The Sunday Mail
Mudzimba Dr Rebecca Chisamba
DEAR Amai, how are you? I am a 22-year-old single woman and I am currently studying for a degree. A very close relative abused me when I was a young girl. This person told me never to tell anyone and I complied.
To tell the truth Amai, I am still haunted by this and to make matters worse I still see this person at family functions. When I asked him back then why he did it, he said there was no need to worry since I did not fall pregnant. It hurts me now, more than it did when the offence was committed. It affects my concentration at school.
I have become generally withdrawn. Amai, what can I do about this? If I expose him now he may argue that I want to frame him. How will our family take it?
Response
I am very well and thanks for asking. I am sorry that you went through a traumatic experience at such a young age. It is time to break the silence. You are troubled because you never received counselling. Rape is a violent crime and your relative must face the full wrath of the law.
Confide in your parents and they will assist you in bringing this man to justice. Do not take the law into your own hands. If he did it to you, what is to say he will not or has not done it to others? Do not worry about what others have to say or the backlash from relatives.
If a crime is committed, someone has to be held accountable. There are also organisations that help women in similar predicaments that I will try to get you in touch with. If you act now the healing process may begin. I am sorry this dark cloud has followed you for so long.
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Family treats hubby like a runner
I am a married woman aged 36. My husband is also the same age. He is the last born in a family of six. His parents stay at their rural home and they are peasant farmers.
What upsets me the most is the lack of respect he receives from all his siblings. They treat him like their runner. Whoever wants something done calls upon him. He is the one who delivers things to their family home and runs their errands.
We run a small shop of our own, but he is hardly ever there to assist me. I spoke to him about this, but he told me that if he ever said no it would be taken as disrespect.
Amai, I do not understand this nonsense. We no longer have quality time with our kids. At first, I thought they paid him secretly or gave him some form of appreciation, but there is nothing. He is just Mr Nice Guy. What can I do to win back my man?
Response
Your issue is not unique to your husband’s particular family. It occurs a lot in some families. The truth is once your husband became married and had a family of his own, he had to put his foot down. He seems scared to tell them that he is overburdened.
Continue to work with him to build his courage. As they are all siblings, they must take turns assisting their families and running errands.
He does not even need to say it bluntly but he needs to start informing them more often that he has other pressing commitments and that everyone else should assist. That will get the message across.
Remind him what he is missing out on while all his other siblings have ample family time. If he does not stand for something, he will fall for anything. Continue to help him see the light. I hope he grows a spine soon or this may lead to an even greater strain on your family.
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Our office is unbearable
I am a middle-aged woman and I work for an NGO. We share an office and we are four in all. It is not the space that concerns me, but, the odour from one of the colleagues in this weather is unbearable.
We have tried to hint indirectly, but she does not get it. You can actually trace her whereabouts using her scent. The irony of it is she wears very heavy makeup and fancy hairstyles. We do not know what to do. Who will bell the cat?
She is a hot-tempered lady so nobody is willing to put their head on the chopping board. The fact is we cannot continue to work like this. Please Amai, how do we handle this?
Response
Hello and thanks for writing in. You have a tough issue on your hands. It is difficult to share a space with many people especially if one of them does not meet certain hygiene standards. Body odour may be a result of poor hygiene or an even more serious condition. I do not see why you have to deal with it among yourselves.
It sounds like an issue for human resources. Confide in them and they will do the rest. It may be a medical condition and they can get to the bottom of it. Of course, she may suspect you took the issue to HR but they will not disclose your name.
She will most likely make the necessary adjustments. She may lash out but in all honesty, I see no reason why. It has to be done in order to help her deal with this condition and to make sure the office stays fresh. Do your bit and monitor the situation closely. You cannot suffer in silence forever. You can even suggest to your co-workers that you should approach HR as the three of you.
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