Mudzimba
Dr Chisamba
DEAR Amai, I hope I find you well. I am a married woman in her mid-50s.
I am almost the same age as my husband. Our three children are all grown-up and doing well in their different fields.
When we retired, we relocated to our rural home, where we are engaged in commercial farming. We got on well with our neighbours.
Unfortunately, the husband of one of the neighbours passed away during the Covid-19 era. We were sympathetic and offered to help the widow from that time onwards.
The problem now is that my husband is more interested in running that home than his own. He makes sure the neighbour has water and firewood.
He supervises the general running of that homestead. When I ask for the same services at home, he calls me lazy and good for nothing.
Last week, I had to engage part-time workers while he was busy at the neighbour’s home. We have been fighting a lot over these issues, but it seems he is determined to carry on.
I am no longer as close to this woman as I used to be. Amai, could there be something brewing between these two because she now gets all the attention?
Should I confront her?
Response
Dear writer, thank you very much for reaching out to me. I am sorry about the passing away of your neighbour. There is nothing wrong with helping out, if it is done within reason.
This is something you both agreed to do. It should not pull you apart. In my view, your husband seems to have taken over the home and all duties of the departed. He now makes it seem wrong and suspicious. You have tried to talk about this but to no avail. I suggest you get professional counselling first. Approaching this woman now may be a miscalculated move.
You do not know whether she is asking for these favours or it is your husband who is imposing himself on her.
It seems he has lost direction in the process. Inasmuch as it is good to assist others, one should always remember that charity begins at home. I would be happy to get feedback from you. I wish you all the best.
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Siblings are gunning for me
I am a married man aged 40 and my wife is 37. We are blessed with two sons.
I have two male siblings, who are both younger than me. They are doing extremely well in life. I am struggling with my family and, in most cases, we fail to make ends meet. My siblings look down upon me because of my status.
I used to accept money and provisions they gave us for sustenance. I thought they were being kind to me, but one of the prophets at our church told me that my siblings were behind my suffering as they were the ones who cursed me.
Amai, my heart is broken because I did nothing to deserve this. I have cut ties with them and I no longer visit them, but they still try to lure me into believing they are genuine.
A fortnight ago, they sent a message that they wanted us to put our heads together and work on a project that would help me financially.
I consulted the same prophet and he advised me against doing anything with them because they want to use me. I cannot think straight. I need help. I am confused!
Response
I will give you my personal view as per your request, but I hope you will not be offended.
Your wound is self-inflicted. Prophecy is something we cannot discuss conclusively because nobody can guarantee something that is spiritual. We can only weigh in on matters that are objective and tangible.
I think your siblings truly love you. Why would they give you provisions and their hard-earned money if they did not care for you and your family, to begin with? Life is about working hard and believing in yourself. My advice is, do not miss out on a chance of uplifting yourself through this proposal.
Craft a project plan diligently. Love and respect your siblings. Remember, blood is thicker than water.
I am positive that if you work hard, there will be a change in your life. Grab the bull by its horns. I wish you all the best.
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I was played for a fool
Dear Amai, thank you very much for your column in The Sunday Mail. I follow it weekly.
I am a 22-year-old lady and I am a vendor. My ultimate goal is to set up a shop. I am currently in love with a guy who has been assisting me with a lot of things, in terms of business.
We talked about getting married at the end of this year. I went to introduce this guy to my Tete, but the questions she posed opened a can of worms, although my boyfriend tried to outwit her. Amai, I discovered that this guy is married and was actually cheating on his wife. I do not know what to do because he says he loves me more and he is in the process of breaking up with his wife. Should I believe him?
Response
Hello big fan. Thank you for following my column and for opening up to me. I will not go round in circles. Your case is straightforward.
But before I do that, let me commend you for working hard and for having a realistic long-term vision.
Keep on track and do not be distracted. As for your boyfriend, please, do not waste another second on him. He is a liar; he never mentioned that he was married. Had it not been for your clever tete, you would still be in the dark.
The end of the year is around the corner. If he is going to send his wife packing because of you, what guarantee do you have that the same will not be done to you in the future?
This is a huge red flag. Never reason with a married man.
He should respect his wife and family and not play games with other women. It is hard but it is something you can do. You have a good tete. She can help you go through this rough patch. I wish you all the best.
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