Mudzimba
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
Dear Amai, I hope I find you well. I have been married for 14 years and I am blessed with two kids.
My husband and I are both civil servants and we work at different locations. My husband has a condition and I do not know what the cause could be.
He speaks in his sleep every now and then. What worries me most is he constantly mentions the name Veronica. I asked him and he said does not understand it either and he does not know anyone by that name. I told his parents hoping that they would remember or know anyone by that name.
What they did behind our back has caused more problems. They consulted a self-proclaimed witch doctor who gave them some kind of feedback.
They do not know what to believe and we are now living in fear. I cannot disclose some of the information in a national publication. What is your take on all this?
Response
I am very well and thank you so much for reaching out to me.
There was no harm in seeking a second opinion and asking his parents. What I do not understand is why your in-laws then went to consult a witch doctor behind your back. I am sorry about the anxiety this is causing.
It seems like you are brewing a storm in a teacup. Is there really any critical discomfort or misfortune this condition has brought on you and your family practically speaking?
The fact that he keeps reciting the same name is oddly suspicious; encourage him to open up. As much as I have respect for what you believe in,
I would suggest that in addition you consult a medical doctor or sleep therapist to help diagnose this particular condition.
It is common for some people to speak in their sleep and not remember what they said unless they are told by someone afterwards. I wish you all the best.
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Unbothered spouse is driving me mad
Dear Amai, thank you so much for your Sunday Mail column. I read it religiously. I am 30-years-old and I have been married for a decade. My husband has a very strong rural background. I was born and bred in an urban setup and we are blessed with three beautiful children. We are both gainfully employed but my husband is laid back.
Since we got married, I go out of my way to get him a birthday present or take him out on his birthday. He has never given me anything on my birthday.
When I ask him why, he becomes cold and distant. He thinks it is nothing to write home about and I take offence. I asked him to upgrade my now discoloured wedding ring and he laughed it off saying I give myself unnecessary pressure. How do I groom such a backward spouse?
Response
Hello writer and thank you for your unwavering support of this platform. I am of the opinion people can be born in difficult backgrounds but grow and become more cultured if they choose to.
His lack of effort when it comes to your birthday is terrible.
By now he should have managed to reciprocate the energy you put towards his big day. Does he go out of his way for the kids on their birthdays?
He needs to become more sensitive towards the feelings of others, especially those closest to him.
Try and join couples groups; at times the best way to learn is to witness how your peers navigate similar obstacles. Lastly, try to convey to him that effort is not entirely about monetary resources. For the most part, it is just about effort. If possible, professional counselling could really help break through to him. I wish you all the best.
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I feel used
Hello Amai, I do menial jobs for a living and I have a few basic things to my name. I have free accommodation at work. I fell in love with a teacher who was on attachment and I provided free accommodation and everything for him.
I used to send him money when he needed it.
He graduated last year but I was not invited because the college only allowed limited numbers per student. I heard through the grapevine that he was now dating a fellow teacher and this broke my heart. I asked him about it and he told me not to worry since he loved me more than the other girl.
I am 35 and he is 28. Amai, am I not being fooled?
Response
Greetings dear writer. I am sorry to state the obvious, but you need to wake up and smell the coffee. I see a lot of red flags in your relationship.
This guy is taking advantage of you. He is cheating on you and he admitted it to you. That was very disrespectful.
How do you prove that he loves you more? If he loves you, why is he cheating on you in the first place? I suggest you have a candid talk with him and tell him that you will not be played for a fool. Cut your losses.
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com