One good turn deserves another

MAI CHISAMBA, thank you so much for this platform. I have an unmarried tete, my husband’s sister. She is a mother of one, a boy now in grade one. When she got dumped I took responsibility of her child and looked after him as my own for four years.

I even contributed for her to go and do a course. I have a son of the same age as hers, most people thought these kids were brothers. Upon completion of her course she got back on her feet and asked to get back her son.

I was prepared to continue looking after him but vakachemachema vakati she was lonely. In the middle of this year the company I worked for scaled down operations because of the economy and I was laid off.

My husband, her brother is still working. I was planning on going to buy things from South Africa for reselling before Christmas but ndakashaya kwekunosiya mwana. I told tete of my intention and she suggested I leave my child with one of my friends.

Mai Chisamba, I am so hurt I do not even know what to do after everything I did for her. Has she forgotten that I gave her assistance when she needed it the most? She says haana mari to look after two kids just for a fortnight.

My husband suggests we borrow money for up keep and give to her. This is breaking my heart should I tell her to also pay for the years I looked after her child? I have no idea how my husband is taking it so lightly when we struggled just to help tete.

When I looked after her child she did not bring even an orange but now she needs a budget for my child. Ndosaka akarambwa haana musoro, I will have nothing to do with her from now on.

Every Sunday she gets a free ride in our car to Church but I think she should begin to find her own way, I cannot pretend I am happy when I am not.

Response
Thank you for writing in and thank you so much for standing by tete’s side when she needed you the most. If you read the column you will know that I always say when you do good you do it for God so you should take comfort in that.

Life is very tricky and it is not always tit for tat when it comes to doing things for each other. That is why there is the problem of free loaders who always think people should do things for them. Do not sink to her level and ask for reimbursement.

You did what you did from the bottom of your heart and you should be happy that you succeeded. Tete can stand on her own now and she can surely look after her kid and that is a burden off your shoulders. Ko dai wakabuda basa when you were still looking after two kids? It was going to be harder.

Some people are very short sighted when you talk to them you need to be direct. Maybe she genuinely thought you needed advice that is why she suggested you leave your child at a friend’s. You should have been forthcoming as possible.

What your husband is suggesting of giving her something for the up keep of your child is very noble. I do not know why most people would rather pretend to be financially solid when they are not. Do not go on a mean streak and begin to undo the good you did. Talk about this issue without being too emotional you are family.

As far as the Church trip is concerned do not stop taking her along with you, if you really want then ask her to contribute towards the fuel. Hama dzinobatsirwa kani, nyaya dze spoon feeding yakanyanya destroys families and relationships.

I do not believe that what you are saying is coming from a devout Christian. Are you genuinely happy that she was jilted? I am not saying tete is right but before you judge her talk to her and explain why this pains you so much. Let her realise that a good turn deserves another.

 

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