The Sunday Mail
Hubby does not want me to drive his car
AMAI, I hope you are keeping safe. I am a married woman and a mother to two teenage boys. We get on well with my husband when it comes to most things. However, when it concerns his car, he never budges. I have my own car, which is not as executive as his, and I do not mind. My disappointment stems from the fact that he will not let me drive his car even when it is an emergency.
When my car is down, he prefers to drop me off. On the other hand, he allows his brother to borrow the car. When he takes it, even his wife drives around in it, but my husband is not bothered by it. I got my licence when I was in college and have never been involved in an accident.
This has created a barrier between me and my brother-in-law’s family. Please help. We cannot continue like this.
Response
Hello writer and thanks for writing in. I am glad you get along great and only have one particular issue that causes friction. To be honest, some people are particular about their things, though in a marriage sharing is the norm. What is so special about this car?
I am not particularly pleased that there is now tension between you and your brother-in-law. In all fairness, he may not even be aware that you do not have rights to this car, so the person to deal with is your husband.
Inform him as you have told me how all of this makes you feel. Surely, if he can lend it to others, he can lend it to his wife. Hear what his reasons are for this strange behaviour.
At the end of the day, you must both remember that in a marriage every material possession belongs to both of you. I wish you the best of luck.
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I am not allowed to own a phone
I am a 25-year-old woman married to a very traditional husband. We are blessed with a one-year-old toddler and we are a happy couple. We have been together for three years now. We are part of a masowe sect and we believe in what we are doing spiritually.
Soon after we got married, a certain prophet told my husband that if we bought a cellphone that would be the end of our marriage. So many marital problems emanate from such gadgets. Amai, we need to move with the times. A cellphone is so convenient and a must-have gadget in each and every modern home.
It is embarrassing to always ask to use other people’s phones. How do I convince him without causing problems? He always says we get on well because we have no cellphones in our home. Please help.
Response
Your issue is simple and yet very delicate. You mention that you both believe in what you are doing spiritually and this has been the norm since you got married. It is now a case of going against the status quo.
You are right: Phones are so common these days. I bet the prophet who told your husband not to invest in phones for his family also has one.
Your husband may say he is doing it to fend off adultery, but in all fairness, adultery existed long before the introduction of cellphones.
It seems more like a trust issue to me. Try to convince him to change his mind.
Also, try to rope in this very same prophet as well as other members of the sect with phones into this discussion.
I think if you go about it diligently, you will get your way.
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My wife is abusive
Dear Amai, I am one of the few unlucky men who are bullied by their spouses. My wife is short-tempered and most arguments end up with me being physically assaulted. I confided in my friend and he laughed at me and called me names.
I wanted to walk out on her because I cannot take this anymore, but she caught up with me and beat me up. My parents and siblings have given up on me because I continue to stay with this wild wife. Please advise me on what can I do to free myself from this abuser.
Response
You would do well to acknowledge that there is a high number of men who are physically abused in this country. However, due to stigma and fear of ridicule, they do not often report.
In order to be the game-changer, you must report your wife to the authorities and get a protection order.
Once that is in place, you can go about the process of leaving her. Your friend is unsupportive.
You have a real problem that may result in you being seriously injured if you do not take action. When did these beatings start? Why does she always resort to violence? There may also be several underlying issues with your wife. She may need therapy. If there are children involved, think about them too and make sure they are well looked after during this transitory phase.
You are brave for speaking out and I will do my best to get you in touch with organisations that help men in similar situations. It shall be well.
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