BRIDAL: When NOT to say ‘I do’

19 Jul, 2015 - 00:07 0 Views
BRIDAL: When NOT to say ‘I do’ Beulah Billie and Patrick Noble Mwanza in a mock wedding display at the Sunday Mail bridal expo

The Sunday Mail

Beulah Billie and Patrick Noble Mwanza in a mock wedding display at the Sunday Mail bridal expo

Beulah Billie and Patrick Noble Mwanza in a mock wedding display at the Sunday Mail bridal expo

Tendai Mbirimi – Bridal Writer

For many young girls, being a bride is the closest possible thing to living childhood fantasies of being a princess — the wedding industry and bridal magazines collaborate too in weaving the dream.

Find the perfect prince, put on the perfect wedding gown and live happily ever after; it’s an alluring story for almost everyone. To some ladies, getting married can seem like the end of all girls’ problems, getting married can seem like a way to get a new start.

But does it always work that way?

A visit to civil courts around Zimbabwe tells another side of the picturesque wedding days.

Marrying as a solution to painful circumstances almost never leads to a good and lasting marriage.

Marriages that come as a conscious way out of a difficult situation do not have the staying power that comes with mature love, shared values and a commitment to the future by two adults.

There are many wrong reasons that people marry for. Some fathers may appear brutal and mothers constantly critical on their teenage girls. While marrying their boyfriends may seem like the only way out of this situation — that is no reason at all to marry someone.

Yes, some families are abusive. Some parents do not know how to love and protect. Some are so toxic to the extent of forcing the child to flee.

However, fleeing into an untimely marriage does not provide a solid foundation for a marriage. The fear that spurs flight can cloud a person’s judgment about who would really make a good partner.

It is easy to fantasise and be hooked to someone who offers an alternative to daily ridicule and pain back home. For couples who are from families entrenched in deep religious settings with an undertaking to stay pure until marriage, girls must avoid the mistake of tying the knot pressured by the instincts of legitimising sex in the event that they cross the line before marriage.

Never mind what your religion or church members will say, avoid at all costs using this mistake as the reason why you decide to tie the knot. If you had some doubts about the relationship before bedding each other, consider these and address them before you wed.

Those seeds of doubt and blame are likely to fester and grow if not addressed. Marriage may make you feel less guilty about having sex but it will not resolve other issues that undermine your relationship.

Picture this: A woman who has been in affairs since she was 13 or 15 years old and has dated a number of guys, always having someone new lined up before ending a relationship. Now suppose at 27, she’s just been dumped by the most recent boyfriend for whatever reason.

She hates being alone in her apartment at night. She does not know what to do with herself on weekends. She feels empty and scared. She has tried calling her ex but he is further put off by her tears. She is running through her files for someone, anyone, who can fill up the hole in her life.

As a result, these pressures may force her to fall into a marriage of convenience with the first guy who shows interest. What a grave mistake!

Marriage does provide a partner in life but it does not guarantee that the partner will be good at partnering. In their rush to marry so as to fend off their fear of abandonment, they do not take the time to find someone who shares their interests and values.

Men can be as vulnerable to making these mistakes as women. Older people are not exempt either. Regardless of age or gender, the desire to marry and share a life is a healthy one.

However, weddings that come as a solution to personal or couple problems will not guarantee a happily-ever-after marriage.

A happy marriage requires a union of two adults who love each other deeply, unselfishly, respectfully and who share a commitment to keep their wedding vows. Only then can a bond be created that withstand the test and tastes of life.

 

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