The Sunday Mail
I have been married for 15 years and we are blessed with three children. We are both teachers.
My problem is my wife is always tired. Whatever she does, she does it so slowly and lackadaisically as if she is being forced.
If the maid is off the kids will retire for bed while she is still cooking. When eating she falls asleep in the middle of her meal like a baby. She is always sleeping in the sitting room, I change our sofas every year.
We cannot discuss anything important at home because she will be asleep. Our little child jumps on sofas but she will be too tired to caution him.
Mai Chisamba, I am now tired. I do not know what to do. Even when I want to have quality time with her she will be asleep. I am no longer enjoying quality time with my spouse as I should. I do not know what her problem is.
When I go to the shops with my workmates I buy bread and some drinks to take back home but at no point will she stand up and help me with the groceries. Is this still a marriage?
I am tired of this. What can I do?
My wife cannot discuss any financial issues with me especially concerning her pay like how much she is taking home after deductions, when is the next pay day and some suggestions on how to use the received money.
The responsibility of sending kids to school is solely mine. If at any point I ask her to assist the only answer I will get is I do not have the money.
If you keep pushing you will be told kuti ndakakanda mukando but surprisingly you will never be told that this month is my turn and this has been happening all along.
I have noted now with great disappointment that my wife is in debt with her bank, money lending institutions dzechimbadzo, software companies and the likes. I only came to know this after I accidentally came across her pay slip.
Can a married woman behave in this manner? I used to go to church with her and just the other day I received the shock of my life when it was time to give the gifts to the visiting pastor.
There was a list of congregants and what they contributed. We were called out Mr and Mrs So And So have pledged something, which was over US$150. All this was done behind my back.
Her mother or the in-laws will always call appreciating what she would have done for them like paying fees for her young brother. This is how at times I get to know of the contributions she makes back home.
I believe in dialogue and I have tried discussing these issues with her but there is no change. I engaged my relatives and her relatives but nothing changed. I also spoke to the pastor and the elders at church and even highlighted the issue of giving gifts behind my back but nothing has changed.
Since the pledge incident, I have not set foot in church. I am tired of this woman. I do not know why she continues to stay with me.
Would we not both be better off if she left to go enjoy her life? You are my last hope, please help.
You seem very worked up. First things first, I understand the concerns you have about your wife. Naturally, most people conclude that she is either lazy or slow.
A person who sleeps during meals and does the same when having quality time with hubby in my view needs medical attention.
It is in the family’s best interest to have her checked. It is very rare for a normal mum to behave that way.
You say you do not discuss your finances with your wife, why? Couples are supposed to have a combined budget; what stopped this in your marriage? Where are you losing it?
People should take pride in the upbringing of their children, this includes paying for fees and their general welfare. Your wife is obliged to be part of this. I do not understand what type of a teacher she is.
Fees are essential; after all that is how she earns her living and she does not prioritise this.
Your wife sounds like a stubborn partner, she enjoys controversy. She pays fees for her brother privately, joins mukando for personal benefits, she is in debt with her bank and involved in chimbadzo. Ndizvo zvinomukotsirisa achidya izvozvo, she is heavily burdened.
She makes contributions to the church without consulting her husband, this is wrong. As a person with a teaching background I feel sorry for the children she teaches because she lacks concentration.
If she does not service her debts the law will take its course.
What is she doing with all the money if she cannot do a thing in her own home?
I do not want to blame her family but the truth is mhuri yakanaka haitambire chinouya nerweseri from a married daughter/son.
Stick to the fight before you throw in the towel. I urge you to rope in a professional counsellor who will work with both of you.
She needs to be reminded about what marriage is all about.
You have been together for 15 years and you have invested so much time in this marriage.
The two of you should always make an effort to communicate positively.
Last but not least, please do not give up the church because of your wife. Kunamata idungamunhu, it is a personal affair. Remember to pray for your family and to keep me posted.
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