Mudzimba
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
Dear Amai, I hope I find you well. I am a 29-year-old single guy. I have a degree and I am gainfully employed.
I am a tenant in the ghetto and I have a two-roomed cottage to myself. It is a beautiful and decent place, but there are a few issues disturbing me. The property owners have a single 25-year-old daughter, whom they are trying to push on me. She comes to watch soccer with me uninvited. I asked her why and her response was that she was the only one who loved soccer in their family. The rest of them opt for other channels instead.
At times she asks me for a lift to work, yet her parents have a car. She often justifies this by saying they go to work too early. A few days ago, my girlfriend came to see me.
Unfortunately, she was not received well. The landlady later told me that girlfriends are not allowed on the premises because there was once a physical fight when a previous tenant’s two lovers showed up unexpectedly at the same time. I am hurt that I am not allowed to entertain my girlfriend in my own space. What should I do, Amai?
Response
Hello writer, thank you for reaching out to me. A big problem when people look for accommodation is that they settle on a verbal arrangement instead of a lease. If you had a lease and they broke it, then it would be a different story altogether. My assumption is you do not have a document that details what you can and cannot do, which is why they are coming up with new rules to arm-twist you.
Inasmuch as you are their tenant, your cottage, television set and car are personal property. No one has the right to impose themselves on you. I suggest you have a candid talk with your landlord about establishing boundaries.
It is within your right to ask for a lease if you do not have one. As for their daughter, I suggest you avoid this trap at all costs, otherwise you will end up in a loveless marriage. Lastly, if these talks do not go your way, please look for alternative accommodation. I would be happy to hear from you again.
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Is second time a charm?
Dear Amai, thank you very much for your column in The Sunday Mail; I follow it weekly. I am a single mother of a five-year-old boy. I had a nasty breakup with my ex when I was pregnant with my son. I loved him with all my heart and never suspected that he would treat me like trash as he did towards the end of our relationship.
He paid lobola for his wife before we parted ways. He sent me a picture of him and his new wife on the day of their traditional marriage with the caption “Happily ever after”.
This broke my heart and we never spoke again until a few months ago. He never asked to see the child or provide anything. I felt as though my world had come to a standstill, but my family was there for me all the time, and I thank God for that. I am gainfully employed and I have my own apartment.
Last year, just before Christmas, his wife sadly died in a car crash and left a daughter younger than my son. The point at issue is he is now down on his knees, stating that he wants us to get back together again.
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He has been pleading his case and I have repeatedly said no, but my inner heart is saying yes. My family and friends have completely written him off because of the way he treated me in the past. Please help me. I still love him, but I am ashamed of what the world would say.
Response
Greetings dear writer and thank you for supporting this platform. Your letter made my reading very sad. Your account plays out like a West African movie. The way this guy broke up with you was terrible. No wonder your family is upset. He should have at least asked about the welfare of the child. Your parents and friends are right to be unhappy.
The questions I have for you are: Do you genuinely love him after what you went through? Have you truly forgiven him? Do you want to go back to him because of the child or because you love him? Will you love and look after his daughter? If all your answers are yes, then the first port of call is a professional counsellor’s office. You will have to work hard to mend the broken hearts within your family. Please keep me posted.
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Loan sharks are after my hubby
Amai, how are you? I am a married woman and I have three children. My husband and I are both gainfully employed. My husband neither drinks nor smokes. However, most of his friends are after him for different types of unserviced loans that he took.
One is threatening to sue him. He does not contribute anything at home except to pay for DStv because he loves European football and cannot afford to miss any match. He has a good job, but we do not receive any proceeds. I do not know what to do. Some of his friends are from the same neighbourhood as ours and I feel ashamed when I bump into them.
Response
I am very well and thanks for inquiring. Your husband has a big problem. I do not know much about him but I suspect he could be addicted to some kind of betting. He must be careful because the loan sharks can get him arrested. Talk to him and encourage him to map a way forward.
As a couple, have a candid talk and give him a chance to tell you the whole truth. You do not want to get into a situation where you will be forced to sell your property or assets, which you worked hard to acquire, to pay off some of these loans. Did he sign off on any of these debts that are being talked about or they are merely verbal agreements? I would be happy to hear from you again.
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com
