The Sunday Mail
Sir 18area.coms
THE great Pelé certainly didn’t have an old man who answers to the name Issa Hayatou and Caps United’s horrendous kit in mind when he described football as the world’s most beautiful game. For all its famed beauty, the game we so dearly love has a very ugly side to it and this past week two things – Hayatou and the Makepekepe kit – reminded us of that underbelly.
If football were a beauty contest Phillip Chiyangwa would have won his boardroom battle with Hayatou already because the Caf president looks like William Masvinu’s elder brother.
Remember Masvinu?
Masvinu is the three-time Mr Ugly Zimbabwe champion who felt cheated when the crown was won by Maison Sare the last time out.
“I am uglier,” he charged!
If the game that the great Pelé described as the most beautiful in the world was indeed all lovely, Caps United would have been banned from playing it by now.
How on earth can the Zimbabwean champions play the most beautiful game while donning a strip that looks like a dish towel?
There is everything ugly and nothing beautiful about the kit Makepekepe wore in Lesotho last weekend; and those pushing the “uniforms-don’t-play-football” defence know it too. They are just pretending to be dull.
Greetings dear reader, welcome to this Sunday’s missive!
This one comes to you from one of the world’s most beautiful places.
Yours Truly won’t be disclosing his location from now on because the other weekend, Mike Madoda was added to the list of the few people deemed witty enough write this column.
Suffice to say I am enjoying the finer side of life.
Sadly, the same cannot be said for Hayatou who must now be appreciating why Chiyangwa is also known as Captain Fiasco.
Hayatou has woken up to the fact that his 29-year reign is seriously under threat and that although his opponent during the March elections will be Madagascar’s Ahmad Ahmad, his real foe is PC.
For daring to confront the ugly beast, Chiyangwa has suddenly become the darling of several FA presidents on the continent.
Crucially, Chiyangwa also has the shiny head of Fifa president Gianni Infantino in his corner.
Infantino is expected in Harare along with several other African football leaders next weekend as Chiyangwa celebrates his birthday and ascendancy to the Cosafa leadership.
In the wake of such a united force, Hayatou’s donkey face is getting longer.
In times like these, Makepekepe need to be alive to what a fight between the Zifa president and Hayatou means to them as they prepare to face Lioli in the Caf Champions League.
In these shores referees are known to be used to settles scores.
We got done over on Khama Billiat recently and there are no signs that these people have repented.
But what is it with Caps United and their dish towels?
The kits are so oversized that one can’t help but think of how our parents would buy us big clothes and smugly say: “You will grow with them.”
That jersey is beyond ugly and makes a mockery of club owner Farai Jere’s presonal suave dress style.
Very few local sports administrators dress as well, or as expensively, as Jere – and the Makepekepe president is not shy about bragging about it.
At last year’s Soccer Star of the Year banquet, some DeMbare fans engaged the Harare businessman in some banter and claimed that secretly he loves the Glamour Boys because he had chosen a blue suit for the occasion.
Jere hit back with one knockout punch.
“Aiwaka, suit iyi is from Italy. The price I bought it for will shock you. With that kind of money we can buy Dynamos four kits,” said Jere before breaking into that laughter of his.
Hopefully Jere will also buy a proper football kit the next time he travels to Europe.
Sir exits the scene!
Sir is social media commentator and writes this satirical column in his personal capacity. Feedback: [email protected]
