The Sunday Mail
MAI CHISAMBA, I dated my childhood sweetheart for ten years, it was pure love. We adored each other and most interestingly we were friends.
We separated when he went to study abroad but as always Mai Chisamba, distance affects many relationships and ours was not spared. I fell for another guy back home, the only reason why I gave him a chance was because he had a smile and a gap between his front teeth like my ex boyfriend.
We dated for two years and got married but I knew I had committed half heartedly. Our marriage did not go far, we divorced after four years because this guy was very abusive and aive nemitemo yekuti kana ambuya vangu chaivo was shocked.
He would not eat or be served by a maid. I had to do his laundry always. When I went out on workshops he would rather buy new shirts than to have his laundry be done by anyone else.
He would take stock of all groceries bought, money banked and withdrawn. He would not tolerate anything that was not in our plan waito demba demba when faced with unanticipated costs.
We were both gainfully employed but I was treated like a minor. He was not a happy guy although he tried. Staying with him was like staying with an in house auditor. He would go mad if we had too many leftovers. In short amai I think we were two different people.
I was 24 and he was 25 when we tied the knot but hameno. He is a good father, he pays child support for our son religiously and we still talk. Recently I bumped into my ex-boyfriend, he is divorced too. He had married a white woman and their marriage did not work out.
They did not have any children and he is back. We automatically fell for each other again and he wants us to get married like yesterday. I have been divorced for a year, should I marry him? I love him he knows how to treat a woman.
Haasi bharanzi the man of my dreams is back, please help. Love is definitely in the air I feel it.
Response
I was shocked when you said you got into your marriage half heartedly. Why on earth would someone do something as grave as that? Marriage is a lifelong companionship and the only reason for committing to this should be love.
Without that it will not survive, love is like the heart in any marriage. It is a vital organ/ingredient you cannot do without. You tied the knot at 24 and you were quite mature, I expected you to reason like a major.
Marrying someone because their teeth and smile reminded you of your ex flame was both childish and very irresponsible.
Mind you munhu akazoita mavende in later life the smile may seem different then, what next? It is very unfortunate that in our culture some people succumb to peer pressure and marry for the sake of silencing their critics.
To other people out there I say never fall prey to this. You should have studied the character of this guy during courtship. The counseling stage before you actually commit is very important but many choose to ignore this.
Yes, he sounds strict but from your letter you worked together that is why you did financial planning together and I think that is a plus. Buying new shirts because he did not want anyone else to do his laundry sounds contradictory to his character trait of monitoring each cent.
People who are strict with their budgets do not buy clothes randomly, maidiiko kusiya mawacha dzakawanda? The sad thing about this is you rushed to have a child when you knew things were not going on well, why? Divorces affect children right through their lives.
Already you want to marry your ex-boyfriend, what if he has changed and you are choosing to ignore this? Give it a bit of time and get to know each other again. When you were apart so many things happened in your lives ‘rega zvipore akabva murutsva’.
You can date each other and take it one step at a time until you get there. You need to heal. Get to the bottom of why he divorced his wife and he needs to know about what you went through too.
Marriage is not just about romance, it comes with a lot of responsibilities put this into serious consideration. This time around marry for true love because smiles may fade away. Pray and ask for God’s guidance. I wish you all the best.
