The Sunday Mail
Life issues
FGK
PARENTING is one of the greatest responsibilities we could ever assume in life.
Our children ought to be taught and it is the parent’s responsibility to do so.
If you neglect this responsibility, society, with its good and bad teachings, will train your child. Would it not be painful to see your children becoming what you never wanted them to be? Begin a walk with your children when they are young and show them the way. Do not try to bring them back after they are lost.
Proverbs 22:6 says: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”
If we agree that the Bible is an inspired book, which God gave to us through inspired men, then we should believe its teachings and sayings.
When adults marry, the next expected thing is that God will bless them with children. At that stage, a couple should be equipped on parenting. When parenting, remember that you are dealing with affectionate beings that need your love and encouragement.
Always give lots of support to your child, either after a rebuke or after every triumph. They can feel the love within your rebuke just as they feel the affection when you talk to them. It is always best to prioritise building their confidence in life, which can only be done through support and love. When they succeed, they need to be told. Always reward good behaviour and pamper them with praise when it is due.
As they grow older, children learn through different means and ways. However, the most common and effective way of learning is through observation. The way you walk, talk and behave around them is what they copy and do. Act and speak the way you want your children to act and speak.
Always use the same rule to discipline your children. Do not make them feel as if you apply different rules to their siblings. Consistency in treating bad behaviour is the trick in making your children follow the rules. For them to see someone “getting away with it” is tantamount to telling them that they can sometimes break the fence.
Bad behaviour needs to be corrected as soon as it is committed. Delaying until they relax and forget might not help them. When an act is still fresh, the consequence will stick. Be sure to explain the broken rules in age-appropriate terms so that they can understand. You do not need to be angry when you are disciplining your child. Anger often works like an intoxication and it will exaggerate your intentions. It is always appropriate to correct your child when you are in a sober mood, you will be able to easily dictate the limits.
There should always be a way to calmly and firmly communicate to your child the consequences of their actions. There should be a clearer way to communicate that the behaviour is bad but the child is not bad. Be able to separate the two. For example, tell them that if they do not gather up their toys and tidy up after playing, you will put the toys away for the rest of the day.
If they are a bit older, you might tell them if they come home late you will not allow them to go out with their friends the next day. They will stick to your rules as long as they understand the consequences of breaking them.
Taking or withdrawing something they need always works. Just make sure you just do not take away things like food, love, affection, etcetera.
Listening to your children speak is important. Let your child finish the story before helping to solve the problem. Give them attention and eye contact. As you listen to them, show empathy and respond accordingly. When you listen to them, they develop trust within themselves and their confidence grows. Giving them attention helps cement good behaviour as well as discard bad behaviour.
Remember your children desire your attention, they long to make you happy. Help your children achieve this by always paying attention to their contributions, explanations, excuses and reasons for their behaviour. When you listen to them, they will also learn to listen to you.
Make sure you do not only talk about their bad behaviour. It will appear like nagging, and children ignore that. Do not always try to force them to understand your point. Your levels are different. Make sure you do not criticise them and call them names, rather call them what you want them to be.
Scolding makes children anxious and may make them ignore you, if not it will worsen their behaviour. Some things would better be left as they are, they will be corrected as your child continues to play. For example, your daughter keeps pouring her juice on the lawn. It does not affect anything, so you might consider letting her be. She will realise that her juice is gone and learn from that.
In training your child, the goal is not to make them become like you. They should excel beyond you and they should grow to heights you have never been before. Do not train them to become what you failed to become, train them to become what their destiny demands. Some parents wanted to be medical doctors, but they failed mathematics and are bitter. They want to fight back through their children.
Let us train our children to be good individuals in society. They should be able to learn from others and this will propel them to their different destinies.
Quote of the week: Do not train your child to become what you failed to become, train them to become what their destiny demands.
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