The Sunday Mail
19 and confused
Dear amai, how are you? I am a 19-year-old woman and I do not know what to do regarding my love life. I was seeing a 21-year-old guy and we were really enjoying each other’s company. We decided to take a break from our relationship to focus on our studies.
After writing finals, we never reconciled. It has been months now and he says he wants me back. How best do you think I should go about it? To be honest I am confused. I do not even know if I am serious about this guy, or if he is the right one for me. Please assist.
Hello, I am very well thanks for asking. I think your case is straight forward. You are both young and still discovering what you want out of a relationship. The first flag for me was when you told me that you both agreed to go on a break.
A functional relationship does not go on break. Partners inform each in advance if they are busy.
They try to find ways to communicate and see each other when they are free. If you feel strongly about this guy, you should reconcile and see where it goes. The thing about being young and in love is that you learn more while you are going through it.
In Shona, we call it kutungana kwembudzi. It is harmless and often not meant to have lasting or dangerous consequences. Just be cautious and guard your future jealously. I wish you well and I hope when your results come out you will pass with flying colours.
Hubby is a yes man
I have a problem with my hubby. We have been married for 10 years and blessed with two kids. He is a yes man! He can never say no to people. As a result, our life is always back and forth.
He is so indecisive. He cannot stand his ground, be it at work or with his family. He does not have character. Recently, he said we should stop going to our church because his friend has lured him to join his church where there are many young couples.
He says the pastor there is always doing miracles. He does not take alcoholic beverages, but believe it or not, he can sit in a nightclub until the wee hours of the morning, accompanying his friends. I do not know what to do. I want out. I am fed up, please help.
I am sorry you are finding yourself in this position because your partner does not have a spine. Coming home late and chasing churches because pastors claim to be able to do miracles are known recipes for disaster.
Part of being a united front is bringing balance to whatever your partner lacks. In this case, it is being decisive. Before you call it quits, I want to ask if you have ever opened up to him like you have to me? The problem cannot be addressed if he is in denial or unaware of it.
Tell him you do not want to see him get taken advantage of and how decisions such as changing churches should be a family decision. I am not certain if he is a yes man all the time but what I am picking up on is that he tends to want to please everyone but himself.
You need to go to couple’s therapy. He needs to make decisions that please his spouse first, and are beneficial to his family before he goes out into the world. I think counselling may also help him become more assertive and not always seek to be a people pleaser.
Remind him that he will never truly stand for anything if he sides with everyone and every decision hurled his way. He has to become his own man. Help and develop your partner for the better. I think he is not past the point of redemption.
Is it too soon to move on?
Hello amai, I am a lady in her early 60s. My husband passed on some time back. I now want to move on. I have been seeing someone and he is ready for us to get married. My question is when is it too soon to move on?
My husband has been dead for years now. I am also wary of what my children and relatives will say if they deem I have moved on too soon. Please help, this is getting in the way of my happiness.
Hello dear writer. The issue at hand is that you want to move on which can be very hard considering your age. I am happy for you and I congratulate you for making an effort to move on.
Could the real reason you are hesitant to move on be because you have still not gotten over your late spouse? You need to ask yourself that question. As for your friends and family, if they are level minded individuals they will support you.
The normal grieving period culturally is around the year mark so it indeed will not be deemed too soon.
The only other issue associated with such cases is that relatives may be spiteful of you sharing wealth attained from your first marriage with your new partner, but pay them no mind.
Whatever you were left with is rightfully yours as you were the one in that union. Go for it and live your life. It shall be well do not let fear cripple you.
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