The Sunday Mail
THE old saying has always gone, “A dog is man’s best friend”.
Hogwash! I have never heard of, let alone seen a man taking his dog on his first date, or any date for that matter.
Have you ever seen a man stopping dead in his tracks when he sees a dog? That only happens when the poor guy is being attacked by the beast and has panicked, not when admiring it.
On a serious level, I have never seen any person licking his lips drooling in admiration of our canine friends, big, large, small, hairy, fierce or otherwise.
No, the only thing that truly deserves the title of “man’s best friend” is a car.
Yes, that’s right, a car. You know it? That invention that enabled man to travel faster than horses, has outgrown its initial purpose, to make travelling easier and has become one of, if not the greatest item on any one’s wish list, women included.
They come in all sizes and all sorts of different colours, so they are not boring. What are you, a banker, sportsmen, artiste, doctor, soldier or playboy?
I guarantee you there is a car out there for you. From the small but reliable Morris Minor to the mighty Ford F250, you can find anything that tickles your fancy and everything in between. Pick one, hell, you can pick a dozen!
One’s relationship with one’s car is truly personal.
It is one of those relationships where two become one, driver and machine become so attached that trying to separate them would be like trying to get between a child and his last chocolate bar.
I have seen vehicles that no one but the owner can drive properly. Suffice to say that such vehicles would be having some sort of problem that only the owner knows and understands. Anybody else who tries to drive that vehicle will be cursing until kingdom come.
Did you know that there are more movies about cars than there are about dogs? Indeed, if I am allowed to stretch the truth a little bit, I would say there are more multi-platinum selling albums and songs about cars than there are about dogs.
Cars enhance a person’s brand. They tell us about your social status or standing without you even saying a word. Just like you would tell us via Facebook that you are single, searching, married or whatnot, a car does that with utmost subtlety.
Drive a Mercedes S500 and status is “wealthy”, a BMW and your status is “I’m successful”. Drive an Audi and your status says, “I make more money than you”, Rolls Royce? “I’m filthy rich and you can’t do anything about it”.
Seriously, just take a look at company executives and the cars they drive.
There is a reason they do not drive around in Peugeots 504’s, Ford Escorts or some of these ex-Japs. How many executives have you seen driving Beetles? It’s either they drive a Mercedes, BMW, Jaguar or some other ridiculously luxurious car.
Cars contribute towards GDP, dogs do not, or at least if they do then that contribution is infinitesimal. More motor vehicle related items pass through customs every minute than dog food does every five or so years.
I’ve never seen an advert in the classifieds selling a pre-owned dog. “German shepherd, black/brown, 0-100 km in 4,8 seconds, lady owned/one owner, call 111555. Bonkers! Dogs have zero resale value and when they are old you either have the SPCA put them down or you give them to the Iranians and have them sent to space. Nobody sells second hand dogs nor does anybody trade-in their dogs either.
Cars on the one hand can be as old as Methuselah but still rock like they just come from the showroom.
We have vehicles from the ’40s through to the ’60s still holding their own.
In fact, not only do cars have value even though they have aged, some actually increase in value.
Human beings love cars so much that they do insanely crazy, downright stupid things with them. Missy Elliot, the US hip-hop artiste converted one of her sports cars into a bed. She chopped off the roof, removed the seats and replaced them with a mattress and left the engine in.
Maybe it’s the intoxicating smell of exhaust fumes or the sound each engine produces or the thrill of speed. Whatever it is, it has man hypnotised like they are on some hallucinogenic drug. Man’s love for cars and all things motor related will never be quenched.