Mai Chisamba: What is marriage if there is no happiness?

MUDZIMBA with Mai Chisamba

What is marriage if there is no happiness?

Thank you so much for this column, I hope l find you well. I enjoyed your response on exposure a few weeks ago, asi ndipo pane nyaya yangu. This is my personal testimony. I am a very oppressed young woman and as a result I have become so confused, ndatozungaira. Chikoro ndakarova, ndikaroorwawo zvakanaka and we have two kids.

Mai Chisamba, my husband is a tyrant, anondidzvinyirira kupfuura zvaiitwa vanhu vatema nemabhunu. Zve exposure zvamaitaura ndikatiwo let’s go out anobva ati mukadzi wemunhu anoendawo kunogocha hazviite but iye every weekend ndokwaanenge ari.

Mazuva ano, as you may know, kunomboitwa ma women’s get-together eku church, kuma friends, etc, ini I rarely go because ndonzi no.

Ndikatendedzwa ndoverengerwa time ndozongoona kuti it’s not worth it, even kubasa kukaitwa party ndinobuda ndomhanya because he will be waiting for me outside akapfeka imwe face isingaite. I come from a very happy and humble family and was well brought up, zvemood, hasha ndakatozvionerawo muwanano.

I know kuti networking neexposure zvinobatsira kwazvo muupenyu asi aah ndatadza kunzwisisa. What pains me most is zvese zvaanondirambidza iye anozviita achingoda kuti ini nditi yes yes.

I want to enjoy my marriage, I want to be with my spouse when it matters most, I don’t want to be reduced to a housekeeper or just amai vanobereka vana chete. In short, murume wangu anoshusha nekuchengera although ndangotaura hangu zvelack of exposure.

RESPONSE

Thank you very much for using our platform. After reading your letter I was quite saddened because I don’t expect this from our young educated, civilised couples. Marriage is about true companionship, and it’s a lifetime commitment.

Every marriage should be built on trust otherwise it will crumble like a deck of cards. Murume kwaye haaende kunzvimbo kwaanonyara kuenda nemukadzi wake and vice versa.

Learning does not end, so how can one achieve this without networking? Kwese kwavanokurambidza kune zvinodzidzwa apa neapa. Kana vasingade zveruzhinji tangai semhuri kubvakacha nekuita quality time together. Ini dzimwe nguva ndinotadza kunzwisisa kuti vanhu vanoroorana kuti vazotsamwidzana nekushushana here, hazvina shumo izvi. Kumwe kuchengera kunoita kuti vamunodyidzana navo vaite wrong impression about you guys. Kudanana, kuremekedzana hakutengwe asi kwakakosha kupfuura upfumi.

If you can’t trust your spouse you are better off as a single person. As I always say communication plays a major part in each and every marriage so kutaurirana kwakanaka musinga tukane, kune pundutso.

Taurai navana chipanga mazano, vana tete kana vanambuya mubatsirwe. Kuwadzana hakusi kwekungoenda kumafaro ekunze chete, kana pamba penyu pazere mafaro, marongero enyu ndiwo anokosha. Good luck.

I will live to regret

Makadii Mai Chisamba. Rangu harisi dambudziko riri common, idaindakaziva haitungamirire. The girl I loved and still have feelings for is happily married to another man. I made a foolish move in my life and broke up with this girl for no apparent reason.

Of course this was when we were still dating. I know I broke her heart nekuti akachema akademba asi ndakamudadira I must say. In a nutshell I married a girl I thought would be the love of my life, but that’s the opposite.

Mai vekwangu vakachenama, vane huyanga, havanzwisisike. Ndinomboedza but hazviite. Chakundirwadza now ndakuziva kuti I should have never left my childhood sweetheart for this moody woman. Akaroorwa and zvinondirwadza. I see her almost every day, we stay in the same area, haachadi kana zvekutaura neni.

Ndikasangana naye anotoita kunge asingandizive. My heart bleeds each time I see her, she is pretty and presentable, munoziva here kanonzi kambama, Mai Chisamba, ndizvo zvaari. I dream about the old days, I see her in my sleep.

Ndoita seiko? Kana ndimiwo, hupenyu hwangu hwave hwekungoti if only, hameno, please help me nezano, ndoita kunge ndichamubvuta kani.

Don’t get me wrong, I am mentally sound, asiwo kuramba musikana akanaka uchinowira sezvandakaita haisiriyo inonzi mweya yetsvina kana yemadzinza inotevedza? I don’t know, I just don’t know.

RESPONSE

Thank you so much for writing in, I can feel that when you wrote this letter you were emotionally charged and you were on the verge of tears. I don’t want to rub salt on old wounds because you have already taken responsibility for your mistakes and blunders. Hongu kambama ndinokaziva kakafanana nekauri kuchemera aka.

I don’t want us to dwell on the past because it’s now water under the bridge. Mhinduro iyi hauide sekuratidza kwetsamba yako asi ngatibatsirane kuti ungaende mberi sei neupenyu because if we talk about kambama aka kwakukunyepudza.

Zvinorwadza chose kudokwairira chinhu chawakambobata kana kuti chaigona kuve chako. The only way forward is to work on your marriage. The woman you call moody is your official wife — period!

Taurai nema marriage counsellors kuti mungabatsirike sei especially ne attitude yaamai. Zvehuyanga nekusagona kuzvibata inyaya irinyore, kurudziranai kuti vaende kugrooming etiquette.

Nyaya yekubvuta mukadzi wemunhu imhosva, never think along those lines, hazvichagoneke inga mukoma Leonard Dembo vakaimba wani kuti “Pauri pane dandemutande ndokutora seiko?”

Please move on and forget about this woman, she now belongs to someone else, zvigashire ndapota. Kunyangwe ukasangana naye kungokwazisa opfuura.

I am not going to ask you any questions regarding kambama aka because I promised not to kunyange ndiri kunzwa kuda kuzviita handidi kukuchemedza. Ndino kushuvira rombo rakanaka nemudzimai wako. I hope rimwe zuva uchamurotawo. Good luck.

Is this normal?

Mai Chisamba how are you? Thank you very much for this platform. Mine is not a big problem but it’s something that has been bothering me now for some time. Maiguru vangu, my mother’s sister, vakauya kuno kuHarare vanosvikira kumba kwangu and never kwemwana wavo asi iye achigarawo muno.

Handina mhosva nehurongwa uhu but something at the back of my mind tells me kuti mwana wavo hazvinyatsomuitira. Haasati ambovhunza, anouya nemhuri yake kuzovaona, ivowo tinomboenda navo kana ari maweekends asi havarariko, havadi kugarako. Mai vangu vanoti there is nothing wrong about this.

Mukadzi wanguwo anongoita seni kungoremerwa nazvo. Would I be wrong if I asked why this is so? Please help, I don’t want to hurt her feelings. I get on so well with my cousin, mwana wavo so handidi kuti zviite sendisiri kuvada.

RESPONSE

Thank you very much for your letter. I agree with your mother, there is nothing wrong with this arrangement. The reason why you think this is abnormal is because muri kukura muchiona kusawirirana kwakadai mumhuri dzakakupoteredzai. Nguva yedu and the way we were brought up hapana kana nyaya. Kare vana mai vaingove ana mai and the same navana baba, izvi zvekuti maiguru, mainini, babamudiki and babamukuru zvaive zvishoma.

Kwavari uri mwana wavo zvakaperera, regai zvakadaro. Hapana ati ambozvibvunza saka iwe nemukadzi wako regai kupinza mweya usiriwo mumhuri. Vana mai venyu vese vapenyu uye vanoratidza kuwirirana. For now I suggest you let sleeping dogs lie unless you smell a rat.

It’s a good sign kana vaenzi vachiuya pamusha penyu zvinoratidza mufaro. Muongororo ihama shoma dzichiri kufambirana, ukaona pamba paine vanhu vazhinji vanenge vari vekuchechi.

Hukama humwe hwakunge mapolitical organizations kwatovewo nema faction mutsauko ndewe kuti vanenge vasina mauniform. Nemoyo wangu wese ndinoti you are doing well, keep it up.