Hubby living with another woman

I am a young woman aged 22 and there is a guy who loves me so much. I at times think he is obsessed with me! He is aged 26 and has all the qualities a lady would want in a man.

However, the problem is I just do not have any feelings for him.

I have told him before that I do not have feelings for him and I do not wish to play with his heart, but he still finds it hard to accept.

He keeps telling me to give him a chance. Last year, he proposed to marry me but I declined, and he even asked me to look for a wedding venue. He keeps on pestering me. My question, Amai, is: Am I not going to regret letting go of someone who loves me this much?

Response

Love is a game of emotions and it comes from the heart. If you have no feelings for him, please do not waste his time for it will not last. Marriage is a lifetime commitment and the main ingredients are love, respect and commitment.

He says he wants to marry you, but surely how can a guy with five working senses propose marriage after being turned down when he wanted you to be his girlfriend? He wanted you to look for a wedding venue for who?

He has got it all wrong. The first port of call is getting into a stable relationship then it blossoms into marriage. I am glad you are standing firm and following your heart. If you do not love him please do away with him completely.

It seems you are encouraging him to stick around by showing that you are somewhat undecided. When you think of marriage, think love first because your last question shows that you are not even sure of what you are doing.

If you are sincere and true to yourself, there will be no second-guessing and no regrets. I would be happy to hear from you again.

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Hubby cheated on me

I am a woman who has been married for about 17 years now. I discovered my husband was having an affair with his ex-girlfriend. We had been seeing our church elder for counselling before I found out. I had already begun sensing something was not right.

My husband told his father about our church counselling sessions. My father-in-law phoned me and gave me a tongue-lashing.

He also declared that his son will not attend any more counselling sessions with me and that I should go alone if I so wish. I am hurt by my husband’s actions, but his father’s attack was something I never expected. We have four children together aged 16, 11, six and one.

How should I handle this situation? I always thought we were soulmates. I never expected this from him. This is eating me day and night.

Response

You have been married for 17 years and blessed with four beautiful kids. At face value this should be a model marriage but, alas, it is the exact opposite. Cheating on a spouse is the worst thing a partner can do, especially with an ex-flame, it is not easy to forgive. You had chosen the correct path by going for counselling, which helps you find a way forward. I think your husband needs to grow up.

There was no need whatsoever to tell his father about these sessions. My sixth sense tells me that he lied to his father, why else would he get furious? Your father-in-law has no right to attack you verbally or otherwise.

This is against the law and he can be brought to book for this if you decide to use the law. Your husband should assume responsibility for causing all this. He is actually the one on the wrong side. You need to respect your children and bring them up in a conducive environment. I think you still need counselling, but it appears your husband does not want your issues resolved by a church elder.

Sit down and choose the way you want this done urgently. Love triangles are not safe in the wake of STIs (sexually transmitted diseases). The fact that you go together for sessions shows hope. If you still have feelings for each other, put your house in order and work as spouses and parents. I wish you all the best.

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Husband living with another woman

I am a young lady aged 23 and going through a torrid time.

My husband is living with another woman while we are still legally married. I had a child recently and immediately after giving birth, he encouraged me to go and stay with his mainini, which I thought would be good since I was still recovering from surgery.

Little did I know that mainini was part of the wicked plan. I later found out through their chats that she approved of his decision. He did not visit me and the baby for three months until I decided to go back home. I got the shock of my life.

He claims he has now taken another wife and all is relatives are on board with it. What can I do to map a way forward?

Response

I am really sorry about what is going on in your life, especially since there is a child involved.

The writing on the wall is very bold; it does not take a rocket scientist to see that this guy does not love you at all.

The common problem with most people is that they think that when you have a child together, getting married is the next logical step.

 This is one of the reasons why we have a lot of loveless and difficult marriages.

Why did this guy send you away to stay with his aunt?

He had already made up his mind. For three months he never visited you, contacted you or sent money for the upkeep of the child: this alone tells a story about the state of your relationship.

You went to see what was going on at his home and you found another woman staying with him. What went through your mind? You are 23 and full of potential. You can do better. Love triangles are too risky as I always say. I urge you to go to court and claim for child support and leave this reckless guy alone.

I feel sorry for his aunt who is being used to cover up for this guy. You are better alone than with such a womaniser. I urge you to move on and do what is best for you and your child. Pray for your situation, God will grant you your heart’s desires.

 

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