Mother-in-law stirring the pot

15 Jan, 2023 - 00:01 0 Views
Mother-in-law stirring the pot

The Sunday Mail

DEAR Amai. I hope I find you well. I am 28 years old and a mother of a lovely two-year-old boy. My husband and I have been married for four years now. When I started dating my husband, he was not in good books with his parents because he had broken up with his childhood sweetheart.

They had grown to love her so much. Up to now, my mother-in-law never broke the bond between herself and my husband’s ex-lover, although she is now married to someone who does not know this background.

The reason I am writing to you is that I am hurt and heartbroken. Tete, my hubby’s sister who lives abroad, brought two very special perfumes for Christmas.

She gave both to Amai to pick one and give the other one to her daughter-in-law, referring to me, of course.

Tete asked me whether I liked my gift because I never thanked her. She was shocked when Amai admitted that she had given it to my husband’s ex-flame because she thought she was the daughter-in-law tete was referring to.

I do not understand what this means. To make matters worse, we still stay at my mother-in-law’s house.

I have cried my heart out and I feel unwanted and abused. My husband does not lift a finger, although he knows that they still communicate.

Please, help. I am heart-broken.

Response

Hello writer. Your letter made my reading very sad. I empathise with you. I think your mother-in-law is living in the past. You are the official daughter-in-law.

How did she confuse you with an ex-flame, whom her son never wedded? Your husband should put his foot down and have a candid talk with his mother. Her actions have the potential to jeopardise two sets of marriages.

I also think this other woman buys into it too much. What would her husband say if he knew of this? Tete would have done well to hand out the gifts personally.

Tete is now also under the spotlight.

Does this mean other gifts are still being given to the former lover? Why the sudden mix-up?

Please, find a mediator to help put the past to rest. We are running on borrowed time.

It would be a shame if most of it were spent holding on to remnants of the past and not focusing on the present. I wish you all the best.

It’s time to grow a spine

Dear Amai. Compliments of the season. I am a married man aged 37 and a father of three. I have a beautiful wife. I come from a family of three brothers and I am the youngest. We are all married and stay in the same town.

Most visitors from my side of the family prefer to come to my place whenever they visit the town. Some of them come without appointments and overstay their welcome. I want to start a project that I have failed to launch over the past two years.

I do not know how best I can put it across to people that they stop visiting and staying at my place. I am tired of people.

My brothers have nicknamed me Mr Mudyiwa and I now feel this is the reason I am failing. My wife is a full-time housewife and the going is not easy. I feel burdened. Please, help.

Response

 Same to you, thank you so much. I am glad you have a project that you want to embark on to help boost your finances.

In Shona, we have an adage that says “Muenzi haapedzi dura”.

Have you ever wondered why people from your family side choose to come and stay with you instead of going to any of your brothers’ homes?

In my view, I think it is the way you treat people and relate to them. You sound like a welcoming couple. Were it not for the taunting from your brothers, we may not be here.

However, if you do really need to save or use space for your projects, then let people know. Be honest and truthful always, and you will find that you are not riddled with guilt when you make a firm stance.

I wish you and your wife all the best.

I can’t figure out my

next step

I am an 18-year-old woman and I was forced to move in with my boyfriend after I came home late from a movie.

The delay arose because we had trouble trying to get transport back home. My grandparents sent me packing.

Towards the end of last year, my own parents sent me to my grandparents’ home, after they complained about what they termed bad behaviour. The person in whose company  I was is not my lover; he is just a friend.

His parents have sent me to their farm and given me my own hut, food and a small stove. My male friend has been banned from seeing me or coming to the farm.

His parents never complained; all they said is I will go back to where I came from when I am fed up. What hurts me most is that nobody believes what I say. What can I do, Amai, about the predicament I am in?

I am lonely. I do not have any friends here and they said I should not do any work.

Response

Dear writer. Thank you for writing in. When you decide to write on this platform, you should tell it all. I am only able to help when I know the truth.

There are many holes in your story. You referred to this young man as your boyfriend, then friend. You were kicked out of your parents’ house and your grandparents’, all in under a space of a few weeks. You refer to allegations of “bad behaviour”. What exactly constitutes this behaviour?

Repent and ask for forgiveness. I will get you in touch with an organisation that helps young adults such as yourself get back on track. Career and education prospects aside, you need to figure out where you can stay.

If a reconciliation is possible with your family, I think we must focus on that, so you go back home and earn your keep.

You are 18 now and accountable for your actions. The law will not take it easy on you if you keep getting into trouble.

Zvekubika mapoto kumusha kwausingadiwi is unheard of. Please, furnish me with all the details so that we can really start working on trying to turn this situation around.

 

Feedback: [email protected]; 0771415474

 

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