The Sunday Mail
Women & Leadership
Maggie Mzumara
ONE of the characteristic dispositions that impact upon women as leaders as they execute their leadership mandates alongside male counterparts is the differences in the manner in which females and males speak.
Research indicates that because women and men socialise differently they consequently exhibit diverse styles of speaking.
The sexes speak virtually different languages, say researchers.
There is definite She-Speak, just as there is distinct He-Speak.
While there may be some exceptions to this, typically this distinction prevails.
A deeper awareness of how differently men and women communicate is necessary in order to prevent these gender differences from leading to resentment, decreased productivity and workplace stress.
One researcher, Deborah Tannen, called it “report talk” versus “rapport talk”. According to her, men speak “report talk” while women use “rapport talk”.
Rapport talk is indirect style containing the following features: use of qualifiers; succinct style; apologising; taking blame; thanks; maintaining an appearance of equality; downplaying qualifications; considering the other person and relationship; and downplaying authority.
While, on the other hand, report talk includes the following features: direct requests; longer talk at meetings; ritual fighting; teasing; banter; giving advice to solve problems rather than showing support; mixing business and non-business talk; rarely giving praise or compliments; avoiding the one-down position; and downplaying doubts.
According to Tannen, men engage in report talk, which is primarily characterised by “focus on content”.
Men talk about affairs that are public matters, such as sports or politics.
“During report talk, men demonstrate their knowledge about a subject and will give general information about the topic,” Tannen posits.
“Rapport talk, on the other hand,” she adds, “is designed to establish relationships and make people in relationships feel closer to each other. Women are engaged in this kind of talk more often than men. Rapport talk deals with more intimate matters than report talk, hence includes topics such as family and marital relationships.”
The male communication pattern and traits tend to be honest, direct, and factual.
It is considered “report” type talk.
Correspondingly, the communication behaviours men tend to display are as follows: reason; logic; power; rank; status; compete; winning; team and think.
Men view conversation as a means to exchange information and problem-solve.
Men stay away from personal topics and discuss events, sports, news, and facts. They tell more stories and jokes than women as a way to show status and power. Men are direct, blunt, and speech includes slang or swear words.
Men get straight to work on a task and build relationships while working on the project.
They reflect and process information for decision-making internally.
On the other hand, women avoid using aggressive and threatening language irrespective of their position.
They exhibit their subordinate status by being polite and soft-spoken and demonstrate their authority in the same way, but with a little bit of discipline and straight face.
In both cases, they avoid direct and threatening communication.
Women want to be with their families, help others, feel respected and cared about, be a part of a community, be proud of the company they work for and be trusted.
All of this reflects their need for connection and relationship.
Women talk to build rapport and make connections.
They discuss personal topics like relationships, feelings and past experiences.
Additionally, women take turns communicating.
Women tend to be indirect, tactful, and use more courtesy words.
Another very distinguishing factor is that while men tend to build relationships as they work, women accomplish tasks by building relationships first.
The female communication pattern and traits tend to be nurturing, indirect and respectful.
The communication behaviours women tend to possess are as follows: feeling; empathy; harmony; closeness; relationships; sharing; co-operation; group; and intuitive.
Other researchers have added that men use an instrumental style of communication. This involves focusing on identifying goals and finding a solution.
Women communicate in an expressive style.
This expressive style involves emotions and having a perspective of being sensitive to how others feel.
While the male-speak is more dominant and bolder and therefore more associated with leadership, contemporary leadership is showing that women’s strengths in areas such as relationship-building stand them in very good stead in leadership demands.
Whether men in particular or society in general like it or not, they have to accept, once and for all, that women are marching up the corporate ladder confidently and with full speed ahead, gaining traction by leveraging on their own distinct feminine styles and inclinations.
Maggie Mzumara is a media, communication and leadership consultant. She is a strong advocate of women’s leadership and is founder of the Success in Stiletto (SiS) Seminar Series, a leadership development platform for women. She is also a diversity trainer and unconscious bias trainer. She can be reached on [email protected] or follow on Twitter @magsmzumara.
