The Sunday Mail
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
When my sister died she left a very young daughter and we immediately took over the responsibility of looking after her. When she turned 20, we took her into our house and stayed with her as our own child. The reason that prompted me to fetch her from our rural home was to help care for my new born baby.
I was grateful to my husband because we jointly put this girl through school. She did her O-Level and passed. But I feel let down by my husband. We stay in a rented house that has two wings and we use one. My husband is a shift worker so at times he is home when I am at work.
On one occasion my mother visited and we all went to church except for my hubby because he had worked all night. My mother felt ill and decided to go back home only to find my husband in bed with our neighbour’s maid in the spare bedroom. She never told me. Instead she told my husband’s muzukuru about this issue.
As we stayed with my sister’s daughter I often wondered why my husband would stay and watch TV with this girl until late. I was uncomfortable with the way they related with one another. One day I noticed my man was not in bed well after midnight and I decided to go and check.
I think I disturbed them with the sound of the doors because when I entered the kitchen I found them both standing in the dark. I asked why and they said “tangosangana muno”. And why was the light off? I talked to a church elder who in turn spoke to my niece and she confessed that they slept together and this had been going on for some time. I am heartbroken.
My husband has moved out and is staying with his uncle in the same town of Kwekwe. He never apologised or even spoke to me about this. After I sent the girl back home I learnt about him and our neighbour’s maid. I still love him but I am so confused and hurt. I want him back how do I go about this? No one from his side has come kuzogadzirisa nyaya iyi.
Response
Thank you for looking after your niece long after your sister passed on. Your issue is very confusing as you rightfully say. The adage a stitch in time saves nine should have been applied when your mum found your husband in bed with the neighbour’s maid.
She thought she was protecting your marriage but instead she was doing the opposite. He is a dangerous man, taking advantage of vulnerable girls. Anoraura mudish. Perhaps the maid was just doing it because she had been promised something. Please check her age, if she is a minor he must be brought to book.
Bedding your wife’s niece is one of the worst things a father can do; mwana wasisi wako mwana chaiye kuna baba ava. I do not understand why you did not stop this girl from watching TV with baba until very late. You should take the blame for this. You acted irresponsibly and now you want to fix the stable door after the horse has bolted.
You were suspicious about the whole relationship but you kept quiet, why? Your husband should be ashamed because it is disgraceful to take advantage of an orphan instead of looking after her. This will affect this girl later in life. Now that the girl is back home, what next?
Love is stubborn. I see you still love him and you want him back despite all this drama. The choice is entirely yours. He moved out to go and stay with his uncle. Pachivanhu chedu vaifanirwa kuzobvunzawo kuti chii? I will repeat that love triangles are both dirty and risky in the wake of HIV and Aids and other STIs.
I suggest you engage a professional counsellor to discuss issues of trust, respect and reconciliation. You also need to talk to your niece because she remains part of your family, ropa harigezwe. This is not going to be easy. You need to pray. You also have to be sure if your husband truly loves you because his behaviour leaves a lot to be desired. I wish you all the best.
