The Sunday Mail
Pastor Tinashe Zinyemba
LAST week we mentioned that a Godly relationship should be different and I felt the need to revisit something that we touched on last year – dating and courtship.
I came across some interesting material and decided to share it for your benefit. Wikipedia defines dating as a part of the human mating process whereby two people meet socially for companionship, beyond the level of friendship, or with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or marriage.
Courtship is a relationship between a man and a woman in which they seek to determine if it is God’s will for them to marry each other. Under the protection, guidance, and blessing of parents, the couple concentrates on developing a deep friendship that could lead to marriage, as they discern their readiness for marriage and God’s timing for their marriage. (Proverbs 3:5-7)
Courtship is a choice to avoid temptation and experience the blessings of purity. It is a choice to not emotionally give away your heart, piece by piece, to many others through casual dating relationships and instead to give your whole heart to your life partner. It is a choice to wait for God’s best, for His glory.
It is a decision to walk by faith, to trust in God, to honour others above yourself, and to believe that God will deal bountifully with you, because He is love. (2 Corinthians 5:7, Psalm 9:10, Romans 12:10 Psalm 13, I John 4:8.)
Individuals, family, and circumstances is unique, it also means that each courtship is unique. While those who choose courtship will hold to general guidelines for the relationship, their specific choices about when, where, and how to court may differ according to their needs and circumstances.
If, during the courtship, one or both parties realise that marriage is not God’s will and they end the relationship, the courtship has not failed. On the contrary, the courtship was successful, because God gave the direction that was sought.
Although the termination of a courtship is likely to be painful — which can lead to bitterness — it can be avoided. Both parties, as well as their families and those who love them, should continue to trust in the Lord and accept the grace He gives to deal with disappointment or unfulfilled hopes. (Romans 5:1–5.)
“Let love be without dissimulation [be sincere]. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good. Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another.” (Romans 12:9–10)
The difference between dating and courtship involves the goals to be reached by spending time with a potential marriage partner. Men and women who choose to date often have no commitment to consider marrying the other person. Maturity and readiness for marriage are not considerations in the decision to date. Instead, couples usually date with the selfish goals of having fun and enjoying romantic attachments.
In contrast, courtship is undertaken only when both parties are prepared to make a commitment to marry. Dating tries to answer the question: How can I find the one who will make me happy? Courtship strives to answer the question: How can I honour God and discern His direction regarding my life partner?
In a dating relationship, there is little or no accountability for the couple as well as limited interaction with family members.
The dating couple is merely attracted to one another in some way and often pursues an exclusive relationship that is independent of others’ influence or counsel. Since the boundaries of the relationship are self-determined, the couple may easily succumb to temptation and fail to consider their responsibility to honour each other in purity and genuine love.
A couple in courtship seeks the influence and guidance of their parents or mentors. As they establish guidelines for their relationship, they can more easily recognise that God also holds them responsible to honour one another. Receiving God’s grace and the support of others strengthens them to maintain their commitment to purity.
In a dating relationship, self-gratification is normally the basis of the relationship. Instead of focusing on God’s pleasure, the couple is often looking for personal pleasure. This oblivious self-centeredness can lead only to dissatisfaction, promoting an attitude of lust (taking what I want) rather than the Scriptural attitude of love (giving unselfishly to others).
Consequently, dating opens the door to many temptations. If defrauding (stirring up desires that cannot be righteously satisfied) occurs, the couple can foolishly and tragically give away both emotional and physical affections that should have been reserved for a life partner.
Thus, in a dating relationship, intimacy precedes commitment.
That is all for now, till next time God bless.
