Overweight fiancée refusing help

Dr Rebecca Chisamba
Hello Mai Chisamba, how are you? I need your wisdom. I am desperately seeking relationship advice.

I am 26 and my wife is 21 years old. I say my wife because I have already paid lobola and we are now preparing for a white wedding. We have decided to go to Dubai and shop for this great day because we want our wedding to be special.

I love my wife with all my heart but I am worried sick about her weight, she weighs 143kg. I talked to her about this but she was not co-operative at all. I just did not stop there, I bought gym equipment and brought it home.

I try to persuade her to exercise, anopopota zvekushaya kuti ndatadzei. She says leave me alone go and get whoever you want with the weight that will please you. I do not want any other woman, I love her for who she is but this weight will kill her. We went to see my friend who is a doctor and he advised her to lose weight. He said if she fell pregnant she would struggle with things like high blood pressure.

When I say let us diet she eats a little with me and then goes behind closed doors to have her large portions. At our church we are encouraged to fast and during such times she still cheats. I spoke to her mother about this and ambuya confirmed that she always sneaks some food when she wants to eat double portions. I do not understand why she does not take advice. I am very worried about her but she seems not to care.

I am not asking her to be a model but just to be healthy. The other thing that is worrying me now is the way she takes offense over such ideal advice, popotero yacho nemashoko anobuda mukanwa make hazviite. Please amai, how do I move forward, how can I be understood that it is not for me but for her.

Response

I am very well thank you for asking. You are a great guy going out of your way for the sake of your dear wife. If the truth be told your wife is overweight, 143kg at 21 years is just too much. She should not be arrogant, instead she should take advice. For a newly married woman she should be guarding the love of her life jealously. I am shocked that at this juncture she is already saying enda unotsvaga ane weight inokuitira. It is unfortunate, I cannot really address her because I respond to the writer, although, I may say one or two words about your spouse.

I urge you to go to a neutral doctor I mean someone who is not your friend. A medical practitioner who can stamp his foot down and explain why such weight is dangerous. I have nothing against your doctor friend but your wife will just take him as a muramu. Dieting and working out in the gym are for her own good, she must appreciate that.

When people fast they do it for the Almighty, it beats all logic that she even smuggles food during such times. She can fool you but not God.

The services of a professional counsellor will go a long way in your situation because your wife seems to take so many things for granted. Some people out there have to pay to access the gym but your wife has it at her disposal and does not want to do anything. The counsellor should also work on her arrogance and this element of cheating on her diet when no one is watching her.

Kamoto kamberewere kanopisa matanda mberi. You are together in this, you have to walk with her all the way. Fight hard for a good cause. I know soon you will be taking your vows and one of them bounds you to her “in sickness and in health”. It is good to try our best to keep healthy. Walking and jogging together is both romantic and healthy. Pray about this and about your wedding. I would want to hear about your wife’s weight loss. Be of good cheer it shall be well.

 

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