The Sunday Mail
DEAR Amai, I hope I find you well. I am a 26-year-old bachelor and I reside at the family home with my parents. I get on very well with the gardener from next door because we are age mates.
He regularly borrows garden equipment from me and I gladly give it to him without consulting my parents.
Once in a while, I also ask for select tools. In this instance, I asked for a curved hoe (chifengu), which is used to make sweet potato beds. I do not know whether it had a crack or not because I never examined it. After making two beds, it broke into two.
The gardener’s boss is furious because he was told that it went missing.
He has threatened to withhold my friend’s January salary unless it mysteriously reappears. He wonders how one item can disappear when the shed is full of other tools.
If it had been stolen, he argues, more tools would have gone missing along with it.
I did not tell my parents when I asked for this hoe because we have ours, but it is not as good as our neighbour’s.
I am now confused and scared that this issue may come to light and may cause unnecessary problems between neighbours.
Response
Dear writer, thank you so much for writing in. First, let me say private property should be respected at all costs. You know very well that your gardener friend is just a worker and has no right to give away equipment without the owner’s knowledge.
That is why he is not at liberty to tell him the truth.
From your letter, I can tell that the owner is not amused at all and your friend may risk losing his job if you do not come out clean.
I know you will not be able to live with that. I suggest you tell your parents and the owner the whole truth and apologise. You must offer to replace the hoe.
This should serve as a learning curve for both of you. It is very noble to be honest at all times. Keep me posted on the progress you make.
****************
Church friend
left me hanging
I am 31-years-old, married and gainfully employed. I stay in the same neighbourhood with someone I go to church with and we are in the same cell group. We call each other brothers and we have a good relationship. In the middle of last year, I asked him if it was okay if we travelled together to work since he has a car. He concurred that it was a perfect plan.
I brought along my brother-in-law whom I stay with and we travelled together for six months. We did not offer anything or suggest any form of payment because I was sure he would say no because of our church connection.
At the beginning of the year, he, however, said he was no longer able to continue to offer us a lift. Surprisingly, he is giving a lift to two other people who live a few blocks down our road. Amai, is this fair? He did not give us any reason for his action. To make matters worse, it is raining every other day. Should I ask him or just keep quiet? I am afraid this is going to affect our relationship.
Response
When I read your letter, for one moment, I was in utter disbelief. Respectfully, you need to wake up and smell the coffee. The writing is on the wall. Your assumption was wrong. Maybe he, indeed, would have appreciated you contributing towards fuel or other shared travel expenses.
For six months, you and your brother-in-law travelled to and from work for free! It is heavily implied that the people he is now travelling with are responsible for their keep, that is, they pay for their travel.
I am sorry, but you have no case; you took so much for granted.
My advice is for you to use public transport and buy raincoats or umbrellas. As for church, continue to fellowship happily.
Do not mix issues. Over time, I trust this chapter will be successfully behind you. I wish you all the best.
****************
Wife refusing to go
to our rural home
I am a married man aged 22 and my wife is 19. We are not gainfully employed; we only do menial jobs. Our work is not consistent, so money is a big problem. Paying for our rented room has become a tall order.
The landlord is now taking advantage of us. We are asked to do gardening and household chores for no payment. For basic things like mealie meal and dried vegetables, I go to my parents’ rural home and they give us the stuff.
They have even offered to give us a piece of land where we can grow whatever we want for our benefit. My wife says she does not want to reside in the village.
She does not like to go and fetch water and firewood from afar.
She does not like the rural lifestyle at all. I am under pressure because my parents say if we say no to this offer, they will stop helping us immediately. Amai, how do I convince my wife?
Response
From your letter, I can tell that, as a couple, you have a lot of strength. That is why you manage to work for different people at any given time.
I am also glad that you are at least aware that you are being taken advantage of by unscrupulous people. In your landlord’s case, it may not be totally true because you are duty-bound to pay your rent. The only problem is how you measure this barter deal.
You are fortunate that you have very loving parents but if the truth be told, they cannot spoon-feed you forever.
You are married and you may soon be blessed with kids whom you will need to look after.
I think you need to sit down with your wife and look at the option of going home, lead a simpler life and work to support yourselves.
You are still young; you can always come back to town if that is where your heart is. The advantage is you are going to have free land from your parents and grow your own produce for sale. Life is what you make it. I wish you all the best.
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