You are not alone, seek help

Yes, I know what I am talking about.
I have also experienced and lived with it and have been stuck for decades with a man who had this dysfunction for some time.Besides, several other women from the clan, women that I have interacted with in the global village have also shared their frustrating experiences at the hands of men suffering from various sexual dysfunctions.

But it took the courage of this young man who recently dropped me an e-mail for me to realise how universal and frustrating this could be to both men and women.

“Dear Mainini Bea

Thank you for your column. Mainini, I have a problem with premature ejaculation so much that I am now afraid to have sex. As soon as I enter a woman, I just discharge. I have become the laughing stock amongst my girlfriends, please help me. I am 27.” — Mobz.

Ehee, Mobz, just like I have also experienced the frustration of premature ejaculation, millions of other women in Zimbabwe and the world over have experienced and lived with erectile dysfunction and various other sexual challenges created by the male sexual organ. Just when you expect it to perform, it just wobbles. Most of the penile problems, ranging from erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation and retarded ejaculation, according to medical experts, are common but treatable.

Today Mainini will concentrate on erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation only and move to the other sexual challenges in the following weeks. And discussion on these two are almost a taboo amongst men.

Beautiful and untainted sex, say the experts, is within easy reach of any normal human being. Imagine having spent a whole day planning a romantic late evening escapade with the loved one. The fantasies, the drooling and all, as you inch towards the time. You get there, but realise, ‘‘it’’ just won’t get up. Or if it does, the stiffness is just not stiff enough. Or worse still, it gets the stiffness of a corpse, 100 percent godo chairo.

But, and a big BUT, it just gets in and fires there and then. And before you know it, if you are a woman like me, you see Bamunini Richie rolling over the other side of the bed, gasping and trying to hide the softening poor ‘‘thing’’.

Babamunini Richie can even feign satisfaction. Do not be fooled, Bamunini Richie will be very embarrassed!

According to the US-based Mayo Clinic erectile dysfunction — the inability to get or maintain an erection firm enough for sex — is common in men. They say alcohol increaseth the desire, but it taketh away the performance. Besides diabetes, alcohol has largely been singled out as the major cause of weak erections followed by smoking and age. Poor eating habits resulting in being overweight or obese also takes away the strength of the erection. A big belly, in particular, cannot sustain a desirable erection!

Men with big bellies, take heed!

Men who have diabetes, are hardest hit. Erectile dysfunction could stem from problems caused by poor long-term blood sugar control, which damages nerves and blood vessels.  The clinic says erectile dysfunction could also be linked to other conditions common in men with diabetes, such as high blood pressure and coronary artery disease.  Having erectile dysfunction can be a real challenge and can leave you and your partner feeling frustrated and discouraged.

Age, says a local doctor, also takes away the strength of an erection. Compare the strengths of your erections when you were 20 and today! With that, the doctor says for men, it’s better to keep the wife of your youth as aging together would minimise sexual incongruence and she might never notice that the erection has grown weaker. Another brother told me that the woman has a very strong role in getting that erection and maintaining it.

Many men are reluctant to bring up erectile dysfunction in conversations with their partners or even their doctor. But don’t let embarrassment keep you from getting help, urges the Clinic. One small conversation could make a big difference! Having erectile dysfunction could be a real challenge and can leave you and your partner feeling frustrated and discouraged.  There is another interesting penile disorder.

That disorder is dangerous, especially this side of the Equator.  The gun gets stiff to the desired strength, but softens at the sight of a condom! True, there are men who suffer from this! The only advice, if you are not doing it with your wife, is to ask the woman to wear the condom!

Otherwise, unopera kufa!

Medical experts say standard treatments for erectile dysfunction should include lifestyle changes. Men, especially those of you with those bulging tummies, if you want to have your sex back, do physical exercise.

Try losing weight, stop smoking and cut on your alcohol intake.  Doctors also suggest medications like Viagra increase blood flow to the penis, but could cause nasal congestion, headache, upset stomach, and vision changes. Men who have experienced a stroke, have uncontrolled diabetes, or suffer low blood pressure should not take these medications, experts say. Testosterone replacement and erection-inducing injections are also available, but side-effects may include acne, breast enlargement, increased urination, aching in the penis, and scarring.

Premature ejaculation, according to the Men’s Health site, is uncontrolled ejaculation either before or shortly after sexual penetration, with minimal sexual stimulation and before the person wishes to.

It may result in an unsatisfactory sexual experience for both partners and this could increase the anxiety that may contribute to the problem.  Premature ejaculation is one of the most common forms of male sexual dysfunction and has probably affected every man at some point in his life.

Hands up those who haven’t!

Most cases of premature ejaculation do not have a clear cause, experts say.

With sexual experience and age, men often learn to delay orgasm.  Premature ejaculation may occur with a new partner, that new kamhamha! Or it could occur if it has been a long time since the last ejaculation.  Psychological factors such as anxiety, guilt, or depression could also cause premature ejaculation.  The Men’s Health site says in some cases, premature ejaculation may be related to a medical cause such as hormonal problems, injury, or a side-effect of certain medicines. A man may experience retarded ejaculation, that situation when you realise the man will not just come!  He goes on and on pounding while you wish he could just get done and roll over!

Even though most women appreciate a prolonged intercourse, a man with a retarded ejaculation will leave you wishing you hadn’t agreed to the act. Medical experts say men with retarded ejaculation are also on the rise.  The fear of contracting sexually transmitted infections during intercourse could also cause retarded ejaculation. Retarded ejaculation, they also say, could be caused by failure by men with curved (upwards/downwards) guns to correctly insert them. A man with an upward curved gun, if they know how to insert it effectively, could create invaluable sexual pleasure for their women by easily reaching the G-Spot, that small most sexually sensitive part of a woman. In many cases, doctors say, premature ejaculation resolves on its own over time without medical treatment.

Practicing relaxation techniques or using distraction methods may help you delay ejaculation.  The Mayo Clinic says for some men, stopping or cutting down on the use of alcohol, tobacco, and illegal drugs may improve their ability to control ejaculation.

Other options include using a condom to reduce sensation to the penis or trying a different position (such as lying on your back) during intercourse.

Counselling or behavioural therapy may help reduce anxiety related to premature ejaculation.  Above all, men, just go and get circumcised. Circumcision beats all! It’s the best, ask your women.

Keep on reading and let’s roll them to [email protected]

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