The Sunday Mail
Apostle Charles Kanyati
In Matthew 19vs 4-6, we find the Lord Jesus clarifying God’s original intention regarding marriage, that is, oneness. The Pharisees had killed John for his public opinion on marriage and divorce.
Here they were trying to trick Jesus by having him choose sides in this theological controversy.
In his answer, however, Jesus focused on marriage rather than divorce. He explained that God’s intent was for married people to consider their marriage permanent. So I believe couples should not enter marriage with the option of getting out. As such, your marriage is more likely to be blissful if from the outset you are committed to permanence.
The Lord said, “… therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”
Many marriages are dead due to the interference of relatives. If you allow your marriage to be remote controlled it will not work. You and your spouse are “one”. This is in accordance to God’s instruction manual. So if a man is commanded to “leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife,” leaving your parents the most influential people in our lives, what about siblings, aunts, uncles and friend? When you get married you leave your family of origin and form a new family. Your new family is your spouse. Parents, siblings, and other family members become one’s relatives.
By this is not to say that these are no longer important but that you need to move to your own home and begin your new family. There has to be clear boundaries to maintain a healthy relationship with all concerned.
Failure to clarify these boundaries will open a door to unwelcome interference.
Drawing the line with some friends and relatives when they had the habit of intruding before you get married may not be easy because to them it had been a normal process. Also understand that sharing your problems with some friends and relatives it is like giving them permission to judge your spouse.
They will end up making biased judgments and treat your life as if it’s theirs. So don’t expose your life as though it were a soap opera and then complain afterwards.
Remember , when you join with your spouse a new family is born, completed and sealed with no room for interference from third parties whether there are children or not. Besides God, nothing and nobody should take precedence over your husband or wife. By prioritising your spouse you are prioritising yourself.
The strength therefore of a relationship is in the couple’s bond and the only way to have a strong bond is establishing proper priorities.
If marriage is to work, husband and wife have to care for each other more than for any other person. If this doesn’t happen, you encounter challenges in your marriage. When she occupies the correct spot; a wife feels honoured to have been chosen above all other women.
If she’s pushed off to the side she will be bitter and unhappy. An unhappy woman makes for an unhappy home, and that’s not something you want. Also when your husband occupies the correct spot, he feels respected for who he is.
Let there be no other person between you, not even your children. Women, after you have carried a baby in your womb for nine months, don’t feel more connected to him or her more than your child’s father. The child will grow up and one day will live his own life and form his own family.
If you are bound to anyone else rather than your spouse this will be a recipe for frustration. Children therefore need to experience the solid base of their parents’ marriage in order to form their own base in the future.
When your in-laws are the invaders, understand that relatives will always be relatives. It will be unwise to attack them as you will create an even bigger problem. Rather treat them the best you can and work at winning them over, otherwise they will see you as the invader who is trying to break them apart.
Many mothers-in-law bickering with their daughters-in-law is a result of insecurity. So treat them well and clearly communicate that you are not her rival and that your goal is to make her son the happiest man in the world.
This will make her feel more secure and less prone to give you problems. Make her view you as her ally, someone to love and respect, never an enemy.
Apostle Langton Charles Kanyati is the founder and president of ZOE Life Changing Ministries and Grace Unlimited Ministries. You can reach him at [email protected] and on WhatsApp number 0772 987 844
