The Sunday Mail
‘Beauty is surely in the eyes of the beholder’, read the bold advert underneath a picture of what most men would consider the perfect female butt on a wrapper cover.
It later emerged the wrapper contained inflatable breasts and buttocks that could be inflated to a desired size.
A pump, slightly smaller than a bicycle pump, was part of the package. Instructions were that one inflates the buttocks after slipping them on.
Forget about the Appetito tablets that are believed to have the capacity to enhance the size of any woman’s butt or breasts.
Even though scientifically, no butt or breast has been known to have grown in size after taking them, women in the sub-Saharan Africa region continue to take the tablets!
Mainini Bea was shocked last weekend when she attended one of these never-ending bridal showers. And by the way, we are in the season of weddings!
In what appeared to have been a realisation of the medical dangers posed by these drugs, the woman who was demonstrating how to wear the inflatable buttocks called on Zimbabwean women to move on and try her ‘‘super buttocks’’.
These, she said, would guarantee that the women, especially those that are not so endowed with the African heritage, would attract the opposite sex.
And with the inflatables came an instructions list in a Chinese language!
I had never imagined the world could ever be this perverted and judging from the reaction of the other guests, I definitely was not alone in my shock.
The instructor, who said she imported these gadgets from China, explained the virtues of using them trashing those who still think Appetitos would help ‘‘give us a very bright future behind us’’ as a colleague of mine would put it.
As I wondered how much duty she had paid, I shook my head in awe. Minister Chinamasa was spot on when he lamented over the millions of foreign currency we use to import useless products. What kind of a nation would import inflatable buttocks and breasts? Idi here?
After my initial shock, I went over to the merchandise woman to get a clearer understanding of how the ‘‘super buttocks’’ would enhance an ‘‘already very bright future behind me’’.
She explained that the products would be more useful to the slender women with a flat chest and behind.
The women who were present at this party agreed these gadgets would definitely fit into the ‘‘find of the year’’ category. Sure enough, the inflatables are being sold all over Harare.
Every time I see a woman with a well-endowed chest and well defined buttock, my mind is left wondering if these could be the inflatables or the real thing! And who can blame me?
The men also seem smitten by these ‘‘curvaceous women’’. I wonder how they will react when they realise that these are fake buttocks or breasts.
My worry then is, suppose a young man falls in love with a woman wearing these inflatables and they get marred. How will she explain the fraud?
After paying the lobola, surely, the young man would want to see what his cattle ‘‘bought’’.
Would the man be happy with the deception? Kuzowana iri mbongoro here veduwe iye abhadhara achinzi ihachi?
It is clear men prefer those of us who are gifted with the African heritage and women are getting so desperate to have ‘‘a bright future behind them’?
But surely, must we live on deception? Pretending our chests are well-endowed and we have a very bright future behind us when the opposite is true?
Mainini would rather go with her flat chest, head held high and a dull future behind her.
Till then, keep on rolling them to [email protected] <mailto:[email protected]>
