The Sunday Mail
IN typical African societies, traditional norms and values of communality, as defined by the spirit of Ubuntu (or humanity), usually provided the glue or mortar needed to durably build viable communities.
However, within villages and families in these communities, relationships were, and are, often intricate and complicated, as human beings, who make up the building blocks of societies, are peculiar and often have character traits that are unique, quaint or idiosyncratic.
And, in some cases, people who believe in universal conventions often find these character traits to be gratingly intolerable, especially if they are exhibited by those who are supposed to be regarded and addressed with deference, for example, the in-laws.
With time, the bottled-up irritation can evolve into contempt or even hatred, leading to uneasy relationships.
In the village, back in the day, there was this relative that Bishop Lazi could not stand.
One could tell that his parents had not taught him anything about hygiene.
His unsanitary self was usually revealed in all its glory whenever he had a flu or a cold, which seemed to be always.
During times he felt his nose was uncomfortably stuffed, he would unclog it by pinching his nose bridge at an angle and tilting his head a bit in order to shoot the messy projectile from the nose.
Of course, it did not all come out.
There were those stubborn slimy strands that remained dangling from his nose, which he would gladly wipe off with his palm, after which he would rub his hands together in a circular motion to dissipate the remaining mucus into nothingness.
It would have helped if he was not so handsy around people. Urgh!
This was not all.
While “normal” village folk would roll their tobacco into a cigarette to smoke, this chap actually shovelled snuff between his gums and lips to savour it.
After it was spent, he would nonchalantly spit it out anywhere and everywhere.
He also had this disgusting habit of clearing his throat by coughing up and spitting gobs of yellowish phlegm without a care in the world.
It was gross, and the Bishop loathed him for that.
Such people were only part of a potpourri of characters that included rumour mongers, backbiters, wife/husband snatchers and useless sloths, among others, whom villagers loved to hate.
According to the dictates of our culture, it was difficult – impossible even – to admonish them if they were part of the respectable caste of the family, village or community by virtue of age, relations or station in life.
But realising that bottling up feelings and contempt was unhealthy, our society was, and is, wired to allow the aggrieved to even publicly vent out their anger or frustrations.
They called it bembera (in Shona), where one could rebuke, scold and chastise someone through a veiled sermon.
There was, however, a caveat to these public admonishments: One was not allowed to mention the targeted person by name.
It allowed the aggrieved to blow off steam and the target to get the message loud and clear. Some folks, of course, took it too far by putting their message across through loaded and coded messages in the names they gave their dogs or kids, and this was common in polygamous families.
Simmering conflict
Nowadays — social media platforms, especially WhatsApp —have come in handy, as statuses are increasingly being used as message boards or beachheads to launch scathing attacks, admonishments and threats.
But those who consider themselves to be elite use Twitter. This might have escaped you, but there was a simmering conflict in the opposition CCC camp last week, after High Court judge Justice Never Katiyo ruled against an application lodged in October by CCC Member of Parliament Allan Makharm to force the Zimbabwe Electoral Commission (ZEC) to give him an electronic copy of the voters’ roll. The court agreed with ZEC’s submission that the electronic voters’ roll could be potentially manipulated to “brew disaster” for the country’s electoral processes.
“The law gives ZEC control over the voters’ roll. This was done with a purpose in mind that in this time, with social media, can brew disaster, hence mandating ZEC to ensure the electronic voters’ roll is secure.
“In the final analysis, this court finds that this case lacks merit, is prematurely before the courts and that ZEC should make sure that it protects the voters’ roll taking into consideration the Cyber Protection Act . . . ,” reasoned the judge.
Of course, the learned judge’s observations are not without precedent.
In the just-ended Nigerian elections, some crafty social media users manipulated the Excel spreadsheet of the results to give the impression that the Independent National Electoral Commission was fudging the numbers to rig the elections in favour of their purportedly preferred candidate, Asiwaju Bola Ahmed Tinubu, who is now the president-elect. Imagine our electronic voters’ roll in the hands of that Western-sponsored shadowy group, Pachedu, which has already declared a jihad against ZEC. They will be telling you that Bishop Lazi is a ghost, but ghosts do not think, write and tweet.
Well, incensed by Tuesday’s High Court ruling, CCC leader Nelson Chamisa took to Twitter the following day to vent his frustrations.
“Disputed elections are bad for our country. It’s impossible to have a credible & acceptable election without a credible & audited voters’ roll. Why keep public records secret? Why personalise and privatise pubic information (sic) & institutions? Let’s #fixthis now!” he tweeted at 7.26am after his morning prayers. Kikikiki.
Probably riled by Chamisa’s proclivity to interminably raise complaints on the eve of the elections after squandering the past five years doing nothing about it, his ally, Hopewell Chin’ono, the so-called investigative journalist, shot back with what he thought was a warning to the young politician.
“I was insulted for saying the legitimacy strategy wouldn’t work. Once Mnangagwa was recognised by the international community, that was end of story. I suggested fighting for reforms, more insults came. I don’t want to say I told you saw, but we are reaping what we sow! Reforms,” he tweeted at 8.29am.
Seeing it as an attack on his leader, Chalton Hwende, who is desperately trying to curry favour from Chamisa after being suspected of being one of the senior party members who are apparently disillusioned by his leadership style and strategy, issued a veiled response meant for Chin’ono.
“The Electoral Reform Agenda is now before Parliament and the Electoral Amendment Bill is on the second reading stage. We have managed for the first to have our reform issues on the order paper meaning that they will be debated and voted for in Parliament,” Hwende posted on the micro-blogging site at 9.45am.
True to his nature, he was decorously polite in his reaction. The same cannot be said of Takudzwa Ngadziore, a young, immature Chamisa loyalist who likes to consider himself militant. With unguarded youthful exuberance, he went after Chin’ono bare-knuckled.
“The so called ‘twitter demigods’ can unknowingly/knowingly be the perpetrators of voter apathy. While it is good to point out at the irregularities of ZEC.The message should be packaged in a way that doesn’t take away the interest and hope of the Citizens. Messaging is very important,” he tweeted at 9.49am.
This mini-Twitter storm, through which CCC’s apparatchiks were shooting across each other’s bows, shows the extent of the divisions plaguing the inchoate political formation, if it can be called a formation at all.
Rancour
In Luke 11 verse 17, Jesus warns: “Any kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and a house divided against itself will fall.”
Well, in Chamisa’s formless political thingy — which does not have headquarters, a constitution, structures or policies to sell — anyone can shout anything from the terraces as advice or strategy, which often leads to confusion and simmering internecine conflict.
But if you think that his political formation is creaking, wait until they begin their so-called candidate-selection process for those who will represent the party in the forthcoming elections. We are told the representatives will be chosen by consensus by the people. Really? Kikikiki.
Maybe they have not heard of the chaos that usually erupts even when the leaders of burial societies and churches are chosen.
Even the Pope — Saint Peter’s successor — is elected by the College of Cardinals at a conclave convened in Rome.
And this is why the ruling party, ZANU PF, which the West ironically tries to cast as autocratic, will be having its primary elections this week.
Get this from Bishop Lazarus: The mess and rancour that will be inexorably created by CCC’s internal processes is likely to spill into this year’s elections, which is ominous.
Chamisa’s disillusioned lieutenants, most of whom are eerily and uncharacteristically quiet, can see and smell this from a mile away.
This is also why most of their senior members are jumping ship and joining ZANU PF.
Nothing could have been jarring or damaging to Chamisa’s campaign than the Twitter thread by publisher Trevor Ncube on Friday.
In one of the posts, Ncube says some in the young politician’s inner circle feel he is psychotically delusional.
“These people are frightened by the dreams that Nelson shares of him hearing from God. Dreams of him being told he will be at State House until old age. Most fervent Christians hear from God but there is always purity to what God says to us,” tweeted a seemingly concerned Ncube.
Kikikiki.
You might have not taken the Bishop seriously when he told you some time back that before the 2013 elections, Chamisa, who was the opposition’s organising secretary then, told then-presidential aspirant Morgan Tsvangirai to tap the breaks on his campaign as God had already revealed to him that he would win the elections hands down and occupy State House.
On the contrary, Tsvangirai got a deserved shellacking.
For now, Chamisa and his cohorts’ strategy is to hope many youths register to vote. It is premised on the misbegotten assumption they invariably support CCC.
They should have seen the youthful teeming multitudes that greeted ED in ZANU PF’s stronghold in Marange.
Does the CCC think they don’t also register to vote? Well, those who ignore these glaring signs will be led off a cliff again.
Bishop out!
