Matrimonial Hub: In-laws or in-loves?

07 Jun, 2015 - 00:06 0 Views

The Sunday Mail

Apostle Langton Kanyati

IN-LAWS are the relatives we acquire upon marriage. They are relatives of either side of a spouse whether parents, siblings, immediate or distant.

These are called “in-laws” but I do, however, prefer to call them “in-loves” because love is what connected us to our spouse’s relatives. Love is for two but marriage is for all. Although you marry an individual, you marry into a family. Just like any relationship, this relationship with in-laws is fragile so HANDLE WITH CARE.

When it comes to in-laws, some are good, some are bad and some are wonderful. Others behave like monsters, some have weaknesses, some have wickedness. A lot of tact, wisdom, tolerance and maturity must be applied in such relationships.

In-laws are a part of our lives so one has to establish a mutual relationship. Sometimes I think the “names” or “tags” we put on people create a distance. For instance, since they are part of the family as much as you are part of the family, I would want to see them being treated as such.

Accept your in-laws just as they are, see them as people whom God has attached value to. Good or bad just accept them. Do not try to change them, if they are any changes that must be done, let God bring the changes. We can only pray for our in-laws but we cannot change them, only God can. Celebrate them. The best way to win a person is to show them our respect and honour them even if they do not deserve it.

What makes it very delicate to deal with in-laws is the fact that you are dealing with real people with real feelings and human beings are naturally sensitive. Just like in any relationship, there are expectations, needs and values. Wisdom is therefore supreme when it comes to dealing with this subject.

When a man marries, for instance, his parents may expect him to adopt all his siblings and take care of them. They may also expect the young bride to play a motherly role to the whole family no matter how big the family is. Some may even expect the young couple to dwell in the same house with the whole family. This may, however, create tension for a young bride who may not have foreseen the magnitude of what is expected from her by her new found family.

A couple may sometimes encounter challenges when in-laws interfere with their decision making. You may get a couple who wants to settle first and have children later whereas in-laws may be expecting a grandchild nine months later.

On the lady’s side, especially for those who were bread winners, there may be expectations of continued financial assistance from either the parents or the siblings. Unfortunately, if the husband was not looking forward to that, then there can be real challenges. The best gift we can give to a new couple is emotional,financial and material support so that they can start their family on a clean slate.

Cultural differences and linguistic differences may create strained relationships. Every effort should be made to learn all the cultural and linguistic differences between the two families.

The other reason why it is very difficult to deal with in-laws is the fact that adults are not always easy to deal with. Siblings rivalry is also sometimes a culprit, in-laws view the spouse as an enemy because there is a feeling of “losing” the family member to the spouse.

I wish people could understand that there is a role that a mother plays that the wife cannot play and equally there is a role that a wife plays that the mother cannot play. These two are equally important.

Relationships are not an event,they are a process. Be patient, things will work out. Meanwhile, PRAY PRAY and PRAY. Eph 6 v 12-14. Be sensitive, caring, tactful, diplomatic and patient. Relationships must be prayed for. We should show the fruit of the spirit when dealing with our in-laws. Have a heart of a child, a child does not keep any grudges, always forgiving. You should always have the mind of a scholar, a scholar is quick to learn and adapt to change. Enjoy your marriage.

Email feeback at apostlelckanyati@zoelcm,Whatsapp: 0773987844

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