The Sunday Mail
“No matter what you’ve done for yourself or for humanity, if you can’t look back on having given love and attention to your own family, what have you really accomplished?” (Unknown).
We live in times where many of us have become so busy such that we have even become strangers to our own families. The challenge in many of the success writings is that very little emphasis is placed on the importance of having quality time with our families.
We set goals every year, but why don’t we set goals like “to be the greatest husband or wife to my family in 2015”, or “to spend more quality time with my family”.
The majority of many people’s goals are only financially related. Do not be a successful person at work and fail at home. Strive for a balance. We spend hours on end working for the family only to lose them through neglect. Many parents leave for work before their children are up and return way past their bed time. This week I will give you excerpts from a story that moved me.
Never be busy for your
family: Tale of one parent
A story is often told of a certain mother who was always busy with work. She came back one day from work late, tired and irritated, to find her 5-year-old son waiting for her at the door.
Son: “Mummy, May I ask you a question?”
Mum: “Yeah sure, what is it?” replied the woman.
Son: “Mummy, how much do you make an hour?”
Mum: “That’s none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?” the woman said angrily.
Son: “I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?”
Mum: “If you must know, I make $50 an hour.”
Son: “Oh,” the little boy replied, with his head down.
Son: “Mummy, may I please borrow $25?”
The mother was so incensed: “If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I don’t work hard every day for such childish frivolities.”
The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door. The mother sat down and allowed her anger at the little boy to gather momentum.
The source of course was the little boy’s incessant request for money.
The woman sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy’s questions. With the passing of an hour, the woman gathered herself up, and realised that there might be a genuine call which justified the request for the $25.
The son was not the type that would always ask for money. The woman went to the door of the little boy’s room and opened the door.
“Are you asleep, son?” she asked.
“No Mummy, I’m awake,” replied the boy.
“I’ve been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier,” said the woman.
“It’s been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here’s the $25 you asked for.”
The little boy sat straight up, smiling. “Oh, thank you Mummy!” he yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow, he pulled out some crumpled up bills. The woman saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his mother.
“Why do you want more money if you already have some?” the mother asked angrily.
“Because I didn’t have enough, but now I do,” the little boy replied.
“Mummy, I have $50 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you.”
The mother was crushed. She put her arms around her little son, and she begged for his forgiveness.
Do not lose your loved ones in the name of working “hard”.
We all want to live, and possibly have a good life. Sometimes the amount of time we put to this end causes us to lose the very people that matter the most in our lives.
I am not in any way discouraging people from working hard, I am challenging you to take charge of your time, and strike a balance between family and work.
Time is money, we all agree, but why don’t you commit the same resource to developing your family. Well, the reality is if you die today, in no time there will be two or three advertisements soliciting for your replacement. In short, you are replaceable!
There will never be your replacement in your family: The people who will experience the depth of grief and sorrow is your family. We are not immortals, let’s face it. So, we have to add meaningful value to our families first.
Jim Rohn once said: “Your family and your love must be cultivated like a garden. Time, effort, and imagination must be summoned constantly to keep any relationship flourishing and growing.”
Money is not everything
The mistake that many rich people make is to think that money will cover everything. Money will not hug your child when he or she needs comforting. Paying school fees is simply part of your duty as a parent; otherwise, who do you expect to do that for you?
Giving your children pocket money does not absolve you from your duty to create time for them. Do not leave parenting to DSTV, or the Internet. Most people don’t even know what their children are watching on television or “googling” on the Internet.
You need to get involved in the life of your family. If you do not do that, someone will do that for you and will achieve his or her agenda through them.
Create opportunities for
connection
Thank God for technology and applications such as Whatsapp, Viber, Skype and the short message service (SMS). These are opportunities to connect and communicate with family. Just one “I love you” message to your daughter may protect her from falling into the hands of an abusive man in the search for “love”.
Just one message of affirmation to your son may save him from joining a gang in the quest for appreciation and validation. Why don’t you create a family Whatsapp group, Viber group, where you get to connect more and more with your family? You can never be busy for a single message.
Join me on Star FM on Wednesdays (09:30am-10:00am) for some moments of inspiration on the Breeze with Tariro and Iyati.
Arthur Marara is an Attorney, Author and Speaker. He is also the author of the Personal Development Toolkit. Send your feedback to [email protected] or Whatsapp +263 772 304 449.
