The Sunday Mail
How are you Amai Chisamba? I am an 18-year-old guy and I am dating a girl of the same age. Recently we got into a disagreement over her childhood best friend named Munashe.
I asked her who was more important to her and she told me her friend since she has known him longer. She says he has been there to comfort her even during the times we get into fights. I am jealous of the whole issue and I have resorted to not talking to her. Please help.
Response
Thank you so much for writing in. You are both 18 and if you want to start dating you have to exercise patience, trust and self-discipline. In my view, you pushed your girl into a corner when you asked an odd question.
Her answer is clear that this person is like her sibling and has been there for her in different circumstances. She is not dating this person according to your letter, but banks on him as he has earned her trust.
There is no reason for you to be jealous. All you need to do is to take one step at a time in the right direction and prove your sincerity. You also need to appreciate that she does not live in a vacuum. She will continue to interact with other people who have nothing to do with you. Calm down! There is no need for you to be angry and upset. Did you want her to give you an answer that would make you happy, yet untrue? If you love each other, I suggest you apologise and move on. I wish you all the best.
It sounds too good to be true
I am a 45-year-old woman. I have never been married and I have no kids yet. Recently, I met a 56-year-old South Africa-based Zimbabwean divorcee on a dating site.
He divorced 11 years ago and has three adult children. Unlike many previous encounters with men who seemed to only be looking for a sexual liaison, this man sounds serious and ready to settle.
He said he is looking for a no-nonsense solid foundation relationship. We have been chatting online for a month now. He works, and I left my job a few years ago. He has now requested that I urgently visit him in South Africa so that we meet personally. I agreed as I feel that it is important for us to see if the chemistry we feel online is what we will have physically.
I wish to find out if this is a good idea. I am proposing that upon arrival, the first thing we do is to get an HIV test together. Is it also a good idea to ask him to send me his exact address of residence to give my family members?
He has given me permission to ask for any details as well as anything to facilitate the trip. I told him I can handle it the trip alone. However, an emergency passport is very expensive to obtain.
The one I had recently expired. Is it lady-like to ask him to chip in, and how? So far he has only told me the suburb he lives in.
What other details should I ask for? Also, how can I verify the authenticity of his divorce without sounding too doubtful or demanding, lest I push him away?
Response
The world has gone digital and many things can be done online including dating. In my view, this is like a gamble where one can win or lose dismally, so be warned.
Going to a foreign country on the basis of trusting some stranger who you have never met can be tricky. You find yourself asking some serious questions.
Does he truly live in South Africa? Is he divorced? He sounds serious but is he what you are looking for? The list of questions is endless. I for one do not believe in asking for money or gifts from a stranger. Let him take the first move.
He can come to your homeland then you make plans and start from there. Trust but not too much. I would be happy to hear from you again. I wish you all the best.
We don’t want to leave our homestead
Dear amai, thank you so much for The Sunday Mail column. I am a retired nurse and my husband is a retired teacher. We now live at our rural homestead that our four adult children and their spouses helped to make a modern home.
We love it there and we would never wish for anything more. We have our small projects that keep us busy.
I do chicken farming and baba has a greenhouse with a specialist gardener who helps him out. Last month our children told us that they would now take turns to host us because they no longer want us to stay away from them because of our age.
Baba is 68 and I am 66, but we are still up and about. We enjoy our rural life and are against their idea. How do we tell them without offending them? I hear our eldest son is building a self-contained cottage for the two of us but that is not what we want.
Response
Thank you so much for your letter. First, let me say congratulations on having such a wonderful family. A lot has changed and so many are not as blessed as you are.
Your children were well brought up and this reflects greatly on you and baba. They have the best for you at heart but you need to sit down and talk. You did not tell me about how good your health is, it may be the cause for concern.
The cottage you talked about is a good investment. When you go to visit, you could stay there as if you are on holiday. Tell them you love to keep busy and that is why you enjoy it more at the rural home. When the going gets tough, you will always ask them to assist, it is not a big deal. Be happy! There is nothing to worry about. It shall be well, enjoy your family.
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