Sorry Prof, the magic bullet is long gone

IT’S so good to be back. I was watching you and ndaikunzwai zvangu. Hehe, Bishop Lazarus is under the weather, hehe Bishop Lazi has been censored. Others even swore by their mothers saying “watch the space, that stubborn Bishop won’t have the guts to preach again.” Ini zii zvangu.

Well, I am back saka naro shoko. So many political things have been happening over the past few weeks. Defence Minister, Dr Sydney Sekeramayi found himself in the thick of the political things following the mischief by the Minister of Higher and Tertiary Education, Professor Jonathan Moyo who just woke up and thought of doing what he has always done best — causing confusion.

Pasina kana avabvunza, Prof Moyo suddenly found it necessary to tell us that he thinks Vice President Mnangagwa is not a suitable candidate to succeed President Mugabe.

He told us that Dr Sekeramayi was a more war veteran than VP Mnangagwa. Of course that’s a blue lie but it was coming from a whole professor and so we were supposed to believe him. The learned professor went further saying Dr Sekeramayi was more suitable to succeed President Mugabe.

Well, Prof Moyo is entitled to his opinions. Watching and listening from where I was, I kept asking myself: “Is this the same Prof Moyo who was fired from Zanu-PF in 2004 following the famous Tsholotsho saga where he was accused of being the architect of the plot to smuggle VP Mnangagwa into power?” That Mnangagwa, that the Professor thought could lead the country in 2004, isn’t he still the same? What exactly has changed? Is it VP Mnangagwa who has changed or it’s the Professor?

Look, guys, why don’t we sort our grudges elsewhere. There is no way hatred and vengeance can turn into some academic sermon. It’s also nauseating to think Zimbabweans are fools with a short memory. 2004 is not that far anyway? Shuwa, shuwa iwe wega ndiwe wakachenjera?

But then Zanu-PF, in fact let me say President Mugabe has a shrewd way of dealing with those who think they are the best thing that has happened to the party. Ziii, zvavo Gushungo over the Prof Moyo mischief. You are actually tempted to ask; “Nhai Gushungo makamunzwawo here Jonathan?”

The mischief was continued in the Zimbabwe Independent. “Sun will rise from Mash East: Mugabe” the paper screamed. The paper claimed that in a private briefing before addressing the youth rally in Marondera, President Mugabe had said: “When the sun sets, it shall rise from Mashonaland East; do you hear me?” Kikikikiki!

President Mugabe would never say such a thing. That’s not the way he speaks and that’s not the way he thinks. That laughable story was planted by someone who doesn’t really know the President. Tibvunzei tikuudzei kuti zvakamira sei.

The lousy story was supposed to make it appear as if the Professor knew what he was talking about when he threw Dr Sekeramayi’s name into the political ring from the blues. Fortunately, the mischief was detected from the onset and all the machinations are just a waste of time.

There was even another funny story saying; “Gen Mujuru wanted Sekeramayi as VP.” The idea was to make it sink in people’s minds that Dr Sekeramayi vanokwanisa kutoita. Bombard the unsuspecting audience with all funny stories on Dr Sekeramayi. Make them believe he is in the race and make them see him as a suitable candidate.

But then we are no longer living in the days of the Magic Bullet Theory when the mass media was thought to have direct, immediate and powerful effects on its audience.

The audience now have power over the mass media. We see funny stories being planted to make us believe that Dr Sekeramayi is in some race and is suitable for that race. Instead of falling for the mischief, we stand aside and say imi vanhu hamuna kungwara mhani. Don’t drag us into your petty little grudges from the past.

But then you feel sorry for Dr Sekeramayi. We all know he doesn’t like the company that is trying to recruit him. It’s not his type. For now, let’s put this issue on hold, but “Mudhara vachauya zvavo soon. Kuita kurova dhongi newaya.” Watch the space!

While the supposedly learned are throwing all manner of mischief all over the place, the youths in Zanu-PF are getting to grips with real politics. The temptation is to say; “Kudzanayi Chipanga for national commissar,” but then the boy still has quite a number of challenges. He turns to overdo things even if it’s not necessary. Maybe that’s youthful exuberance.

The Zanu-PF national youth secretary, Chipanga is beginning to excite me. He seems to have read and understood Proverbs 10 vs 17 which says: “Whoever heeds instruction is on the path to life, but he who rejects reproof leads others astray.”

After the highly-successful “Million-Man-March,” I thought the boy was a fluke but no, he seems to know what he is doing. His organisational capabilities are just a marvel. If what we saw in Marondera, when thousands of youths came to meet President Mugabe is anything to go by, then this Chipanga boy is a breath of fresh air.

Chipanga has got his excesses. For example, it really was not necessary for him to go overboard and equate President Mugabe to an angel and claiming that the President will be part of the team that will vet people who qualify to go to heaven.

But hey, guys, the boy was just being a boy. He was just joking. Let’s not get carried away with the petty stuff. Let’s look at the Marondera rally holistically. The message within the message. I think Chipanga and his youths nailed it.

What is really exciting Bishop Lazarus is that this Chipanga boy seems to have finally realised that at some point some people were using him and now it’s time for him to stand on his own.

“To all those thinking that they will have an opportunity to address the rallies to settle personal scores or who are approaching the programme with dirty hands, let them know from today that the platform is for one person, President Mugabe, and they should take their hands off,” said Chipanga.

Bishop Lazarus knows that before the Marondera rally, Chipanga was under siege from one embattled senior Zanu-PF official who wanted to smuggle himself into the scheme of things.

This official hunted Chipanga all over Harare and wanted to make it appear as if he was the brains behind the success in Marondera. This official is still living in the past. He still thinks Chipanga is his boy.

But come on guys, let’s give it to President Mugabe. Do we remember that day when he surprised all of us by confirming Chipanga as the substantive leader of the youths? I heard some people whispering, “but Chipanga munhu waTyson?”

Well, the grandmaster of African politics was at work and we all couldn’t figure out what he was up to.

Now we know. Kunonzi kurumura munhu munokuziva here macomrades? That is exactly what the grandmaster was doing. “Hey, wena Chipanga, you don’t need these people with no people! You can stand on your own.”

That was the message. At first even Chipanga was vexed, but now he seems to have opened his political eyes.

The youth rallies have become the big deal in town. We all can’t wait for the next rally.

Good going Chipanga and your team. But please don’t get carried away.

Your former friends are still hunting for you. They think these rallies can save them and so they will continue hunting.

Big Brother is watching. Handiti you know Big Brother is everywhere and is anything?

And hey, get the Bishop correctly here — Chipanga deserves a pat on the back because he has rejuvenated the youths in Zanu-PF. He has proved his capabilities in terms of mobilising the youths and Bishop Lazarus is waiting for step number two when Chipanga will show his intellectual capabilities. In that regard, there is still a challenge which Chipanga can easily overcome. He is still very young and can learn a lot in life.

Bishop is out!

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  • Zvobgo

    ko hanti wanga uri pashinyaz here nhai nathaniel?
    kana kukubata mavoko is meaningless manheru.
    iwe bishop joji shoko rako is far from religious!
    unless as a wordsmith you gave new meaning to the word BISHOP?

  • Reuben Mukondiwa

    Musatinyaudze mhani