Brother treating me like a stranger

28 Feb, 2021 - 00:02 0 Views
Brother treating me like a stranger

The Sunday Mail

Dr Rebecca Chisamba
Mudzimba

We are no longer happy lovebirds

Dear amai, I am writing to you with a heavy heart. I am a 25-year-old guy and I was dating a 23-year-old woman for the last two and a half years. Things were going well and our relationship was widely accepted at college and by our relatives. We were both at a teachers’ college.

She cheated on me and I found out about it. I was devastated because I saw a faithful partner in her, someone fit for marriage. She confessed in front of me and her aunt. Also, she apologised. We have been trying to give it another go but things are different now.

She is secretive, no longer gives me her phone or posts me on her social media. What do you think is the best way going forward?

Response

Hello writer, thanks for writing in. I am sorry that you hit a bump in the road. I think it is not enough to know that she cheated. You need to find out why. Perhaps those are the reasons that are now contributing to her sudden change as well.

As far as having access to her phone and posting you on social media, do not look too much into it. Perhaps she has always wanted a bit of freedom and privacy. At the end of the day, you cannot force someone to do what they do not want. Until you unearth why she cheated and why things have gone sour, you cannot make an informed decision. Be prepared for anything, it is a possibility that she has fallen out of love with you. Have a lengthy talk with her and get all your ducks in a row before moving on to the next stage. I hope you can turn the corner and make it work. You sound like you had something special.

***

Communication is not key for my boyfriend

I am a 24-year-old woman and I am dating a 28-year-old man. We live in the same city and of late we have both become distant towards each other. What makes things worse is we can now go for up to a month without speaking. I asked him if this is normal and if he can find time to talk to me about it.

He keeps stalling, saying he will visit. I asked his brother about it and he told me to stop forcing things. I have a right to know and I wish he would just tell me if he is no longer interested in me. Please help.

Response

This relationship seems to have hit a rough patch. For starters, your boyfriend needs to know you are not a mind reader. His conduct is unbecoming of a grown man. The same way he expressed his interest in you is the same way he must tell you if he wants out. It is insane to go for a month without checking on each other.

Especially when you reside in the same city. His brother’s response was very candid, perhaps he knows something but haasi muridzi wenyaya.

I do not see this guy ever coming around to tell you it is over. If you want closure and freedom to move on, inform him that if he does not find time to talk about it you are going to consider the relationship to be over. This is not love! I would also want to task you to look back to the time he became distant.

Try and figure out if anything transpired on his side or if you did something that may have agitated him. It will be like solving pieces of the puzzle and help you gain even more closure going forward.

 If by any small chance he comes on board, go for relationship counselling if things are to work between you. All parties involved need to improve on their communication. I wish you all the best.

***

Brother treating me like a stranger

I am a 22-year-old woman and I am very unhappy. My brother is 35 and married to my sister-in-law whom no one from our family really likes because of her attitude. Some time back he visited our family home in Gweru and asked that I go back with him to Harare, to help out for a month or so until they got a maid.

My mother refused and I put up many excuses, but my father thought it best for me to go.

When I got there, my sister-in-law gave me three maid uniforms and proceeded to treat me like the maid. I am not even staying in the main house.

I told my mom and she had a verbal fight with my brother and I feel fed up. I want to leave. My brother says I will only leave when they find a maid, what kind of nonsense is this?

Response

Let me start by expressing my own displeasure at how your brother is treating you. Blood is thicker than water. If they give you uniforms and make you sleep far from the main house, is that their definition of you “helping out”? It is shocking.

They do not even seem like the type to give you a bit of an appreciation package as compensation for your trouble. Go back home. I am sure your mother will protect you.

Your father made the wrong choice and he will have to live with it.

Do not be subjected to more of this second-class citizen treatment. Shame on your brother for turning his own back on his family. You deserved better.

I hope your departure will be a wake-up call to him. Be bold in your decision. You are a major and cannot be held against your will. If there is any further assistance you need please inform me.

 

Write to: [email protected], WhatsApp 0771415747.

 

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