The Sunday Mail
I love her but she has another boyfriend
Ndaiti ndazviwanirawo musikana Mai Chisamba, nyangwe zvazvo akandiudza kuti ane mukomana kare. Ndakafunga kuti masasi emusikana arikupfimbwa. Musikana ndomuda uyu zvekuti tinototaura zvekuzoroorana. Problem yaapo manje haasi kuda kurambana nemukomana uya.
Ndanzwa nekudhumaniswa weduwee. Anoti haangangorambe munhu asina chaatadza, heee ko ukazondirasisa? Ndiri kuona sekuti ari kundishandisa. Angazotoite mukadzi kwaye ndamuroora here musikana uyu? Hongu ndakamuda ndichiziva, asi shanje dzakundibaya. Ndoitawo kuroora kwemakwikwi nekutya kutorerwa? – Benji, Murehwa
Response
Nguva dzose kuramba kugashira chokwadi kunounza kudemba mune remangwana. This girl told you that there was someone in her life and you refused to take note of that, so what do you expect? Washayei, Benji, kutopinzwa paqueue yekuti kana aramba uyu ndozokwanawo? Nyika izere nevasikana vakanaka.
Iwe uri kundiudza kuti unotofunga zvekuroora a girl who is double crossing you now, masikati machena shiri dzichivaka iwe uchiziva? Zvino ukamuroora iye achikuudza kuti haagone kuramba mumwe mukomana uyu nekuti haana chaakatadza, zvinoreva kuti vanongoenderera mberi even after you marry her. Chokwadi wandinzwisa tsitsi kuita musikana wemubatanidzwa mukore uno.
Wakambonzwawo here about HIV and Aids. Usashandise izwi rekuti shanje pasipo, unoita shanje yei iwe wakaudzwa? Musikana uyu haasi munhu kwaye nekuti munyengedzi. Ini handidi kuti Benji wakapusa, chirega nditi pachirungu vanoti wake up and smell the coffee. Kurudziro yangu ndeyekuti tsvaga wako musikana, uyu siyana naye.Mother-in-law is too demanding
I am a wife and working mother of two. We rent a house in Harare where my kids go to school. My mother-in-law is a widower, vanemba yavowo in Harare where she keeps chickens. Monthly we buy her groceries and pay her bills, hapana chavanoshaya but her needs are never-ending. She wants to upgrade her sofas, repaint the house, maybe even renovate like the neighbours did, also get a maid and all this my husband is expected to do because izai regondo.
We have our stand isati yatanga kutombovakwa but akutotaura zverenovation yemba yamai vake. It is not fair on me and my kids. My husband doesn’t see emotional blackmail yaanoitwa namai vake. I don’t ever want to come across like I don’t want to take care of his mother but when will we do zveupenyu hweduwo, even save for my children’s education? I feel my mother-in-law is being selfish and manipulative. How do I knock some sense into my husband’s mommy-controlled head? – Rudo, Mabvuku
Response
Ndinokunzwisisa, Rudo, nyaya yemadzimwene nevaroora ikarega kubatwa zvakanaka inoputsa misha younza matambudziko kuvana nekumhuri. Chekutanga vamwene ngavabvume mumoyo mavo kuti mwana arumuka, he has his own home to run. Kana wakazvara mwana ukachengeta hachisi chikwereti, ikodzero chinhu chinoitwa nemubereki wese. Mai ngavadzidze kugutsikana nezvavainazvo nezvamuri kuvaitira.
Murume wako newe rongai pamwe chete nekuti muwanano mune combined budget.
Ndinokurudzira nyaya yekubudirana pachena mose muripo. Mukaona zvisina kushanda daidzai sekuru, hanzvadzi yaamai, kana mukoma kana munin’ina wavo mokurukura kuitira kuti pasazobuda mashoko ekuti ndakatukwa kana kupumwa. Kurukura nemurume wako kuti aone kukosha kwekushandira vana nekuvarongera ramangwana.
Mai vakakosha asi ngavarege kungotevedzera mafashion nezvakadaro dzimwe nguva hazvisi nyore. Ndinoda kukukorokotedzai nekuchengeta mai kunyange vari kuratidza kusagutsikana, zvamuri kuvaitira mazuva ano hazviitwe nevana vakawanda, keep it up. Nyaya yenyu ngaitange nepekuti ivo mai vane pekugara imi hamuna munotoda kuvaka stand yenyu. Ivo munhu mumwechete imi you are four so she must not be selfish. Last but not least continue to love and assist her.My boss raped me
Ini ndinoshanda mumba, mai vandinoshandira vanoita zvekunotengesa kunze kwenyika saka nguva zhinji ndosara nevana, baba uye munin’ina wababa ava. Babamudiki vakandipfimba ndikavada asi hapana ati ave kuziva kuti tinodanana. Muna February, amai vasipo baba vakauya usiku vakadhakwa havana kupinda kumain house vakauya kukamba kwandinogara vakasvikondimanikidza kurara navo, ndakachema asi hapana akandinzwa sezvo yard yakakura.
Vakandisiira mari yakaenzana neyandinotambiriswa vakati ndisataure. Mazuva ano vave kuzviita pese panenge pasina amai. Ini zvakandiomera kuti ndoudza ani mukomana wangu here munin’ina wavo, ko akasazvibvuma?
Chokwadi mukavaona hamungazvifungire kuti vangaita zvakadaro. Mukadzi wavo anofara zvekuti handidi kumurwadzisa, ko vakarambana? Ndinenge ndaputsa musha, ndogona kudzingwazve basa, ndoriwanepi rimwe?
Mari yavanondipa baba ava inobatsira zvikuru sekuti ndini ndirikuchengeta mai vangu varikumusha nevana vakasiiwa nemukoma wangu akashaya, saka ndoida.
Asi mukomana wangu akutaura zvekuda kuudza mukoma wake kuti anoda kundiroora, zvinondinetsa kuti baba ava vachataura zvakaipa pamusoro pangu kuti achinje pfungwa. Uye ndikaudza ani naani zvake ndinonzi ndainyararirei pese apa uye mari ndakashandisa. Handisisina mufaro, ndoitasei? – Melody, Braeside
Response
Munhu anenge iwe anotorwadza kupindura tsamba yake nekuti inenge yakazara mibvunzo. Chekutanga ndaona kuti une zvinhu zviviri zviri mauri pamwe zvausinganzwisise. Unoti chipfambi nechitsotsi, it’s a horrible combination. Baba ava sei usina kuvamhan’ara? Ivo vari kutoti ndiwe pfambi yavo ndosaka vachibhadhara bonde renyu. Uri kuti mari iyi unoida nekuti iri kubatsira kuchengeta vari kumusha saka you are in business.
This is dirty money, my friend, zvauri kuita hazvina gomborero. Uri kuda kunyepera kunzwira tsitsi amai ava iwe uri kuvaba gotsi zvakadai. Ndiri kushama kuti muri kutotaura nyaya dzewanano nababa mudiki, ko sei usingamuudze? Unoda kupinda mumarriage wakabereka tumadirty secrets, marriage is a lifetime commitment.
Ko zvavari mabrothers, mutambo wenyu nababa unopera here iwe uchida mari zvakadai? Urikutya kuti pada vachaudza munin’ina wavo zvakashata pamusoro pako. Ko inhema here, aiwa ndicho chokwadi iwe wakashata. Ipapo urikuti kunyengedza amai vemba plus your boyfriend. Kurudziro ndeyekuti usaparadze mhuri yavaridzi, waakudhumanisa musoro vanhu vatatu. Chibvapo unotanga upenyu hwakavimbika kumwe, please.Wife must move up or else . . .
Hi Mai Chisamba, thank you for such a helpful column. I’m a successful businessman, married to a good woman, tine vana four. I started from scratch in life nemudzimai wangu kusvika patave right now. We get invites to classy dinners and high-profile functions. The thing is, my wife does not fit into the circles I now move in. Ndinoedza kumurakidza zvakanaka nekumupa mari yekunotenga hembe, but she still prefers to go kuMupedzanhamo for second-hand stuff.
Ndinonzwa kunyara nekuti it appears like I don’t take care of my family. Ndikamuendesa kusalon she chooses the same weave everytime hanzi rhumba. She gets on my nerves these days I find myself reacting violently to her stingy habits. I need her to move up with me or else aende hake. Hapana kunodzidziswa here zvinhu zvakadai, Mai Chisamba, kwandingamuendese? – Godfrey, Chitungwiza
Response
Uri murume akanaka anobvunza zano kwaro asati aparadza mhuri yake. Ndinotenda nekubatsirika necolumn ino sekutaura kwako. Thank you for acknowledging your wife as a good spouse zvakakosha muupenyu. Makorokoto ekutanga from scratch kusvika padepfure.
Urikuti mai havachanyatsokwana muma classy circles and high-profile functions, aiwa kuziva mbuya huudzwa. Mazuva ano kunodzidziswa good grooming munzvimbo dzakasiyana siyana. Vanozviita vanonyorera kuma company, kudzisvondo kana kuisa ma adverts munhepfenyuro dzakati kuti zvicherechedzei munosangana nazvo.
Kunodzidziswa zvakawanda to mention just a few tips – Kusiyana kwekugeza nekupfuura nemubhavhu, kusiyana kwekuita dress up nekukanda mbatya pamuviri wako – kusiyana kwekusimudza gumbo neshangu nekugiya sekunge uri kumhanyira mombe.
Mawedzerero erunako akakodzera asingatyise vamwe, pavhudzi, nzara nezvimwewo. Usanetsane nemukadzi wako zvinhu zvinodzidzwa. Ko iwe wakazomusiya sure sei imi makatanga mose from scratch? Itai tsika nditsikewo mufambirane – Good luck.My mother ill-treats me
How are you, Mai Chisamba? First and foremost I would like to say that I admire you a lot, you are my role model. I am girl aged 15 and I stay with my mother and sister. I am a day scholar, everyday before I leave for school my mother demands that I do all the chores even if it means being late for school.
She treats me so differently from my sister, she always says I should do like her. If I clean the house she always looks for a spot I missed and she beats me with anything she can lay her hands on. She says I am very lazy and ndakapusa. Zvinondirwadza, Mai Chisamba, I don’t think she is my mother at all. I keep thinking of running away, but I don’t have anywhere to go. Is there a place in Harare where I can go to? Help me before I run away please. –
Memory, Epworth
Response
Ndinotenda nekundipa mucherechedzo wakanaka zvakadaro. Chekutanga ndinoti mai ngavarege kuranga mwana vaine hasha vachingoshandisa chavabata nekuti zvine ngozi. Vamwe vakauraya kana kuremadza munhu pamusoro pezvakadai.
Please, Melody, do not run away from home it will not do you any good. Mai pavanenge vasina kutsamwa makafaranuka henyu imbotaurai pamusoro pekukosha kwechikoro.
Vakai kaukama kakanaka naamai. Kudzidziswa kuchenesa pamba hazvina kushata ibasa raamai asi hazvifanire kukanganisa relationship yenyu nechikoro. Ini ndinofunga kuti ndimai vako nekuti wava nemakore 15 pasina akambotaura nezvazvo.
Asi ukaramba une doubt mazuva ano kune maDNA tests anosunungura kusagutsikana. Kushungurudza mwana kana mumwe munhu zviri kunze kwemutemo.
Pari zvino ngatimboona kuti munoyanana here nekukurukura kana zvaramba taura nasahwira wavo kana veukama hwavo vakavimbika vanoziva tsindidzo. Last option would be to involve organisations that stand for children’s rights. Unozondinyorerazve kuti ndinzwe kuti zvaapapi.‘She has a spiritual husband’
Makadii Mai Chisamba? About a month ago my fiancée and I decided to go to this Pentecostal church as we would like to have a church wedding.
During the service musikana akatanga kuti she felt sick, taakuda kubuda panze. The pastor called her kumberi and started praying. Zvandakaona ipapo, Mai Chisamba, zvakandityisa, her voice was like a man’s, aida kurova mausher pakatozouya echirume to restrain her.
The pastor said she had a spiritual husband. Since that day I haven’t been able to be with her, I don’t think ndichakwanisa or even willing to marry her anymore. Kuchurch vakati she is free hake, but ini ndakutya, that spirit said if she ever does get married her husband will die. I don’t want to risk my life. Am I being unreasonable, nhai Mai Chisamba? – Collin, Mbare
Response
Chekutanga your reason for going to church is wrong, makaendera kuchurch kuti mozowana kokuchatira. Aiwa vanhu vanofanira kuenda kunotsvaga kwekushumira Mwari. Mazuva ano machurch nezvitendero zvawanda. Zvizhinji zvacho hatina nzwisiso yakakwana pamusoro pazvo, zvinongonzi ndezvemweya asi munombozvibvunzawo kuti mweya waaniko?
Dai makanga maendera kuchurch kunonamata ungadai usingatye waitofara kuti pastor has destroyed the spiritual husband.
Nyaya iri pano is about faith saka yakatiomei. Ini sedungamunhu handivhundutswe zvakanyanya kuona munhu ari kurwara achitaura seakurasa pfungwa, kana kuti kungowomoka nekuti zvirwere zvakaita se celebral malaria nezvimwewo zvinogona kusvitsa munhu pakadaro.
The spirit did not say anything out of this world yakati anomuroora achafa, ko pane asingazofa here? Munhu wese akazvarwa achafa. Ko sei mweya usinawo kuti anomuroora achaita mapapiro obhururuka?
Collin dai ndiri iwe ndaimboendesa musikana wangu kuhospital onotorwa matests ose anokodzera pada anotove nedambudziko. Hero jira kufuka kana kuwarira. Chenjera kurasikirwa neshiri yanga yave mumaoko.
