Thanks for the honesty, Cde Didymus

Didymus should stop the phone calls and the invitations to private media hacks who have nothing better to do than to visit his Zesa-less house.

“NOTHING in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity,” Martin Luther King Jnr once said.

This is the sad story of a terribly naïve Morgan Tsvangirai and Didymus Mutasa, who due to desperation have perfected the art of embarrassing themselves.

Didymus should know better.

Surely, a former Intelligence Minister should have been much wiser.

But Proverbs 18:2 also tell us: “Fools have no interest in understanding; they only want to air their own opinions. Doing wrong leads to disgrace, and scandalous behavior brings contempt.”

After fooling himself into thinking of forming an opposition party with Rugare Gumbo, Didymus has now become a disgrace.

Over the past few days, this has-been has been exposing himself too much. It’s now a national concern.

First Didymus tells us: “I can’t pay (Zesa) with nothing. It is true I owe them about US$70 000 and I will not be able to pay it because I don’t have that kind of money and will never be able to get it . . . I am telling you the truth . . . and very soon we might as well fail to pay for our food.”

Ya, wachepa Mudhara Dhidhi. How many times do I need to remind people that it’s freezing cold outside Zanu-PF?

But there is more from Didymus. He told us that soon he would be quitting politics. Indeed, times are hard.

Whoever fooled Mudhara Dhidhi into leaving Zanu-PF should be hanged. Mudhara akarasiswa mhani.

Could it be the young wife? But, no, that one looks way too smart.

But then Didymus has a plan. Kikikiki! I couldn’t stop laughing. Hear this. His grand plan is to meet President Mugabe. Kikikikiki!

He says he wants to meet President Mugabe together with other opposition leaders to engage him on “what we think should be done to get the country working again”.

But we all know that someone is coming to that meeting, in the most unlikely event that it happens, with a big begging bowl.

Remember, a few months ago President Mugabe told us that he received a surprise call from Didymus who went on to ask about his health and so on.

Said the President: “I asked if it was all he wanted and he said yes, it’s all but I am not stupid. I know there was something he was looking for.”

Well, I know we have a very forgiving President.

After forgiving that warmonger and unrepentant bloodsucker Ian Smith, we know President Mugabe has a huge heart.

But Mudhara Dhidhi should wait for the 2018 elections. Handiti vakati vanozvigona?

There is no need to meet President Mugabe now. Didymus and all those in the opposition have their chance to meet President Mugabe at the polls. Since they say they will win, they don’t need to tell the President how to run the country.

They should wait until they win and do it themselves. Kikikiki.

Didymus should stop the phone calls and the invitations to private media hacks who have nothing better to do than to visit his Zesa-less house.

But then again, he can call kana munyu wapera kumba. We don’t want Dhidhi and the young wife to starve.

Now to Morgan.

I don’t usually break news because my job is just to preach. But allow me to be a journalist for a moment: The grand coalition between opposition parties in Zimbabwe ahead of the 2018 elections is dead before it has been born.

Top MDC-T officials have decided to leave Morgan to dig his own grave.

“Once again let me advise you that our president Morgan Tsvangirai is personally handling all issues to do with coalitions,” MDC-T spokesperson Obert Gutu recently told The Herald.

You wonder why and how Morgan can’t see the games being played here.

These MDC-T officials have for donkey years been criticising President Mugabe saying he has centralised power.

Now they are allowing their leader to centralise power saying “Morgan Tsvangirai is personally handling all issues to do with coalitions”?

And Morgan can’t even smell the coffee.

“Handiti anoiti MDC-T, siyai apedze MDC-T yake then we will take it from there,” is the talk in opposition corridors.

Morgan is conducting coalition talks at his house and the whispers are “siyai apedze chinhu chake kumba kwake”.

On his part, Morgan doesn’t see anything wrong with what’s happening.

“You interpret it yourself. It is a nice environment. I think everyone is comfortable, besides no one is forced to come here,” says Morgan when about holding the talks at his house.

Nice environment? Nice unoiziva ukaiona iwe? Sekuru vangu Matope (may his soul rest in peace) vaibva vati “iwe haikona kupusungwara.”

You see, time is fast running out for Morgan.

Its’ a few months before the elections yet Morgan is wasting time signing useless pieces of paper that he fondly calls MOUs. He speaks of these MOUs as if they are the electorate.

And then other opposition parties say Morgan is not negotiating in good faith because of his big brother mentality, while Joice — from her dark, desperate corner — is digging in saying “it’s either me or nothing.”

Hanzi “Morgan akadyiwa naMugabe zvikakwana”.

And then, of course, there are those morbid analysts who think the election is a bit too far for Morgan’s health.

Zvinonzi, “Uummm, Save varwara.” Muri ana chiremba here imi?

Anyway, anyone prepared for a bet on this, bring it on: there is no coalition to speak of.

Joice won’t budge; Tendai Biti and Welshman Ncube bring nothing but their sorry faces to the table; Nkosana Moyo is whistling in the wind.

And while Morgan is busy trying to play big man, his own officials are busy angling themselves to take over from him when he inevitably fails in 2018.

His top lieutenants want him to keep himself busy with never-never coalition scenarios while they sharpen their blades for the coming night of long knives.

Dear congregants, Bishop Lazarus is not a dreamer, he does not do fake news.

Many in MDC-T have already settled on Nelson Chamisa as the successor to the failure. They want Nellie to fail next.

The Americans are working on this succession project with some chaps in Zimbabwe and South Africa.

The project is well on course.

So let me reiterate this because dzokororo inesimba: grand coalition hakuna vanhuwee. Vachauya rumwe, rumwe vorakashwa, kuita kushagadwa muna 2018.

Bishop is out!

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  • Mhofela

    Hahaha Mudhara Dhidhi lol… Coalition hakuna!!