Church differences tearing us apart

19 Jul, 2020 - 00:07 0 Views
Church differences  tearing us apart

The Sunday Mail

HELLO amai. I hope I find you well. I am in a relationship and it is a good one. We enjoy each other’s company and things were getting pretty serious. However, we have now hit a stumbling block in our relationship. My girlfriend and I belong to different churches and none of us want to leave and join the other’s place of worship. Is this such a bad thing? Are there ways of resolving this without losing what we had built? Please assist.

Response

Hello writer. I am very well; thanks for asking. The truth is yours is not a difficult issue at all. If the relationship is good, I do not see why you will let something as simple as a place of worship or denomination come between you.

Like you rightfully stated, it is a place of worship — just a place. The important thing is that you are worshipping God and feeding your faith. You did not mention any differences in terms of doctrines, so I am assuming there are none. Compromising is part of being in a committed relationship. You can start by visiting her church on a few occasions and she can return the favour before you lockdown where you would want to attend permanently.

If it really is a big deal between the two of you, you may even look for a new church to start attending together to mark this new chapter. As long as you are worshipping the same God, I do not see a problem. Do not sweat the small stuff or miss out on something good because of hard-headedness. I would be happy to hear from you again.

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Scary dreams leaving me shaken

I am a 20-year-old lady and I am dating a 21-year-old guy. Things are going well and I can see him in my future. We have been seeing each other since high school and it has been about four years in total. He has really been a pillar of support in my life.

The problem stems from the dreams I have been having. I often dream about us having disputes and I see his mother in my dreams. She is always weirdly staring at me. My questions is: do you think my dreams are premonitions of what is to come or I should just dismiss them as dreams?

I really do not know what to do and I have not discussed this with anyone at length because I am not even sure what it means. All I know is that it deeply disturbs me.

Response

I am happy that you are young and deeply in love. I am concerned, however, with the way these dreams are disturbing you. The truth is there is nothing scientific about dreams.

You cannot pin down these dreams as premonitions of what is to come. It may be your subconscious playing tricks on you.

Maybe you are afraid of losing this guy and you have heard things about his mother that frighten you. Either way, it is still hard to make anything of these dreams. Ignore them entirely and try to sleep early and avoid going to bad overly stressed as this may lead to you having bad dreams. I honestly believe it will be well.

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Mother mingling in my business

Hello amai. I am a 24-year-old guy and I am seeing a 19-year-old lady. I have known her since she was 15. She is really a nice person, but the people in my village spread unfounded rumours about her.

These rumours have made their way to my mother, who now believes I should stop dating her because she has been seen with different men around town. She even confronted her and yelled at her to stop dating me. She claims ndakapusa (foolish) and that I am stubborn.

This is straining my relationship and embarrassing at the same time. I am a manager at a local company and this kind of negativity does not suit a person in my position. Please help me make it stop.

Response

Hello dear writer and thank you for writing in. Your issue is sad because your mother is making a nuisance of herself. I am glad you used the word unfounded. Has she ever seen or met some of these men she claims your girlfriend has been with? You must also remind your mother of your position within the community.

People are always going to talk regardless of who you date or see. Ignore them; it will come to pass. Ask your mother to be more supportive and assure her that this is the choice you have made. If you do not stand up to her now, she will continue to influence all your relationship choices. I do not understand why people are so bothered.

You are the one who has to date this woman and as far as you know she is virtuous. Small communities such as villages have been known to be a hive of gossip and lies because there is not much to do, and people end up occupying their time with gossip. I am sure there are also unverified rumours of other people practicing witchcraft or having used rituals to enrich themselves. Pay it no mind and go about your day. At the end of the day, focus on your own happiness.

 

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