BRIDAL: Share your deepest secrets, desires

14 Jun, 2015 - 00:06 0 Views

The Sunday Mail

Tendai Mbirimi – Bridal writer

“For which of you intending to build a tower sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost and see whether he has sufficient to finish it so that after he hath laid the foundation and then fail to finish it, passers-by will not scoff at him,” reads Luke 14 verse 28.

This proverb has proved relevant to those who rush to tie the knot for the sake of prestige without first sitting down to see if they have the required egos to take them through the marital phase. Dating or courtship is good, but the counselling that follows is better.

Courtships address the question of how one finds a good partner, whereas counselling addresses how one becomes the perfect partner.

Courtships allow one to figure out whether their partners are the right persons for them.

If you intend to marry a particular person, imagine yourself married to them and see if you enjoy the idea. Spend large amounts of time with your partner so as to unmask the good and the bad in them.

Become each other’s primary emotional confidantes. Share your deepest secrets and desires. Get to know that person better than anyone else in their life.

Amateur drivers can teach each other one or two skills, but it requires a qualified inspector for one to obtain a driver’s licence. Counselling removes the hue and gives couples the opportunity to face the questions and answers that they naturally avoid.

Pre-marital counselling is a stage which most couples tend to ignore during the preparatory process of the wedding; hence it has resulted in most marriages collapsing immediately after the wedding. Counselling has of late become an integral part preceding the wedding itself.

In a world where conflict is rampant, no single ideology can make a marriage relationship impeccable. One will strengthen their odds of not only staying together but living in understanding when they acquire the skills needed to navigate what can be a rough terrain.

One distinct advantage of pre-marriage counselling is that it allows couples to learn how to communicate and work through problems. Once married, the couple already have unspoken expectations for each other, never mind the different beliefs and ideologies about marriage and married life. That way, the marriage relationships can be absolute bedlam.

A pre-marriage counsellor will help the couple on how to talk through differences and set mutually agreed habits that will serve as a framework to carry the couple through the years.

Pre-marriage counselling is usually provided by churches. Most worship centres require the groom and bride-to-be to participate in counselling sessions before the couple walks down the aisle.

To those outside the communion of religion or having their nuptials via judicial chambers, there exist professionals like psychologists, marriage and or family therapists that are best in thrashing out existing and potentially explosive issues in a relationship.

 

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