Does my husband really love me?

Parents ill-treating me

I am a guy aged 18 and I am writing to you because my parents are not treating me well. I wrote my Advanced Level (exams) recently and I managed to get seven points. I was doing Sciences and to be honest I struggled throughout. I have a passion for politics and law but my parents coerced me into taking science subjects. They wanted me to pursue a medical profession. I stood up to my dad and told him I would rather do law than medicine.

This was a tall order for me because my dad is very fierce. They now resent me.

I am being punished indirectly. I am bombarded with all house chores like cooking and doing my father’s laundry. I can no longer talk or joke with my parents. My father uses the kid from next door as a prime example of a good child. He is brighter than me and doing Sciences. I do not know how to go about this. I am not happy and I feel pressured. Please help.

Response

You tried your level best and you got a modest result. I think your parents do not know the importance of career guidance. While it is increasingly important to secure jobs in the science field, one must always follow their passion. Try and lure them to go with you to a career guidance session. At some schools it is offered free of charge. Career guidance helps students find the right profession.

This is achieved by placing you in a field that matches your academic strengths. It is clear to me that you do not want to become a doctor. I wish parents would stop pressuring children to do what they are not passionate about. Comparing you to someone else is mean. We are all different. I am not sure about the house chores. Do you have a maid?

How old are your other siblings, if you have any? It may seem like bombardment and yet you are the only one of a particular age and with the time to execute the said duties. As of now, let me try and assist you and your family to get career guidance so everyone ends up happy. I think your father’s pride is still wounded from you standing up to him. All these matters can be resolved amicably. Rope in other family members you trust to help sway your parents. Follow your passion and never compromise when it comes to your dreams. It shall be well.

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Does my husband really love me?

I am a 20-year-old woman and I am in a troubled relationship. My husband is hard to deal with. We have children together. He cheated on me when our eldest child was only two.

He even has children with some of these girlfriends. He abuses me verbally and days prior to payday he beats up the children for no reason. He does not pay school fees on time and I am just tired of being in a dysfunctional relationship. I am often left wondering if he really loves me.

Response

Let me start of by stating that marriage is about true love, respect, commitment and companionship. If all these essential qualities are missing, then this man does not really love you.  Being abusive, womanising and having your partner question your commitment is no laughing matter.

I cannot tell you what to do, but I usually advise couples to go through counselling and family structures before they call it quits. In this case, the process needs to be streamlined.

There are children involved and these multiple-partner relationships are not healthy. Protect yourself and the kids.

You deserve to live in a good environment. If he refuses to reform, start afresh with your kids and claim child support. You are very young and I do not see you keen on putting up with this for the rest of your life.

I am also concerned about how the two of you came to be together. Was there ever a spark?

I wish you would have studied him better before all of this. You could have avoided a lot of things. For now let us focus on the present and plot a way forward. I would be happy to hear from you again. I wish you all the best.

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I do not want my relationship to end

I am a 28-year-old man and I am dating a 20-year-old woman. Things are going great and to be honest I can see myself spending the rest of my life with her.

The issue bothering me though is I have not been honest with my girl. I got a job and I will be going to Dubai in July. I do not want to disclose this because I may lose her. Days are flying and I may have to tell her eventually. I will be in Dubai for two years.

I am thinking of getting her pregnant ndobvisa tsvakirai kuno. My brothers can do the running around and finish lobola in my absence and she may even join me abroad. What do you think? She is really great and losing her would really devastate me.

Response

Ndinofara chaizvo! Your letter left me shell-shocked. We do not retain relationships by using devious means. You say you love this girl but love has nothing to do with trickery.

Do not intentionally get this girl pregnant because you fear losing her. That is not the way to go. You are digging a hole for yourself.

Start by telling her the news of your imminent departure. Express how it pains you to be leaving her but explain it is because you want a better life for yourself and her.

Tell her why you were scared of telling her. The truth is long-distance relationships are not easy and you shall be tried and tested. But if both parties are committed to them, they flourish at times. Stop being selfish and start making decisions that protect both your hearts, not just yours. You are 28, you need to act mature and lead the way.

To my fellow young readers out there, I urge you to try and be honest at all times. There is a reason why they say honesty is the best policy.

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