.
Muramu taking advantage of wife’s sisters
Mai Chisamba, thank you for your column I have learnt so much from it.
I am a 17-year-old girl and I stay with my sister who is barren. Babamukuru desperately wanted a child and my other elder sister was given to him and they had one child.
Their relationship did not last, they were always fighting so my other sister left. After she went away I was sacrificed to be his wife again since he wants more children. I said yes because I didn’t know how to respond, I was just scared. After a few encounters with babamukuru handichada hangu. He took me in a few months ago but no I just can’t continue. I am afraid I can’t disclose the reasons. Please help ndovaudza sei amai kuti no I don’t want, I can’t continue.
Response
Thank you so much for your letter. It is unbelievable that such primitive and cruel things are happening in Zimbabwe. What type of a background do you come from, three sisters given to one man, why? Why are your parents being unreasonable? People marry because they love each other ndicho chete chikonzero chewanano.
Children are special gifts from God and it is him alone who can give such a gift. I feel sorry for your sister, the real babamukuru’s wife because she is being treated unfairly.
It must be very painful to share your man with your sisters all because you cannot bear children. This is worse than rubbing salt on old wounds, you are supposed to give her a shoulder to cry on and not the other way round.
Babamukuru should not force himself on you, it is illegal, you can report him to the police. You are not a child-making machine, you are human unodawo wako wetsvimbo waunoda nekufadzwa naye. Tell him in the presence of your family that you do not want such an arrangement. You did not tell me why you stay with this couple if your parents are alive.
I suggest you go back home you are only 17, you are not a major yet. You need to go for a pregnancy test before you leave, you might have fallen pregnant unknowingly.
The two of you owe your big sister an apology. Do not allow this greedy babamukuru to take advantage of you, pamberi pane upenyu uzere nekubwinya uchiri wezera rechidiki, usazvipotedzere. Babamukuru’s best place is jail. I would want to hear from you again.
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Sugar daddy not ready for child
MAI CHISAMBA, thank you so much for your platform.
I am 26 years old and have been dating a married man for the past six years. He is 52 and we are madly in love.
I am not employed but he provides for all my needs. My problem is that I have fallen pregnant and he now says I should abort because he is not ready for my child, ko vari kumba kwake?
At my age I feel it is ok to keep my baby, ndakura and ndakumuda mwana. I am afraid to have a backyard abortion because anything can happen, I may even die. I love him so much and he loves me too but I don’t understand why.
My questions are does he love or he just wants sex from me? What should I do about the pregnancy? Should I keep it? I need your help.
Response
Thank you so much for writing in. A young lady of 26 years dating a married man, why? What is your intention? How can you be so sure that he loves you so much when he is married to another woman?
If he is cheating on his official spouse, does it ever cross your mind that this man could be dating several other women?
Love triangles are very unsafe because of disease like HIV and AIDS and many others. You are young and full of potential, why don’t you do something for a living, why are you so dependent on him?
If he walks out on you what do you do? Your letter shows that your pregnancy is unplanned, no wonder why he is not ready for your child.
Why create a family you cannot take responsibility of? If he did not want a child why did you have unprotected sex? In Zimbabwe, backyard abortions are illegal so the only option is to keep the baby. After the child is born go to court so that this guy pays for the child support.
My observation is what you are describing as true love is just fake. You took words out of my mouth when you said this guy has you as a sex object, this could be hundred percent true.
Are you too blind to see that even if muri kuita zvechipfambi he does not want to have children out of wedlock? You are playing with fire, there are too many risks that you are taking.
His wife can sue you for adultery if she gets to know about this.
This guy can walk out on you because you are refusing to take his instructions. My advice is try and do something for yourself, very soon baby will be here and you cannot always wait for handouts.
You will need money for hospital bills and the child’s welfare. Chipfambi is not the best at this juncture.
