The Sunday Mail
Mudzimba
Dr Chisamba
DEAR Amai, I hope I find you well. I am 28 years old and still single. I get along with a married colleague, who is a father of two. I call him brother because we come from the same rural area and we share the same totem. I reside in a very quiet neighbourhood, so he normally asks for my space to use for his studies because there are no kids. We got so close that I ended up giving him my spare keys.
He would just check with me, then go home if the apartment was free. Last week, I was shocked when a neighbour called me, saying people were fighting inside my house.
When I went back, I was shocked to discover that my home had been turned into a brothel.
The incident started when his wife followed him there after a tip-off and found him entertaining another woman. My television and fridge were damaged during the scuffle. Although he is going to replace these items, he has dented my reputation, and his wife now thinks I allowed him to misbehave in my house.
I respect his wife and family. How can I make her believe I am innocent in all this?
Response
Thank you so much for writing in. I am sorry about how you were let down by your so-called brother. In life, they say trust, but not too much. In my view, I think you went beyond considering that this is someone you met at work. Giving him the spare keys to your home was a recipe for disaster. I am surprised that you never checked on him, not even once. His wife followed him after a tip-off, so it means some people knew what he was up to.
I am aware that other relations are at times stronger than family ties and a lapse of judgement can occur. Go and talk to his wife, and tell her the truth about the arrangement that was between you and her husband. Apologise sincerely. It was a learning curve for you. Never do anything like that again. I wish you all the best.
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Hubby is meddlesome
I am a married woman and a mother of two beautiful girls. My spouse and I are both gainfully employed. Generally, we get on well, but there is one sticking point in our home.
When it comes to giving instructions to house helpers, he is very meddlesome.
At times, he indirectly speaks to me through the helper. We have had different helpers and he does the same to each of them. When I try to give instructions, I usually get answers like “Dad has already spoken on the matter”. We clash a lot over this because, at times, we say things that are very different and the workers can see it.
Currently, we have an unmarried helper who is about 25 years old. Last week, he reprimanded her under my watch and told her she was “a very dirty woman”. He added insult to injury by telling the helper that her lack of hygiene is going to be the reason she will not be able to keep a man. Amai, this was very hurtful and I felt it was meant for me.
My parents reside in the same town. I was thinking of taking the kids and the helper to my parents’ place so that they stay there and only come during holidays and weekends. I am just confused, Amai. Please help. How do I solve this issue?
Response
From your communication, I can sense that there is no division of duties between you and your husband. Each marriage is unique and you operate in the way that best suits you. Why do you not sit and talk about this? You must decide on who must supervise the house helper.
In most homes, it is the wife who works and monitors what the maid does, but this is not a standing rule. The danger is, if you keep clashing and confusing your helpers, they will end up leaving because they are human, too. Your hubby should also know the limits when he speaks to the helper.
There is no need for him to go personal. It is not a good thing to keep getting new people, especially when you have young kids around, because those changes affect them negatively, too. I do not see the need for you to take your kids to your parents’ home for something that you can easily solve.
It is time to raise your kids the way you deem fit, as a couple. Of course, they can go to their grandparents when there is need. A candid talk with your spouse will do the trick.
I would be happy to hear from you again.
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In need of lobola money
I am a 24-year-old man and I have been going out with a girl of my age for two years. I had promised to pay lobola early April this year. However, I bought a small car with the money I had put aside, in a bid to use it to generate more cash. I am using the vehicle as a taxi, but I have realised nothing because it is always breaking down and the spares are very expensive.
Also, the cat-and-mouse games with the police on the roads do not make it any better.
My girlfriend is threatening to break up with me if I cancel the lobola date. I spoke to my father and siblings but no one is ready to help. Amai, I am desperate. I do not want to lose this girl. If you have anything, please assist me and I will pay back.
Response
I would suggest that you postpone or cancel your lobola date and do it when you are ready. I think you need to grow up because your decisions show gross immaturity. How dare you buy a car with money earmarked for a marquee event that you helped set the date for? Look at the outcome now!
You tried to borrow money from family members without success. Respectfully, I think your luck will be no different by trying strangers such as me. You cannot start your married life with loans that you have no capacity to service. It does not work like that. Let people know about your plans in advance so that no one is inconvenienced. I wish you all the best.
Feedback: [email protected]; 0771415474.
