Dear Amai, I am a 26-year-old guy, and I was planning to get married to the love of my life soon.
I do menial jobs and my partner is a househelp. We had promised to get married traditionally in September this year. I chose my mother’s brother (sekuru) to be the go-between (munyai).
I also asked him to keep the lobola funds that were to be used on the day. My father advised me to give sekuru the money for safekeeping so that I would not be tempted to spend it before the day.
I gave him a total of US$2 000. My parents were present when I did this. He claims on his way to his house, the very same night, he was robbed of all the money. I am heartbroken!
I do not know what to do after working hard to raise that amount.
I wanted to make it a police case, but my mother said we could not do that to a relative as he was also beaten up.
I do not know whether to believe his story or not. He has so far bought a new bicycle and a tracksuit.
Where is he getting the money from, Amai? What should I do?
Response
Dear writer, your letter made my reading very sad. I know how hard it is to save money.
I am very sorry it was stolen. I also understand how your mum feels about reporting sekuru to the police as a suspect. However, law enforcers will investigate thoroughly regardless of the circumstances and reach a conclusion.
You are a major and you have to make your own decisions at times. This was a very sad learning curve.
Large amounts of money should never be kept in homes or given to individuals for safekeeping. You should have kept your money in the bank until the very last stages or even handed it to him on the way to your prospective in-laws’ home.
I cannot say sekuru is innocent unless the law determines he is.
You will always live in doubt as long as this is not fully investigated.
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Neighbour stirring up drama
I am a 28-year-old woman. My husband and I are gainfully employed. We have a child who attends a local early childhood development centre. Our elderly househelp is both smart and knowledgeable.
I delegated her to do the school run because there is a major road that the kids must cross to get to the learning facility, which is very close.
My neighbour asked my househelp to also do likewise for her son daily without consulting me.
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Last week, when I came back from work, my neighbour confronted my worker about her son’s missing hat. She gave her an ultimatum that she should either find the hat or give her some money to buy another one. I did not want to be involved in this matter, so I simply instructed her to stop assisting the neighbour’s kid when it comes to the school run. People in our area now believe I am hard-hearted; I heard this through another neighbour. You know how gossip moves in the ghetto. What should I do, Amai?
Response
Hello and thank you very much for writing to me. I assume when you decided to employ an elderly househelp it was, in part, out of the belief that she would have discerning judgement.
To be honest, the issue emanated from your helper’s arrangement with the neighbour and you were dragged into it by extension. I do not understand why these two did not consult you beforehand. It was extremely disrespectful.
Your neighbour should have asked for permission to get this service from your househelp. She took a lot for granted. Anything can happen to the child whilst in her care. Who then would be answerable?
To cut a long story short, I think you need to address this as soon as possible, otherwise it will cost you more than you bargained for. I suggest you sit down with your neighbour, househelp and husband.
Tell the neighbour to make independent arrangements for her child’s school run. It is not fair to demand payment for a hat from someone who has been helping for free. She must check with the school’s lost and found section; she may be surprised to find it there. Please keep me posted.
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How do I keep the family intact?
Dear Amai, I hope you are well. I am a 39-year-old woman and I am married to a man of the same age. We are blessed with two beautiful daughters.
My father got on very well with my husband. They did a lot of things together; they had an enviable father-son relationship. However, at the end of June this year, my husband came home very upset. I do not know what went wrong. I asked him and he said it was my father who had caused it, but he was not ready to talk about it.
We live in the same neighbourhood and dad has stopped coming to our house. He no longer phones unless I do. Since that day, my hubby has been drinking and swearing a lot. I am torn apart. These two men are very important in my life. I cannot take a side. How do I break the ice? I do not even know what happened.
Response
I am very well and thanks for asking. My guess is as good as yours. I wonder what could have broken such a strong bond.
I hope it has nothing to do with finances because this is the most common relationship wrecker. Your hubby said he was not ready to talk yet, but hinted that it was your father behind his frustration.
Armed with this knowledge, I suggest that you make an appointment to go and see your father and ask him in confidence what happened. I think he will open up to you and this will help you to figure out how best to make things right. After speaking to your father, do not push your husband into discussion. Wait until he is ready to talk. It is not going to be easy but you have to help him get through it.
Feedback: beckychisamba@ gmail.com; 0771415474.
